Woodbine

Summary

What flashes before your eyes as you die? Memories, thoughts big and small that nested somewhere in your brain, echoes you ignored. But in those final flashes, the silliest things can be brought to the forefront: Unimportant conversations, odd moments, even cases you never put that much importance in. Now, that last one only really applies if you work in a detective agency, to be fair. Sometimes small things make an outsized impression. But memories are malleable, fallible, easily made and easily broken. When you’re running through them, how much of them can you trust? They twist and turn and bend and break with only the slightest amount of pressure. Do you understand? Rhys? Can you hear me? Rhys? Please wake up, please.

Content Warnings: Death (mentioned), sex (mentioned)

Transcript

[SFX: There’s a cacophony, the sound of Rhys falling down a flight of stairs, pain, fear… which is then replaced by the sound of the office. A quiet evening]

RHYS_NARRATION: What is love? 

I don’t know if I can define love, I don’t know if anyone can, really. But we try. We make art. We write poetry. We tell stories. I mean, I don’t. I’ve never been the creative type. But I know something when I see it. Sometimes, you think it’s love when it’s actually something much simpler: Lust, devotion, a crush, obsession, y’know? And those things can turn into something more, but it’s like candy; a little is fun, a lot is going to make you feel real bad. You know when it’s real, though. There’s a glow people have when that fire hits their veins. A redness in their cheeks. A warmth. But even when you think it’s love, it doesn’t mean you’re safe. These feelings, they can burn you out if they’re not managed. If they’re left to smoulder like a spark in a dry forest, untended and ready to set the whole place alight. And is that love? Is that what it does to you? I don’t know. Love shouldn’t destroy. It can change you, it can recreate, it can build upon already laid foundations. But if you let love ruin you, then you end up having to rebuild alone. No one else can truly put you back together. That’s why you gotta watch out, why you have to be ready to put that spark out if you’re only fueling but never tending. You sweat, you crumple, you flame out. What is love? It’s wonderful. And it’s dangerous. It’ll take you out at the knees. At least, that’s what I’m getting from the guy sitting in front of me right now. He’s burnt out. And he wants us to track down the one who did it and do something about it… 

RHYS: [SFX: writing something down] Sorry, her name is… 

PAUL: Laurel. Laurel Hardy.

GRACE: Hang on-

RHYS: Hm?

GRACE: … Nothing. 

RHYS: What are you smirking about? 

GRACE: Never mind. Continue.  

PAUL: This is serious!

GRACE: I apologize. You said she took something from you.

PAUL: Yes, my… [hesitates] my creativity. 

RHYS: [SFX: stops writing] Uh… and what do you think the… dollar value is on that?

PAUL: No, look, she… We met at an art show and I started talking to her, I ended up explaining the pieces to her, and she was into it! She was! She straight up said that she loved a guy who was into art, she was very into artists. Like really into them, if you catch my drift.

GRACE: I caught it. 

PAUL: Like she was in. 

GRACE: Uh huh. 

PAUL: And… yeah, we got serious quickly, and… she inspired me in a way no one else ever has. She was magical. With her I… I was painting like there was no limit to my ability. I don’t know what she did, but she changed me. She became my muse, literally. The thing that truly stimulated my brain, like a gift from the divine… and now… I got nothing. Like, NOTHING! [SFX: dramatically flops back in chair and sighs] 

GRACE: … I’m sorry sir, but this sounds more like something you should be speaking to a therapist about- 

PAUL: This isn’t some sad sack boo-hoo thing, I’m not pining for her, she literally stole my ability to create. Look, she’s… she’s special. When I met her, she told me that… she’s… different. And at first I just thought she was another art girlie into tarot or whatever, but… man, she wasn’t lying. And she offered me something that sounded completely unbelievable: the endless ability to create. Like that’s silly. But… wow. She was right. It was like the sun finally rose in my brain. She’s… gorgeous. Being with her filled my whole brain with fire and the only way to quell it was to get working. And I could draw, I could sculpt, I painted and painted and painted until my fingers bled-

RHYS: That just sounds like incorrect technique, dude. 

PAUL: And I told her, I told her how amazing she was as my muse. Like I let her know how much she’d done for me, how important it was to me. But… I don’t fucking know. She just kept telling me that someday I’d figure out what she wanted, but she never TOLD me. And then, once I had almost completed the best thing I’d ever made, she left me. And I haven’t even been able to touch my tools since.

GRACE: Again, have you considered therapy?

PAUL: No, it’s not only mental! [SFX: he tosses a small backpack to Rhys] Go in there and pull out the paintbrushes and put them on the table.

RHYS: Uh, ok.  

RHYS_NARRATION: The man – and he is a man, he’s just a guy, no teeth or scales or fur or wings – tosses me a well-worn backpack. I dig around in it and find a small roll of paintbrushes, paint caked on the handles but the bristles clean, if not slightly splayed. As I place them on the table, he sighs dramatically again and reaches out to pick one up. 

PAUL: Watch. [SFX: he picks up a paintbrush and there’s a quick hiss and the sound of the now desiccated brush falling onto the desk as ash] 

GRACE: Oh! That is…

PAUL: I can’t even touch my brushes now! 

RHYS_NARRATION: As soon as he wrapped his hand around the brush, the colour drained from it. It desiccated quickly, flaking away into tiny grey pieces of old paint and ash. The man – Paul? I think his name was Paul…  

PAUL: [a memory, distant and hazy] Hello, I’m Paul. Paul… uh… Paul. 

RHYS_NARRATION: Whatever. His last name isn’t important. He puts his head in his hands and lets out a little sad noise. When he sits back up, I can see that there’s now ash in his hair, a sudden grey streak.

GRACE: That’s outside a therapist’s paygrade, I will agree with you on that.

PAUL: She said I didn’t deserve to keep it, that spark. That I’d had enough. A mere taste of what I could’ve been…

RHYS: And… sorry, what did she want in return?

PAUL: What?

RHYS: What did she want in exchange for… inspiring you? 

PAUL: Oh, like… I dunno, she played it off like a riddle, I didn’t take it seriously: all I want is what one gets at home. Proper. No money. Like she didn’t want anything. She just did this to me for… for fun? Fuck. 

GRACE: Hm. You were clearly right on her being different–

PAUL: And she stole the best part of me! I loved her. She made me feel clever and now… my brain is empty and my hands… I can’t do anything. And I was told to come to you guys because you deal with… weird stuff. Like you handle things that other people would laugh at you about. Sorry, but that’s your rep. And like, I feel like I’m going crazy, and maybe you think I am. But you haven’t told me to leave yet so clearly you don’t think I’m that nuts. 

GRACE: Have you had any contact with her since?

PAUL: No. I’ve been looking for her and haven’t had any luck. All I want is that talent back. I want to know if she’ll return it, like just give me that! I don’t know how one would press charges relating to something like this-

GRACE: That’s not really a thing in this case. 

PAUL: I guess. I’ll give you what info I have, but there isn’t much. There is one thing I’ve found out though from looking around, though.  

GRACE: Yes?

PAUL: I’m not alone. 

RHYS_NARRATION: This is an old case. A memory. Something I hadn’t thought about in a while. Now it’s… here, at the forefront. I am revisiting a man frustrated over love and loss. Why am I here? 

LENNOX: [a memory] Loving a human is like trying to love a flower. They die so soon. I just sped things up. For you. It was all for you. 

GRACE: [a memory] You hired someone to kill Bea because… I cared about her? 

RHYS_NARRATION: Right, love. You can love a partner, you can love a friend, you can love yourself. You can love who you are or… who you hope to be. Who you want to be. 

LENNOX: [a memory] What will you do if your little bird turns out to be yet another failure to launch?  

RHYS_NARRATION: Heh. So yeah, Paul wasn’t the only guy whose creative spark had been put out. In his attempt to track this Laurel lady down, he found a handful of other people who were all in the same boat. They were all in their late 20s, artists – or at least artist hopefuls – who had met her and been inspired to an almost manic level, pushing their skills to their limit, gleefully, and then she’d bail, leaving behind nothing more than an apologetic voicemail and a bunch of forgotten bobby pins. Onto the next. We spoke to another guy, same kind of story. 

ZACH: [a memory] I loved her. And she ruined me.

RHYS_NARRATION: Wait, is that what he sounded like? Or am I mixing him up with the first guy? Shit. I don’t remember what he sounded like, he just had a big tattoo of a dog on his arm. Right, the second guy, his name was Zach. 

ZACH: [a memory] I’m Zach. 

RHYS_NARRATION: And Bea was talking to him, but I was at my desk eavesdropping.  

BEA: And you’re unable to create anymore?  

ZACH: No! Listen to this! [SFX: he starts playing just the worst guitar music] 

BEA: Alright, alright, got it. You can stop! 

ZACH: When I was with her I felt this incredible light, like my brain was on fire. I could write songs like never before about her… her beauty, her grace-

BEA: Her stunning face?

ZACH: I was just getting to that. 

BEA: Ah.  

ZACH: But… fuck man, I was so close, so close, to finishing the song I’ve been hearing in my head my whole life, like this would’ve made me- 

BEA: That feels a little like a grandiose claim…

ZACH: You have to stop her! 

RHYS_NARRATION: What else did he say? [SFX: a phone rings] Oh right, I got a call and wasn’t able to pay attention anymore. Bea handled it. She’s always got a handle on things. I think. 

BEA: [distant, hazy, out of time] Rhys?

RHYS_NARRATION: I hope. 

BEA: That’s the 5th person we’ve spoken to about her. 

GRACE: She’s clearly getting to people.  

BEA: I’m so curious as to the actual quality of their art. Like they’re very… enthusiastic about their supposed skills prior to the talent-ectomy. 

GRACE: Well, here’s the painter’s last work… [SFX: she slides over]

BEA: Oh, oh wow.

GRACE: Yeah. 

BEA: Is that of her? Laurel?

GRACE: I’d assume so. 

BEA: I mean, technical skill aside this is…

GRACE: It’s very bawdy.

BEA: I was going to say “busty” but sure, let’s do that.  

GRACE: Rhys? Can you come here? Here, take a look at these.

RHYS: Dating app screenshots? 

GRACE: Do you recognize her at all? 

RHYS: Ah, no, I haven’t really been on any of these in ages. 

BEA: She doesn’t run in my circles, I know that. 

GRACE: You’re not her type. 

BEA: Ah.

RHYS: Should I be worried?

GRACE: You’re not her type either.

BEA: What’s she into? Older, richer, uh…

RHYS: I could eventually become those things. 

GRACE: She appears to only be into artists.

BEA: So she’s a masochist, we know that.

GRACE: No, she knows what she’s doing. And that one guy was right about her being different: She’s a leanan sidhe. 

BEA: Huh! Didn’t think you’d see someone like that here.

GRACE: You know what those are?

BEA: I went through a mythology phase in my youth, yes.

RHYS: Uh, I didn’t. Explain?

GRACE: Leanan sidhe are… they are like a muse in a sense, but they destroy those who take divine inspiration from them. They give the object of their affection this huge burst of creativity, but it’s like throwing gas on a flame. You can create, yes, but it consumes you. You burn too hot and then you… turn to ash.

BEA: In legend they usually cause the person to die, but if Paul’s Instagram posts are anything to go off of, they are alas, dead inside. Whatever willst I do without mine muse?  

GRACE: I don’t think she was here to create any sort of mortal peril. Emotional, perhaps, but if she wanted them dead then we wouldn’t have quite so many of them showing up on our doorstep. But she’s pulled something out of them.

BEA: I mean, maybe she just let them run too hot. Maybe she was just bored. Can’t a girl have hobbies? Besides, do we need more middling essayists? I think she might be doing us a favour and directing these people towards more stable careers, like dentistry.

GRACE: We need to find her and talk to her, at least. The last guy, [Grace says a name but it’s fuzzed out, Rhys doesn’t remember it], he gave me this. 

RHYS_NARRATION: Grace opens an audio file on her phone, a copy of a voicemail. The woman’s voice – Laurel? Yeah – is sweet and warm, dripping honey. I… I think. Or it was… no, it wasn’t confident. I mean it was but… 

LAUREL: [but Grace’s voice] My darling, my pet.

RHYS_NARRATION: Uh, I don’t remember what her voice sounded like. Eh, close enough.

LAUREL: I’m sorry to leave you so suddenly. But I think you’ll do well to find your way back without me. You’ll have to. I have only so much to offer you. Then… it’s up to you to find the rest within yourself. I will always appreciate our time together. It filled me with such energy. My dear… good luck! 

RHYS: She doesn’t sound repentant.

BEA: She sounds like she’s having a blast.

RHYS: Is that a leaning… lemming…

BEA: Leanan sidhe. 

RHYS: Yeah. If she took their abilities, what’s she getting out of it? 

BEA: I mean, if she took it then we just need to look for the next renaissance woman out there creating masterpieces without even trying. And if not then… she’s getting something out of it, if not just satisfaction. Grace, I think [SFX: she keeps talking but the audio fuzzes out as Rhys stops paying attention]

RHYS_NARRATION: You love what you do. You love your hobbies. You love taking time for yourself. You love getting away. I… I’m here because… Do I love my job? I like it, as a friend, but I’m… I’m here because of love. Because of what it meant. Because of what it did to me. Because of what I couldn’t be. I didn’t love myself anymore. I couldn’t love anyone. So I had to go. I had to. I didn’t have a choice! And time keeps moving and so do I, on and on and on. [SFX: paper being flipped through quickly and then slammed down, marking that time has passed] My mind always wanders when doing paperwork. I think that’s why I hate doing it. But now it was time for field work. Allow ourselves to escape into the early vestiges of night. 

GRACE: [SFX: Grace walks in] Rhys?

RHYS: AHH!

GRACE: Everyone got your dancing shoes on? 

BEA: [SFX: getting up] Yeah, let’s get going. You ready, bud?

RHYS: Yeah, yeah. 

RHYS_NARRATION: Grace had been inquiring with all the guys who came in about their interactions with Laurel, our len… lemon… leanan sidhe. Same story each time. They meet, they get hot and heavy quickly, she promises them inspiration and creativity unlike anything they’ve known before. And then… she leaves and they lose everything. She doesn’t seem to want anything, at least according to these guys, she just keeps giving these funny cryptic answers. Find out what it means to me. And the guys get what they want, if only for a bit. They love it. And then it burns away. Huh. Anyway, according to these dudes, she’s real social. Loves a very public date. So first up… oh, man, right, the dancing shoes were literal.

 

[SFX: Transition, they enter a crowded dance class]

BEA: Are you wearing character shoes?

GRACE: Are you not?

BEA: Can’t say I’ve worn them since taking ballroom back in the day.

GRACE: I didn’t know you danced.

BEA: My parents needed to get me out of the house and it was the only non-tap dance class left. It was fun, but it’s been… a long time. I doubt I’m much good anymore. 

GRACE: You’ll pick it up. You’re very… dexterous. Rhys, do you dance?

RHYS: I had a breakdancing phase in my teen years. They called me Rhys-cycle.

GRACE: That’s not going to help. Good luck. 

RHYS: I’ll need it. So, which one of you ladies would like to join me? 

BEA: You ever done a class like this before?

RHYS: I have not. 

BEA: Yeah, it doesn’t matter who you start with. You gotta keep changing partners. So make your way around and start asking about Laurel. 

RHYS: Ah, right. Should’ve known that.

GRACE: I told you that you should’ve joined us on the ride over.

 RHYS: I had errands to run! It’s fine, I’ll charm whoever is near me, see if I can get a lead. 

LENNOX: [SFX: walking over] Oh, I’m sure you’ll charm the pants right off them. 

RHYS_NARRATION: Wait, was Lennox there? Yes. No. Yes? Did I dance?

RHYS: You weren’t here. 

LENNOX: No, but that hasn’t stopped me before. This is fun! Getting to see you three in full gumshoe mode. 

RHYS: I thought you only walked in dreams.

LENNOX: Yes, but you’re unconscious, so… a memory is a type of dream. Fuzzy on the edges, but I can make it work. Hello Grace. 

GRACE: [fuzzy, indistinct speaking, he doesn’t know what she’d say] 

LENNOX: Ah, you don’t know how she’d react. Too many gaps. I’ll try not to… press my luck in here, I don’t know how much damage your hippocampus may have sustained. You’re holding up well, though! I can’t say I put much stock in you before, but come, let’s remedy that.

RHYS: Uhh…

INSTRUCTOR: Choose a partner please! 

LENNOX: Shall we? 

RHYS: Oh, uh… do we have to? 

LENNOX: Why the discomfort? 

RHYS: [stares]

INSTRUCTOR: [not part of the memory] Gentlemen?

LENNOX: Don’t worry. I can’t hurt you here, other than your feelings, perhaps. Plus, I thought I’d take a look around the place before it’s too late. 

RHYS: Fine. [SFX: they start dancing] Sorry, I have no idea what I’m doing. 

LENNOX: No, stop, watch you-… no, I lead.

RHYS: I don’t even really know what that means.

LENNOX: You follow. I control where we go next. 

RHYS: That’s worked out poorly for me in the past. 

LENNOX: It’s dance. Relax.

RHYS: Uh, like that seems like a good suggestion on paper, but… you’re really scary. 

LENNOX: Thank you. [they continue dancing] You’re a better dancer than you give yourself credit for. You have…

RHYS: Grace?

LENNOX: No, she’s over there. You have a very smooth step. 

RHYS: Thank you? 

LENNOX: You take direction well, once someone gives it to you. Once you relent. I like that in a man. 

RHYS: Can you give any sort of compliment without it feeling like you are moments away from ripping my jugular out? 

LENNOX: But you seem so into it when Bea pushes your boundaries. 

RHYS: Oh come on, stay in the memory I’ve selected! You’re not allowed to go poking around my brain like you’re at a yard sale.

LENNOX: [fake shock] I didn’t do anything other than witness a daydream. 

INSTRUCTOR: [fuzzy, the memory altered] Change partners!

LENNOX: Ah, so soon? I guess I can only be so in control. Hello again, Grace.

GRACE: [fuzzy, the memory altered] Lennox. You ass. Go to hell. 

LENNOX: See, you have to fill in the blanks yourself, but you’re getting there. I can’t see this going well for me though. Another option presents itself, though. Bea, shall we dance?

BEA: Oh, uh… [fuzzy, the memory altered] How about you go fuck yourself?

LENNOX: Ooh, you’ve made her spicy. Fun. Come, sweet Bea. 

BEA: [fuzzy, the memory altered] Ugh.

RHYS_NARRATION: I have a headache. And a soreness in my chest. There… hm. Laurel wasn’t here. But we found a guy, stomping his way through the class. He’d met her here. He said that she’d made him more graceful than he’d ever been before. Then, once he’d decided that he’d gotten as much as he could out of the partnership, he shimmied away. And now he’s here, two left-feeting it, lost. I couldn’t stop moving my feet. I danced until they bled. And now I can’t do anything. 

BEA: [fuzzy, the memory altered] This is what you do in your off hours?

LENNOX: I have hobbies. 

BEA: [fuzzy, the memory altered] Legal ones?

LENNOX: Some duller options, yes. And this. 

INSTRUCTOR: [fuzzy, the memory altered] Change partners!

LENNOX: Well, Grace is next. Think she’d let me give her a little twirl? [SFX: stomp] Trying to crush my toes is childish, but you’ve made yourself clear. 

BEA: [fuzzy, the memory altered] Sorry, must be off my rhythm today. 

LENNOX: Too spicy. So, my dear boy, your target isn’t here. Where did you look next? I want to see.

RHYS: [sigh] We went to a speed dating event. 

LENNOX: Wonderful! Shall we?

RHYS: Don’t touch me.

LENNOX: Alright. Lead on. 

 

[SFX: transition. Quiet crowd noise, they’re at a speed dating event]

RHYS_NARRATION: There’s a bar deep in the east end with a basement room that’s used by the community for meetups, parties, even weddings apparently. They’re running a speed dating event for whoever might be looking for love. There’s a few werewolves, several vampires, another moth person, a harpy? Neat. This woman, this… lenny sheet.

BEA: [fuzzy, a memory] Leanan sidhe.

RHYS_NARRATION: That’s what I said, lambrusco sweet. We hear stories and tales, we read messages, we hear voice notes, we see pictures, but we’re always a few steps behind. And she’s leaving this wake of very… petulant artists. Like, I get it, I’d be pretty cranky if I woke up one day and couldn’t do the thing I once loved doing. But it’s funny. It’s described the same each time… 

ZACH: [fuzzy, a memory] She was my muse. My inspiration. Now I am nothing.

RHYS_NARRATION: Mine mine mine. Until she walked away. Did she leave with their talent, or did she leave when it burned out? Or is it one and the same? Are they nothing without her? We just hear her in pieces… there was a message she left someone…

LAUREL: You love what I can offer, but you don’t love me, even if you say you do. So I must go. You’ll be fine. You’ll find your way back. You just have to know what to do. And how to change.

RHYS_NARRATION: Apparently she’s a fan of the speed dating night. I didn’t even know these still existed. So we’re bouncing from table to table, seeing if we can find any information about her. [SFX: these are all at different tables in scenes we don’t see]

GRACE: Do you know this woman?

BEA: Have you ever met her before?

GRACE: So you’re a drummer? 

BEA: You own a loom?

GRACE: You run a brewery out of a studio apartment?

BEA: What did she say to you?

GRACE: Would you be willing to tell us more about her?

BEA: Do you still have her number?

GRACE: Would you be willing to speak further?

BEA: Do you know where she is?

RHYS_NARRATION: They either didn’t know her or, if they did, they didn’t want to talk. They didn’t think she did anything wrong. I don’t know if I can judge that fully. One woman though, a werewolf, what did she tell me? Sometimes someone comes into your life and teaches you a lesson, that’s what makes them important. You don’t even know. But you’ll learn one way or the other. 

GRACE: Rhys, any luck? 

RHYS: Yeah, I’ve got a date with that banshee over there next Thursday. [SFX: horrible shriek in the distance] We’re going to the ROM. 

GRACE: I meant leads. 

RHYS: Oh, uh… no. [SFX: Bea walks over]

GRACE: Bea, how about you? 

BEA: No, but I am considering meeting up with the banshee I spoke to. [SFX: banshee screams] Oh, never mind, she’s going out with Rhys apparently.

RHYS: Oh, well now it’s not special. 

BEA: Oh shush, you love the attention. 

RHYS_NARRATION: Love, that’s the word I keep hearing. I love her, I love what she made me. I loved who I was. What is love? Love is a glance across a room, meant only for you. Love is a hand in yours. Love is waking up beside each other over and over again. Love is knowing that you can be apart and still together. Love is wanting to see their skin in the sunlight. Love is wanting their mouth on your neck. [SFX: the sound around them drops out, we’re deep in thought]

BEA: [fuzzy, the memory altered] What was your life before you came here, Rhys?

RHYS: [almost a little amused] You’ve never asked me that. Not yet.

BEA: [fuzzy, the memory altered] You’re waiting for it, though. 

RHYS: Oh yeah. 

BEA: [fuzzy, the memory altered] Who was she?

RHYS: [sighs] I loved her. I loved her so much. Until I couldn’t anymore. 

BEA: [fuzzy, the memory altered] Sweetheart. 

RHYS: You have never called me that. She did. [sigh] I want to move on.

BEA: [fuzzy] Let’s go, then. Come. Lead on. We have work to do.

[SFX: Transition, a splash. Outdoor pool in the evening. They’re at Oasis Aqualounge. Quiet talking, quiet poppy music in the background, some splashing]

RHYS_NARRATION: Last option. She loves to check things out at Oasis, according to one guy, a poet who did, in fact, once know it but no longer does. Laurel, she’s… was she here? 

BEA: Oh, that looks like Selina. [waves] Hey.

SELINA: [SFX: from the pool, a memory] Hello fair interloper…

RHYS: I should go talk to her. 

BEA: Nope, nope, save it for your off hours. 

RHYS: Sorry, sorry.

BEA: She’s too much for you, man. 

RHYS: [incredulous] No. Yes? You know what, that’s fine, I’ve had a good run. [SFX: goes to run into the pool, gets tackled by Bea] Ahh! 

LIFEGUARD: No running near the pool, please!

BEA: Sorry! [whispered] Pull yourself together, we are WORKING.

RHYS: Ok, ok, gah, sorry, ok, alright, I need to cool down. Sorry, can I take this? I’ll pay for it. Thank you. [SFX: dumps an entire tiki drink on himself] AhhhHHHHhh, very cold! Very cold! Alright, I’ve made an absolute ass out of myself, now no one will want to bother us. We good? 

BEA: Thank you for keeping us under the radar, very discreet. 

GRACE: Control yourself. Besides, half the people here would eat you alive. 

RHYS: Are you referring to the creature from the Black Lagoon over there?

BEA: Their name is Sage and they’re very nice but also an absolute disaster zone when they drink.

GRACE: Yeah, they’re banned from Farside’s Monster Nights now. What do you see? 

RHYS_NARRATION: The place is crowded, although not unpleasantly so. There’s a lot of… skin on display. Lot of beings I didn’t know existed. I don’t even know what that blue lady is supposed to be. She’s talking to a guy who, for lack of a better word, looks like an elf. Wait, are elves real? Somehow that feels unbelievable, and yet…

GRACE: Here’s to hoping I don’t run into an ex or something.

BEA: Do you come here often?

GRACE: Oh, no, it’s been ages. Not my speed as of late.

BEA: Are you… on whatever the vampire version of Hinge is? Coffin Hinge?

GRACE: I’m much more of an… in-person kind of lady. 

BEA: Ah. 

GRACE: I’ll go the distance for the right person. 

BEA: Cool. I’ll keep that in mind.

RHYS_NARRATION: Oh god, I need these two to make out already. It’s very tense in the office these days, so I need these two to finally give in to the passion, HR regulations be damned. 

BEA: Sorry, when was the last time you dated-dated someone? If you don’t mind me asking.

GRACE: It’s been… oh, my… maybe 7 years? 

BEA: That’s surprising. 

GRACE: Lengths of time like that feel lessened when you get to a certain age. 

BEA: And that age is…

GRACE: Don’t you worry about it. So would you describe yourself as… off the market?

BEA: Huh?

GRACE: Dating wise. I know you’ve been reticent since the change.

BEA: Oh, uh, no. No, no, I’m just… not… looking. Like not out there. I’m not on any apps or something, I’m just… not like… actively looking. I’d be open to something, I’m… not ready to… face the world just yet.

GRACE: Well that’s a shame. You have a lovely face, and the world is better for it.

BEA: Thank you. 

RHYS_NARRATION: JUST KISS ALREADY.  

GRACE: [fuzzy because it’s not real, naughty naughty] Bea, come here. [SFX: giggling, splashing]

RHYS: Ooooooh boy, that’s not a memory. … Yeah, this would definitely get me fired if they could somehow see it.

LENNOX: Grace would kill you if she knew you were imagining this. 

RHYS: Is there an unlocked door in my brain or something?

LENNOX: Everything is an open door for me, but that cracked skull certainly does not help. Don’t mind me, I’m merely enjoying myself. [Bea giggles] And so are you, clearly.

RHYS: Alright, knock it off back there! [the memory returns to normal] Look, if you’re going to be here, you could at least help me figure out what’s going on. Everything’s… hazy.

LENNOX: Yes, dying will do that to you. 

RHYS: I… I don’t want to think about that right now.

LENNOX: Let me ask you a question: [fuzzy, the memory changing] Why are you always running?

RHYS: Shut up, I told you to stay in the approved memory. [talking to himself] Was Laurel here?

LAUREL: [SFX: walking up on the wet pool deck] I was. 

RHYS: Yes! Grace spotted you in the pool. Did we talk?

LAUREL: [hazy, filling in the gaps] I talked to your friend. You overheard us. You were sitting at the edge, soaking your feet. Trying to be subtle.

RHYS: Bea.

LAUREL: [hazy, filling in the gaps] Yes, the tall one. You don’t remember my voice though.

RHYS: Could barely hear it through all the noise around us.

LAUREL: [hazy, filling in the gaps] I told her that I was only seeing who was out there. Who deserved my attention. Who only thought about themselves. I am a gift. But I am not to be taken lightly. 

RHYS: You swam away. 

LAUREL: [hazy, filling in the gaps] I gave her my number first. Said I’d tell her everything.

RHYS: You did. I heard that. And then… [SFX: chaos, pain] My chest hurts. 

LENNOX: She’s cute.

RHYS: She’s trouble. But maybe less than we expected. Ok. What’s something you get at home that’s proper and doesn’t involve money?

LENNOX: Oooh, a riddle!

RHYS: It’s what Laurel wanted from these guys. 

LENNOX: Did you not do a debrief?

RHYS: They did but I wasn’t there. Or we did but… [the fuzzy edges of memory create a buzzing sound] I don’t… I don’t remember. What do you get at home? Something proper. And she doesn’t want money.

LENNOX: She’s asking for what she can get at home. No money… [a small laugh] Ah. Can you spell?

RHYS: Is this a test?

LENNOX: Hardly. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Find out what it means to me. … I’m going to forward Grace some playlists and I hope that she takes the time to educate the office on the classics.

RHYS: I know that song. It’s “Respect” by… Ariana…

LENNOX: Aretha Franklin.

RHYS: Yes. Exactly. My favourite. 

LENNOX: Hold on for a little longer, please. I want to see how this plays out.

RHYS: So… she wanted respect?

LENNOX: Appears so.

RHYS: The other guys, they just… got what they needed from her.

LENNOX: People can be like that.

RHYS: She gave them exactly what they wanted. And they didn’t appreciate it. So she took back the power. Burn out and fade away.

LENNOX: Good for her, I say!

RHYS: She offered many things, but what love is stronger? The love of self, of your own skills, of talent, or… your love for another?

LENNOX: Oh, she’d hate me then.

RHYS: I hate you.

LENNOX: Come now, that’s just being mean.

RHYS: If I survive, I’m going to find you.

LENNOX: You have a lot of fire for a dead man. 

RHYS: I’m not dead yet.

LENNOX: I see why you made Bea so spicy. You have some kick as well. A worthy adversary. 

RHYS_NARRATION: She wanted love. And these guys, they gave it to her. But they loved themselves more. They only loved her for what she could give them. So she saw no reason to stick around. She packed her bags and went onto the next and… that meant she took everything. Love comes with a cost. I don’t know if this was right, but… I don’t blame her? Sometimes you leave for a good reason. Not always… Most of us don’t. But sometimes. She did something harmful, but… I don’t think she’s really a concern for me now. 

RHYS: Did we… Bea… she… what happens to those guys?

LENNOX: What happens after any breakup: You rebuild and learn from it, or you are forever trapped in a hell of shared making. Things are starting to seem a little thin.

RHYS: My chest hurts.

LENNOX: The memory is fading.

RHYS: Am I… forgetting these things mid-thought?

LENNOX: Yes, death will do that to you. You’re unconscious. You’re only feeling bits and pieces.

RHYS: … you had your goon attack me.

LENNOX: Neil is hardly a hired goon. He’s an artist. A violent performance artist maybe, but he’s absolutely inspired in his barbarity. 

RHYS: Inspired to turn my guts into a Jackson Pollock on the wall.

LENNOX: Not my taste but I’ve never been much of an art guy. It’s interesting, though. You’re holding on quite well. 

RHYS: Maybe I’ll make it. 

LENNOX: Maybe. If you do, I’m sure I’ll see you again soon. 

RHYS: Pass.

LENNOX: I’d love to take you for another spin. 

RHYS: Hard pass. [SFX: noise on the edges, voices unintelligible, a heartbeat starting, slow and strained but building in intensity, Bea calling his name]

BEA: [from somewhere outside the memory] Rhys?! 

LENNOX: Now that is fascinating. Hmm.

RHYS: I don’t want you going near Bea or Grace.

LENNOX: Not your call.

RHYS: It’s my headspace.

LENNOX: And it’s my world out there. Do not confuse my grace in here for any sort of forgiveness out there. 

RHYS: Yo, chill. Let me die in peace then. 

LENNOX: I think you’ll continue on for another day. So, how does it end, Rhys?

RHYS: I didn’t end up ever really meeting Laurel. Bea went to go see her. She told me about it afterwards. Grace… she said… hm.

GRACE: [a memory] I’m not sending you over there, it’s too dangerous for you. Bea, this is on you.

RHYS: Bea went. Grace was… listening to messages. From you. And when Bea came back… she looked drained. But happy. She’d been gone for hours. And she was… she had a little bracelet on, a little beaded one. It was really pretty. Intricate. She… she said she made it. But just the one. I saw Grace wearing it later. Huh. What did she say…

LAUREL: What’s the price of love?

RHYS: Right. 

LAUREL: To create is to love the thing you are making. Creation is intimate, it is powerful. You must be kind. You must acknowledge your muse. You never know how long she will stay with you. 

RHYS: What was the first guy’s name? 

PAUL: [a memory] Paul. 

RHYS: Yeah, him, what he didn’t tell us is that there was one dude who did keep creating even after she left. She left his ability to write intact. What was different?

LAUREL: He listened. He looked to me for inspiration. But he appreciated it. And he didn’t take it for granted. So I spared him.

RHYS: He was one of the last guys we talked to. He didn’t hunger for anything other than the joy of creating. He gave her the respect she deserved for such a gift. A gift not lightly taken. A gift earned. 

LENNOX: That’s very cute. [SFX: the noise from the real world starts to push through, the heartbeat gets louder] The walls around you are thinning.

RHYS: Should death feel so clear? 

LENNOX: No. No it shouldn’t. But I’m glad I was here to see it. [SFX: the world grows quieter around them but the heartbeat builds and grows stronger and harder] Maybe… you were meant for something else. Oh, now this, hah, this is really enthralling. To see it happen from the inside out.

RHYS: What?

LENNOX: My boy, my dear boy, you will live another day. And you will have so much more to learn. I look forward to seeing you anew, Rhys. You can fight, but you can’t run. Not anymore. Tell them, tell Grace and Bea that I know! That they cannot hide! [SFX: the world fades around them until it is just Rhys and the vestiges of his thoughts]

BEA: [distorted, he can’t place the voice, it’s not Bea talking but it’s coming through as her] Are you always going to be like this?

RHYS: No, no, we’re not doing this. We’re not doing this now!

BEA/GRACE: [distorted, he can’t place the voice] Are you always going to run? 

RHYS: No, I don’t want to think about it. I don’t want to face my past! Think of something else, anything else… 

BEA: [saucy] Rhys… 

RHYS: That outfit is definitely not HR compliant.  

GRACE: [saucy] How about this?

RHYS: Oh man, really not the time for this, brain. 

BEA: Stop staring.

RHYS: I’m trying.

BEA: I said stop staring. 

RHYS: Ok, I’ll look at the ground. 

BEA: What do you want, Rhys? 

RHYS: Has there ever been a time when you wanted to bite me?

BEA: Yes, that first day when we worked together. 

RHYS: Think of this as me asking you out for dinner.

BEA: You’re asking to be dinner. 

RHYS: Could be fun.  

BEA: Rhys, I know this is scary-

RHYS: Copycat. No, wait. I know this is scary

BEA: Why are you comforting me? 

BEA: [memory] Why are you comforting me? 

RHYS: You want to switch places? 

BEA: Feels like I should.

BEA: [memory] Feels like I should. 

RHYS: Go ahead. Think of this as me asking you out for dinner [pulled out of memory] for help.  

BEA: Are you sure? [Are you sure?] [Are you sure?] [Are you sure?]

RHYS: Yes.

BEA: You can never go back.

RHYS: Why would I want to?

BEA: I hate how delicious you look right now. 

BEA: [memory] I hate how delicious you look right now.

RHYS: Does it hurt?

BEA: Do you want it to?

RHYS: A little.

BEA: Good.

RHYS_NARRATION: Memories, all memories. 

BEA: [in the distance, muffled] Rhys?

RHYS_NARRATION: Do I know what love is? 

BEA: [distant, muffled] Rhys, come on, come on. 

RHYS_NARRATION: I’m sure I do. I know that fire in my veins.

BEA: [distant, muffled] Oh god, please have this work, fuck.

RHYS_NARRATION: I know it when I feel it.

BEA: [distant, muffled] Come on!

RHYS_NARRATION: I feel that burning in me now. 

BEA: [distant, muffled] Rhys?

RHYS_NARRATION: It’s not love. 

BEA: [distant, muffled] Can you hear me?

RHYS_NARRATION: Or if it is, it’s definitely a twisted form. 

BEA: [distant, muffled] Fuck.

RHYS_NARRATION: That warps my body and renders me anew, the same yet different on every level. 

BEA: [distant, muffled] Rhys?

RHYS_NARRATION: Maybe you do these things out of love. Maybe you do them for yourself. 

BEA: [distant, muffled] You there? Come on, come on…

RHYS_NARRATION: Either way, I’ll be at your side, whether you planned for this or not. 

RHYS: [sore, but awake] Bea?

BEA: Oh thank fucking god, oh my god.

RHYS: … Did it work?

BEA: I… we… we have some things we need to talk about. 

[end]

 

 

Credits

Featuring the voices of:

Ian Boddy as Rhys
Emily Kellogg as Grace / Laurel
Alex Nursall as Bea
Rob Deobald as Lennox
and Kyle Anderson as Paul / Zach

Woodbine is an original podcast created, written, and produced by Emily Kellogg and Alex Nursall
This episode was written and directed by Alex Nursall
Production and promotion by Emily Kellogg
Engineering and sound design by Ian Boddy
Theme by Phil Wright
Music by Phil Wright and Ian Boddy
Recorded at Pirate Sound
Artwork by Andy Kelly
Distributed by Realm