Woodbine

Summary

There’s something in the distance, just out of sight. There’s something whispering to you in the darkness, but you can’t make the words out. There’s something coming, but you can’t seem to make out what it is. The storm is growing and growing and growing, thunder in the distance, a lightning flash on the edge of your vision.

You feel something stirring. What do you do next?

Content Warnings: N/A

Transcript

 

[SFX: A bubbling scientist’s lab, a test tube breaks]

 

THE MAESTRO: Alas, alas! What a fool I was to think this would finally work! You hear that? My brilliance, all for… nothing. A mockery of a craft. I am ashamed to call myself an alchemist. … What horrors have I wrought upon this world…

 

[SFX: They’re in the office. Grace is typing and only sort of paying attention]

 

RHYS: I don’t want to touch it.

BEA: Someone’s going to have to.

RHYS: Don’t make me do it first.

BEA: Can I call seniority?

GRACE: [still working] If you must.

RHYS: Noooo.

BEA: I’m your supervisor. And your creator. That has to count for something.

RHYS: Weird. Ugh. Alright.

GRACE: [SFX: closes her laptop] It’ll be fine. The subway will speed things up and you won’t have to carry anything for that long.

RHYS: What if it makes me… y’know… act weird or something?

GRACE: Then you’ll fit in perfectly.

BEA: Let’s get going. We’ll see you in a bit?

GRACE: Yeah, I’ll be heading out shortly as well, I’ll see you guys there.

RHYS: [deep breath] Ok. You promise it won’t make my head explode, right?

GRACE: I don’t think it can do that.

RHYS: Will I be attacked by locusts?

GRACE: I doubt it.

RHYS: What about frogs?

GRACE: This feels too biblical. You’ll be fine. Just keep your head down, avoid others, don’t call your ex.

RHYS: That’s good advice in general.

GRACE: I need to get out west to meet with our client.

RHYS: You can just say The Maestro, speaking of not calling your ex. … What? This office is very small. I hear everything.

GRACE: Get moving.

RHYS: Alright. Got snacks- [SFX: a sloshing noise from a big plastic bag]

BEA: Is that a camelbak full of blood?

RHYS: Want some?

BEA: Maybe later.

RHYS: Well I got that, got my lucky underwear on-

BEA: What makes them lucky?

RHYS: Vibes, mostly. And the checkerboard pattern, I think.

GRACE: Lovely. Let me know if there are any issues. Good luck.

RHYS: Thank you.

BEA: Let’s do this. [SFX: the door closes]

GRACE_NARRATION: A cursed book… I haven’t seen one of those since… Well, in the early days of the agency, when I was fresher and alone and searching for distraction, many a suspicious object appeared on my desk. What can I say? People come across strange items and they need someone to deal with them. I would help. I’d find buyers, disposal options, I even burned a few under the light of a full moon. But all it takes is one bad necklace, one haunted vase, or one homicidal possessed doll… to change people. For some, it’s a catalyst. For most, it’s a curse.

For me, it was a book. A different one. A photo album, actually. It was filled with pictures of people that melted when you looked at them, their eyes turning black and smearing down the page. A mere glance at the images doomed their subjects. I thought I had found a place to hide it, somewhere far from any prying eyes: a coven of sightless witches just outside Fortune Harbour in Newfoundland. But… [sigh] I was unlucky. As I was packing, I dropped the book. The clasp broke. It sprung open. And the pictures flew out everywhere.

I found out a day later that a boat carrying an entire family line had sunk. There were no survivors.

I blamed myself. I was careless. I was overconfident. My actions hurt people. Again. So, I’ve tried to steer clear of cursed objects. There have been a few exceptions. The Grimaldi nose. There was a talking doll a few years ago… an evil one. It said it wanted to cuddle you… I don’t know, it was odd. But The Maestro called me again. He’s disembodied, but alive. And he needs this particular book to finish something important. He had been tracing it from deep in a catacomb under Paris, finding couriers who could bring it as far as they were willing – able – to go. Never very far for anyone, mind you. It’s dangerous. It is an ever shifting volume, filled with all the knowledge you want, but if you touch it – even with gloves – you are inflicted with its curse. And the curse grows and grows until it’s too late. It makes transportation an issue. A person stays in contact with the book for an extended period of time at their own peril… and gods forbid it get a taste of you.

So it’s moved from hand to hand over the last few months, tracked and tagged and lost and refound. Finally, it arrived on my desk for its last leg. I’ve… I’ve seen this book before. A long time ago. Even as it touched the wood in front of me I knew it remembered me. I haven’t put a finger on it. I can’t. I won’t. I’ve seen inside of its pages before. And its seen inside me. So… I need to rely on others. The book needs to be carried by someone untouched by its curse, though. I… can’t handle it. Not after the last time. Even hidden away in Bea’s desk, I can smell the ink on its pages, the malice inside of it. If I took it, then… Well, a predator senses weakness, doesn’t it? I don’t… trust myself. So I have to, unfortunately, place this on Bea and Rhys. They’ve figured out a plan: swapping it back and forth, giving each other a break. It’s… rudimentary. But it’ll give them enough space to handle such an aggressive thing. We’d try driving it over but one traffic jam and you’re trapped in your hybrid all wheel drive coffin. But the TTC? Well, the subway is already cursed in its own way. Perhaps they’ll… neutralize one another. The Maestro wanted to see me privately before the delivery, to speak about… issues. That’s concerning. He didn’t specify entirely for dramatic purposes. Maybe he’s having problems since losing Desdemona. [SFX: phone ringing]

GRACE: Bea?

BEA: [phone] Grace, we got a problem. 

GRACE: Oh no.

BEA: [phone] Subway’s down from Woodbine to Broadview, closed from Broadview to St. George, then maaaaybe it’s running from there to Jane but I’m unsure if that will happen. No, wait, there’s a planned outage from St. George to Dundas West. Shuttle buses are “running.”

GRACE: We cannot rely on the shuttle buses.

BEA: [phone] There’s also a street festival on Bloor running until about midnight. And also one on Dundas until god knows when.

GRACE: Shit.

BEA: [phone] Also I think there’s a protest heading this way.

GRACE: That’s just great. I assume there’s a marathon or something else on as well?

BEA: [phone] Yeah, we didn’t account for that 10k that’s running today. What are we supposed to do?

GRACE: Uh…

GRACE_NARRATION: They can’t use the subway. Surface routes are blocked or bypassed or a mess, so it wouldn’t help to drive… This city is not designed to get around in! Might as well sentence them to a car crash right now…

BEA: [phone] Grace? Hello? Hello?

GRACE: Hi, sorry, lost in thought. I guess… you start running.

BEA: [phone] Damnit.

GRACE: Send me something so I can track your location.

BEA: [phone] Alright.

RHYS: [phone but not on mic] What’d she say?

BEA: [phone, off mic slightly] We gotta run.

RHYS: [phone but not on mic] Stupid book. Alright. [SFX: boom of thunder] You didn’t bring an umbrella, did you? Shit.

GRACE: You two be safe, ok? Alternate who’s holding the book. Don’t let one of you hold it for too long. Let me know if anything goes wrong. I’ll see you both soon.

 

[SFX: transition, the office]

 

GRACE_NARRATION: The book is… weird. It’s greasy, first of all. Soaked in some sort of oil that protects and preserves it. But this also means that it rubs onto everything, leaving stains on all it touches, both inside and out. It’s not that it’s dirty. There’s just this film on it that you can’t seem to rub off. Even for us, we’re carrying it wrapped in oilcloth, treated with linseed and beeswax. Some objects, they leave marks on you. But this one… it doesn’t so much leave a mark as it leaves a scar. It burrows into you, knows what you’re doing. What you fear. Once the darkness within knows, it follows. You can’t open it and read what’s inside because it will only reflect the worst of you, the parts of you that you want to hide. It will hurt you. So why are we bringing it to him? Well, he’s a brilliant mind who understands the dangers of such an object. And, to be more literal, he’s a brilliant mind now. Becoming a brain in a vat has not stopped him from his work. He’s flourishing. Turns out the body was holding him back. Shame. I quite liked the body. Either way, there was a project that he was finishing and this book was the last thing he needed- [SFX: FLASHBACK TIME, phone rings]

THE MAESTRO: [phone] My dear Grace, I know this is a big ask but you must understand that I am in no state to head out into the wider world at the moment.

GRACE: And your assistants?

THE MAESTRO: [phone] Busy. We are very close to a breakthrough and the experiment cannot be left alone.

GRACE: Of course.

THE MAESTRO: [phone] This tome, it’s… of great importance to me. And I can only trust you with it.

GRACE: I see…

THE MAESTRO: [phone] You are truly one of a kind.

GRACE_NARRATION: I can still sense the smears of oil on the desk, slick under my fingertips, they- [SFX: phone rings]… oh, what the hell now? [SFX: she answers]

GRACE: What?

LENNOX: [phone] What are you up to?

GRACE: Work, obviously. I already sent you a message today.

LENNOX: [phone] Can you do a few things for me?

GRACE: I’m busy!

LENNOX: [phone] I know. But that’s not how this arrangement works.

GRACE: Get Neil to do it!

LENNOX: [phone] Neil’s dead.

GRACE: Right.

LENNOX: [phone] You know, I am looking for a new assistant.

GRACE: Never in a thousand years would I lower myself to that.

LENNOX: [phone] I’d love the chance to chat with Bea.

GRACE: No.

LENNOX: [phone] You think you can stop me at every door?

GRACE: You want attention? Fine. Here. Take it. What do you want?

LENNOX: [phone] My offer of safety still stands.

GRACE: A trap if there ever was one.

LENNOX: [phone] The board is on my back. I can only fend them off for so long.

GRACE: [sigh] What happens if I just take off? What if I leave? You can’t hold me here.

LENNOX: [phone] I could. But I don’t want to hurt you.

GRACE: Hah!

LENNOX: [phone] It would be nice if you could just… make a few vampires for me. Test it out. See if it feels right.

GRACE: Not a chance.

LENNOX: [phone] Would Bea be willing to try? If someone has to do it-

GRACE: Never her. Never ever.

LENNOX: [phone] It wouldn’t even be her first time! You’re such a prude.

GRACE: I’ll think about it. I’m not coming in anytime soon.

LENNOX: [phone] I’ll be the decider of that. I have some paperwork concerning your lease that you’ll have to sign.

GRACE: Email it. I have other things to do.

LENNOX: [phone] Great speaking to you as always, Grace. I’ll be expecting an update soon. Have a nice evening. [SFX: he hangs up]

GRACE_NARRATION: I should never have gone over there. I should never have opened that door again. Was it weakness? Foolishness? A pathetic hope that he’d changed? He’ll never change. I am fighting so hard to keep my life, but I’m constantly waiting for him to crush us, me and Bea, even Rhys turned to dust. It is not a huge ask but it feels monumental, a shadow cast over my life, an unending eclipse. Because he’s unwilling to let go. And I fear that I have put us here, even though I know it’s him, it’s him, who has created all this fear, this pain. I’ve made it so far, but I’m back here again. And I don’t know how much longer I can hold fast.

 

[SFX: transition. Bea and Rhys are walking briskly down the street in the dark. It’s raining]

 

BEA: How’s the cursed book?

RHYS: Not bad so far. We should be fine.

BEA: I was hoping there would be more people out, to… distract it or something.

RHYS: It sucks out here tonight, so I get it. I’d definitely prefer to be home. Lousy storm.

BEA: That’s not rain on your forehead, that’s bird poop.

RHYS: Ah, for cryin’ out loud. [SFX: wipes face] The bad luck begins!

BEA: Well, when it starts to feel… uncomfortable… give it to me.

RHYS: Right on. [they walk in silence for a bit] So… how’ve you been?

BEA: Not bad. Busy. We’ve been busy.

RHYS: Yeah, lots going on. Did you see the photos of what happened with that dude who bought the griffin we were trying to track down?

BEA: Yeah, that was gruesome.

RHYS: You’re telling me. I had to pick my way through that mess to see if I could find anything for dental records.

BEA: It’s not the pet, it’s the owner.

RHYS: Yep. Ah, this ain’t so bad-[SFX: trips, catches himself] Whoa! Almost lost it there. Ain’t got me yet, book! [Bea laughs a little] … Don’t take that as a challenge. So… you’ve been kind of… quiet since… y’know…

BEA: Since you were turned.

RHYS: Yeah. What’s up?

BEA: [sigh] I’m not avoiding you. It’s just… I don’t know.

RHYS: You can talk to me. I mean, you better do it fast before the book makes things weird, but… yeah. I want to make sure… things are ok.

BEA: They are. It’s not you. It is… guilt.

RHYS: I asked you to do this.

BEA: I know! But I can’t stop thinking about it. And… every time I get close to you it’s like that moment becomes clear again. And that’s really scary.

RHYS: Oh.

BEA: It’s the proximity, I haven’t been able to find a way to shut it out just yet. I’m trying. I really am. But… the body keeps not just the score but all the details of the game, there’s also a full playback and it’s just a lot. It’s a lot! Like you know what this stupid power is good for? [SFX: TRANSITION! montage!]

GUY: I swear, I didn’t touch him.

BEA: Can I see your hand? [SFX: magic] Ooh, yeah you did. [SFX: transition]

GIRL: Our relationship was always good.

BEA: There’s a bug on you. [SFX: she puts a hand on her, magic] Nope. [SFX: transition]

GUY 2: Have you ever considered the idea that- [SFX: Bea slaps her hand onto his arm, magic]

BEA: That’s bull, and you really shouldn’t have beat him up. [SFX: transition back to reality]

BEA: It’s weird, ok? It’s useful to weed out liars, but it’s just… a lot to handle sometimes. Makes getting close to anyone… uncomfortable.

RHYS: You know you can just tell me these things.

BEA: Yeah, maybe Grace is rubbing off on me.

RHYS: Does she hide stuff from you? I know you two are at the very least hooking up, it’s not subtle.

BEA: You heard us the first night, didn’t you?

RHYS: Who didn’t?

BEA: [sigh] She can be… obtuse, sometimes. I think it’s a coping mechanism, something she’s learned from years of… Lennox, I’d guess.

RHYS: That would make sense. [SFX: there’s a sound like something running around in the branches of a tall tree above them] [SFX: shakes hand] Ugh, there’s something oily on my pocket.

BEA: The book is leaking through the bag. [SFX: a chittering noise and tree branch starts to crack] RHYS, LOOK OUT! [SFX: she shoves him over and they hit the ground as a huge branch impales the ground where they were standing] Holy shit, that branch would’ve crushed you.

RHYS: I know vampires can be staked but this is a BIT much!

BEA: Gimme the book. Let’s see how my luck holds out. … Can I get some of the camelbak?

RHYS: Coming right up.

 

[SFX: transition. Grace walks into the Maestro’s lair]

 

GRACE: Hello?

THE MAESTRO: Welcome, friend of me! [SFX: the vat comes over on a wheeled thing]

GRACE: The Maestro, glad to see you still love an entrance. You’re looking well.

THE MAESTRO: I’d like to thank you for the recommendation of the aquarium plants, they have helped greatly with keeping the algae down.

GRACE: Well, you’re my favourite brain in a vat and I’d like to help keep you… as fresh as always.

THE MAESTRO: Come, come, join me in the lab. Can I get you anything?

GRACE: I’m quite content, darling.

THE MAESTRO: And your team is on the way?

GRACE: They are, according to my phone they are… [SFX: checks phone] moving along. Quickly, I might add.

THE MAESTRO: Punctuality. A virtue!

GRACE: You’re sure that this is the best book for the job? There wasn’t anything you could… search for online?

THE MAESTRO: I am indeed, it is… a volatile treatise to say the least, but… I need it to fix what I have done.

GRACE: Fix? I thought-

THE MAESTRO: I did not think! I only acted. And soon we will all pay for it.

GRACE: You said it had to do with what Lennox hired you to do.

THE MAESTRO: It does indeed. And, my dear, I’d take your hand now if I could but… ah, let me explain…

 

[SFX: transition, quiet street, Bea is limping]

 

RHYS: Want me to take it back?

BEA: I’m doing great!

RHYS: The ankle you rolled speaks otherwise, gimme. Also the bloody nose.

BEA: I didn’t expect that flock of pigeons to fly into me! Whatever. Fine. [SFX: she hands the book over] Ahh… feels better already.

RHYS: Does it?

BEA: … honestly? A little.

RHYS: So what happens if we open it-

BEA: Don’t open it, don’t get bodily fluids on it-

RHYS: Ewwwww.

BEA: Don’t get familiar with it. We can’t read it anyway. It can apparently only be read by the person who needs to use it and that is definitely not us.

RHYS: Right. It’s already oily, what are “fluids” going to do? And it’s ruined my shirt, that’s great. Stupid cursed book- [SFX: phone starts ringing, but a little distorted] Oh, uh… it’s my ex-wife…

BEA: Don’t you DARE pick up.

RHYS: What if it’s important?

BEA: It’s like, rule number one!

RHYS: It’ll be fine, I think I should-

BEA: It’s the BOOK, Rhys! It’s probably not even actually her! Here, give me your phone- come on! [SFX: they scuffle, he knocks her backwards into a puddle, he goes with her] Ahh! Oh, come ON.

RHYS: I’m… I’m sorry, [SFX: he gets up and helps her up] uh… if it helps, I’m also disgusting.

BEA: It doesn’t. Give me the book. [SFX: she takes it] God, this thing is warm.

RHYS: That’s a bad sign.

BEA: Should a book be pulsating? No. No, alright, uh-… Let’s keep moving. Should we jog for a bit?

RHYS: Subway back up? [SFX: checks phone] Ah, no, shuttle buses are still running.

BEA: Let’s get going. [SFX: there’s the sound of a garbage can falling over and then footsteps] Did you see that?

RHYS: Huh?

BEA: There was a shape-

RHYS: I didn’t see anything… [looks around] maybe the book is messing with you.

BEA: I think I’ll be ok. It’s just… very warm. And oozing.

BEA_NARRATION: The book throbs in my hands. The moment I touched it, I could feel a malice in it. It seeps wrongness, filth, anger.

BOOK: open me, look inside, I can help you

BEA: Can you hear that?

RHYS: No?

BOOK: together we can fix things, destroy your enemies, I can make you beautiful-

BEA: Gaaaah, ok the book is talking to me-

RHYS: Wait, actually?

BEA: Yes.

RHYS: What’s it saying?

BOOK: they’re coming for you. It’s behind you. [Bea turns around looking]

BEA: That’s they’re coming.

RHYS: Who is?

BOOK: the monsters are coming for you

BEA: Monsters. [SFX: there’s a little bit of unintelligible whispering on the wind] Ok! Ok, it’s getting to me, it’s- [SFX: paper cut, she makes a pained noise] God, that stings-… oh no.

RHYS: … paper cut?

BEA: Yeah.

RHYS: I don’t think paper should absorb blood that fast. [SFX: there’s a ghostly, wracking laugh from somewhere outside of time] I’ll take it. Let’s start running.

BEA: Maybe you should leave me behind-

RHYS: Maybe, but I don’t want to be alone with this thing.

BEA: Alright.

BEA_NARRATION: The cut immediately seals shut but there’s a dark line where it was. With every pulse I can feel a sharp pain ricocheting up through my arm into my chest. It knows me now. It has tasted blood.

BEA: Shit.

RHYS: Gimme, [SFX: takes the book, cuts self] ow! Stupid gilded edges-… aw shit.

BEA: Well, now we’re both in the thick of it. [SFX: the rain starts up and immediately gets heavy] Hell yeah, let’s see what this baby can do.

 

[SFX: transition. The lair of the Maestro]

 

GRACE: But why continue if it never seemed to work?

THE MAESTRO: Why stop a painter if they haven’t achieved perfect realism yet? That’s the beauty of the challenge, something too wonderful to back down from.

GRACE: But you never made a vampire.

THE MAESTRO: Alas, no. Unless I can figure out where I’ve gone wrong, it appears you would have to continue to make them… the old fashioned way.

GRACE: What did you make?

THE MAESTRO: A foul creature. Something driven only by hunger. Controlled by force and by magic. Something malleable and… violent.

GRACE: No…

THE MAESTRO: A miscalculation is all it took.

GRACE: If this is what I’m thinking… you created one wholecloth?

THE MAESTRO: This is no Frankenstein’s experiment, I… I tested it on a volunteer.

GRACE: The MAESTRO! How COULD you?!

THE MAESTRO: He offered! He wanted to know-

GRACE: Human?

THE MAESTRO: At first… yes.

GRACE: At FIRST?

THE MAESTRO: Oh Grace, Grace my dearest, I only wanted to push the boundaries of what I could do. Of what could be done!

GRACE: You made monsters-

THE MAESTRO: Hush! … I do not know who can hear you.

GRACE: Lennox paid you to do something already verging on unethical and you crossed that line… again and again.

THE MAESTRO: All participants were willing! At least… they said they were.

GRACE_NARRATION: I don’t know how to tell him that I’ve never been this disappointed in someone. How I know that this could send us down a road we can’t turn back from. How horrific it is to have done such a thing. But all that comes out of my mouth is…

GRACE: How many did you create?

THE MAESTRO: Me? A bare handful. A human, a vampire, a werewolf.

GRACE: You turned a werewolf?!

THE MAESTRO: That is the… one I am most concerned about.

GRACE: And they’re just… out there?

THE MAESTRO: They are under observation. … Most of them.

GRACE: [sighs] This book better fix everything. Or else we’re going to have much bigger problems.

 

[SFX: transition. Street. Pouring rain, they’re running]

 

RHYS: Stop, hang on, I got a stitch, ahh.

BEA: You’re a vampire, how does that even happen?

RHYS: Vampire! Right! We can get there faster if we… BATS [SFX: he turns into bats]

BEA: Rhys! Rhys you-… WE CAN’T CARRY A BOOK IF WE’RE BATS. Ok, alright, I’m just going to keep moving and Rhys can find me. Bunch of stupid wet bats can find me. [SFX: she keeps walking]

BOOK: There are monsters everywhere.

BEA: I mean, yeah, that’s not news.

BOOK: I can help you make more.

BEA: Why… why would I want that?

BOOK: Alchemist… 

BEA: Wrong one.

BOOK: … vaaaampire.

BEA: There we go.

BOOK: You taste like a maker. A maker of monsters.

BEA: Yeah well you look very flammable. [SFX: pain noise] Stop giving me papercuts!

BOOK: heh heh heh heh heh… you are keeping secrets.

BEA: Yes, I’m not telling you anything.

BOOK: From your… you taste like a lover, sweet love at your fingertips-

BEA: I will throw you on the ground.

BOOK: hehehehehe… you taste like bad choices. His eye trains on you… but you keep it there to hold his gaze from others. [SFX: there’s a noise of footsteps nearby, shuffling around in the rain] and you’re being watched. You are being followed.

BEA: … I don’t see anything-

BOOK: but it knows where you are. That’s the real danger.

BEA: God, Rhys, get your ass back here. [SFX: Bats reappear]

RHYS: BEA!

BEA: SHIT-… don’t DO that.

RHYS: Sorry, I thought you were behind me, then I remembered that bats can’t carry bags. Although maybe if all of us tried? No, that’s stupid. You look… [quietly] like there is something behind you.

BEA: Is there?

RHYS: Yes.

BEA: Is it coming towards us?

RHYS: Not currently. But it’s… hunched. And not human.

BEA: Do you know what it is?

RHYS: No.

BOOK: don’t let it get too close or else you will know what the future holds…

 

[SFX: transition. The Maestro’s lair]

 

THE MAESTRO: Monsters made of burnt blood and magic… foul magic.

GRACE: You cannot tell me you lost control-

THE MAESTRO: You can control them! But with a talisman lost to time, broken, likely. I hope to find it in the book, the description. Perhaps through my channels I can find the item.

GRACE: [SFX: flipping through papers] These ingredients… Burnt blood… you know that’s devilry!

THE MAESTRO: Hush! It is a craft!

GRACE: Did you even get close to what you meant to do?

THE MAESTRO: It… I almost got there. I almost had it. Then that foul revenant came in and destroyed me, my body, my work! My love… But the mind, that can never be destroyed, not one such as my own. And the work continued, to find a way to replace the need for vampires to create vampires… a workaround for the curséd biological processes that beget unlife! And I had it! … Almost.

 

[SFX: transition. Bea and Rhys are heading through a small laneway]

 

BOOK: so, how’s your ex wife?

RHYS: I’m going to slam it shut a few times, gimme that-

BEA: Rhys, no! Keep moving! [SFX: a weird little noise behind her] Don’t look back. [SFX: there’s a sound like teeth chattering and a metallic noise like a recycling bin has been knocked over] [quietly to self] Don’t be an idiot, don’t fight if you don’t have to, just run-

RHYS: If we both see it it’s real.

BOOK: it IS real

RHYS: Stupid book is whispering at me now…

GHOUL: Miss… miss…

BEA: Been a long time since someone’s called me that…

GHOUL: [it lets out a weird little laugh] You got vamp blood in you…

BEA: What are you?

[THE MAESTRO: I was blinded by money. And hubris. And the spoils… but… ]

GHOUL: You got that vamp blood, you got that vamp blood, thick as tar-

BEA: Back off.

GHOUL: Not safe around these parts, heard vamps are dying. A dyyyying breed!

[THE MAESTRO: I flew too close to the sun.]

RHYS: And is it you causing it?

GHOUL: Maaaaaybe, want to test your theeeeeeory?

RHYS: No.

[THE MAESTRO: I made something that was no longer human, but not a vampire. A being trapped in] between. In pain.

[GRACE: Say it. Confirm to me what you made! SAY IT!]

GHOUL: Going to have to at some point. [SFX: shuffling footsteps forward, it stops]

BEA: What… ARE you?

[THE MAESTRO: Ghouls, my dear Grace. I made something ghoulish. In more ways than one.]

GHOUL: A warning. Don’t do anything stupid. Don’t be an idiot if you don’t have to, don’t fight, just run. [SFX: there’s a pause, and then it stomps forwards, trying to scare her. Bea jumps back]

BEA: Good advice- [SFX: they turn and take off running]

 

[SFX: transition, the Maestro’s lab]

 

GRACE: That’s… incredibly dangerous if that gets out.

THE MAESTRO: Yes, and the formula is now only stored here and… in Lennox’s facility. He demanded a copy! And I was so distraught and lost that… I gave it. So I must make an antidote! Or, at the very least… the correct formula.

GRACE: Focus on the antidote, please. [SFX: phone buzzes, call] Huh. … Excuse me. [SFX: picks up] Hello?

HOLLIS: [phone] Hello.

GRACE: … Not to be rude right off the hop but why are you calling me?

HOLLIS: [phone] Well, Lennox has been re-opening channels with you so I thought I’d also join in. How’s it going? What are you doing Friday? Want to go for a massage?

GRACE: Yeah, ok. Goodbye.

HOLLIS: [phone] Grace, wait. I’m calling for an actual reason.

GRACE: Look, my nerves are spent, so if you’re going to start lording my secrets over me as well then get in line.

HOLLIS: [phone] As much as I would love to do that, I have bigger issues. And you do as well.

GRACE: … I assume you’re talking about Lennox.

HOLLIS: [phone] Yes, I am.

GRACE: So why come to me about it? You want to hang out, you want to gossip?

HOLLIS: [phone] I’m tired of dealing with him. And I know he’s on your back. And I have ideas of how to get him off.

GRACE: Go to someone else.

HOLLIS: [phone] This will sound a little nuts, but who else can I trust?

GRACE: You’re right, that sounds completely nuts.

HOLLIS: [phone] But aren’t the best plans a little crazy?

GRACE: You have 3 minutes.

HOLLIS: [phone] You retained your voting shares when you left the company, didn’t you?

GRACE: … I did.

HOLLIS: [phone] I think it’s time that he finds something else to do with his afterlife.

GRACE: Oust him? You can’t be serious.

HOLLIS: [phone] Sure. But I’m not the only one here who’d like some new blood.

GRACE: I’m not coming in.

HOLLIS: [phone] Don’t worry, I wouldn’t ask. I would like to put a boot on his neck. So why not play his game? If we can get enough of the board on our side we can get him out. It’s simple. No violence, no fuss. Remove his main source of power.

GRACE: He’ll rip everyone apart for doing that.

HOLLIS: [phone] We can cut that off at the pass.

GRACE: Yeah, right.

HOLLIS: [phone] You know that I wouldn’t come to you if I didn’t mean it.

GRACE: … I guess.

HOLLIS: [phone] So help me.

GRACE: I don’t know.

HOLLIS: [phone] Let’s talk in person. Can you meet me at the necropolis? We can chat there.

GRACE: You still keep an office there?

HOLLIS: I like the atmosphere.

GRACE: I… let me think about it. I’ll see what Bea’s doing.

HOLLIS: [phone] I’d prefer if you didn’t involve her.

GRACE: Why?

HOLLIS: [phone] Because Lennox has been… turning his eye to her. [tense pause] Oh, she didn’t tell you? He’s been poking around in her head.

GRACE: She… hm.

HOLLIS: [phone] Sorry, I had assumed you two would’ve talked about it. I didn’t mean to be the messenger.

GRACE: I’m sure it’s his usual prodding.

HOLLIS: [phone] It’s never nothing with him. So if he’s in your girlfriend’s dreamspace then you have one more reason to get his ass out the door and walking into the sunrise.

GRACE: … Fine. I’ll… check my schedule.

HOLLIS: [phone] Alright. Let me know. [SFX: a noise in the background] I should go. Message me when you can.

GRACE: Uh, sure. Bye [SFX: they hang up]… Alright then. [she lets out a breath] Oh boy. [SFX: the door slams open, Bea and Rhys come running in, slamming it shut behind them] Whoa, what happened to you two?

RHYS: I went through a window. The one upstairs, I thought it was a glass door. It wasn’t.

BEA: Here’s your damn book. [SFX: drops it on the table, the whispering laugh] Man, shut up. Hey The Maestro, how’s the vat?

THE MAESTRO: Quite comfortable, thank you. And thank you both for transporting such a…

RHYS: Dickish.

THE MAESTRO: Priceless object.

BEA: Grace, something chased us here. There’s fucking-

GRACE: Ghouls.

BEA: Gh-… oh. Yeah, how did you know? … Oh, please don’t tell me that this book is something that will help combat a sudden ghoul issue that now will be plaguing the city as caused by some sort of… horrific experiment brought on by Mr. The Maestro here?

THE MAESTRO: … yes?

BEA: Sorry, it’s just doing detective work does this to your brain.

GRACE: Did it see you come here?

BEA: I don’t think so, although you will want to get that window fixed.

RHYS: Yeah, sorry.

BEA: This thing better be worth it.

THE MAESTRO: Did you open it?

BEA: No, but it got a little taste of us.

RHYS: Some more than others.

BEA: Either way-

THE MAESTRO: Did you look inside?

RHYS: No, it was too busy whispering creepy nothings.

THE MAESTRO: Interesting… very interesting. This book, it’s… magic throughout. The pages, the bindings, the very ink the words are written in. Alchemical, all of it! Runes awash with power!

RHYS: Yeah, it’s a talking book.

THE MAESTRO: It knows, my friend, it knows what is in your mind. If you know how to control it, how to read it, it is an incredible well of power! The things I hope to find in its constantly shifting text.

BEA: And if you don’t know what you’re doing?

THE MAESTRO: It’ll feed on you. Isn’t that what magic does best? Devour those who think they can handle something without preparation.

BEA: And you feel safe with this?

GRACE: We’ll have to trust that he does.

THE MAESTRO: Garçons? [SFX: two claps of metal hands] Please see to the window. And also bring him some damp paper towels. [SFX: two assistants leave] Did the book cause you many issues? [pregnant pause] A silly question indeed. Come. Let me get you something for your troubles and I can start my work… for there is much to do…

 

[SFX: transition. Rhys’s place. Bea walks down the hall into the living room]

 

BEA: Thank you for the use of the shower. Every part of me felt disgusting. Too gross even for the bus.

RHYS: I’m just glad I live close. [pause] Hey, uh…

BEA: Hm?

RHYS: I want to try something.

BEA: Ok.

RHYS: Come here. [SFX: she walks over and sits down on the couch] Ok, this is going to be a little silly but like, stay with me.

BEA: Uh, alright.

RHYS: Concentrate. Think about… good things. Grace, or a nice meal, or… your favourite place to visit.

BEA: [deep breath] Alright.

RHYS: Take my hand.

BEA: Rhys-

RHYS: No, I don’t want our relationship to be… marred by this. I don’t want it to be weird. And the idea that I can make your brain hurt if I accidentally brush up against you at the wrong time or hug you or something is just bad for everyone involved. So let’s try something. What are you thinking about?

BEA: … I was out in BC a few years ago. I was alone at the house we were staying at one morning and I was sitting out on the deck having a coffee. And there was a hummingbird feeder there, and there were just… endless hummingbirds. The sun was warm, the weather was gorgeous, and there were just so, so many tiny birds flitting around. It was glorious.

RHYS: Do you miss the sun?

BEA: I do. Sometimes, I… I really really do.

RHYS: Same. [SFX: she puts her head on his shoulder] But hey, good news.

BEA: Hm?

RHYS: You put your head on my shoulder.

BEA: I did.

RHYS: How is it?

BEA: It’s good. I don’t see… anything. Just hummingbirds.

RHYS: That sounds much nicer.

BEA: Same. You want to know what the hardest part of this new body is?

RHYS: What?

BEA: I can’t cry. It’s not that I want to, it’s just… I don’t know if I can anymore. I feel… strong. I feel lithe. I am beautiful. But I can’t find that well anymore and it’s just a piece of my… humanness that I don’t know how to relinquish.

RHYS: Yeah…

BEA: You ok?

RHYS: Yeah, I’m… good.

BEA: Even after seeing your ex-waaaaife again?

RHYS: Heh. I… needed to let go. At some point, I knew I had to. I just… didn’t have a space where I felt safe enough to do that yet.

BEA: And now?

RHYS: I’m not running, am I?

BEA: Be shitty if you did.

RHYS: Ah, there’s plenty of time to be shitty again.

BEA: Please don’t.

RHYS: Yeah. … yeah.

BEA: So… let’s try to be normal again. What have you been up to this week?

RHYS: Oh, uh… nothing, really.

 

[SFX: transition. Hollis’s bedroom. Hollis is putting clothes back on]

 

HOLLIS: Thanks for that.

RHYS: Same.

HOLLIS: As per usual, if you tell Grace, I rip your nuts off.

RHYS: What if I’m into it? [terse pause] Alright, alright, I won’t.

HOLLIS: Good. Now go. I got work to do.

RHYS: What spooky thing does Lennox have you doing now?

HOLLIS: If you want some honesty, I’m planning to reach out to Grace to see about… removing him from his position as CEO.

RHYS: [SFX: sitting up] Whoa, really?

HOLLIS: Yes, and if you tell anyone – and I include your friend Bea in here – please see above comment about the nut ripping.

RHYS: She’d want him out as well.

HOLLIS: Yes, and if he can’t focus on Grace then he’ll go to the next best thing. Don’t want her having any knowledge of this or else he’ll find out.

RHYS: She’d never tell him.

HOLLIS: She doesn’t have to tell him.

RHYS: … Right.

HOLLIS: So you keep your mouth shut.

RHYS: Why tell me?

HOLLIS: Who knows. Maybe I like you. Maybe I want to manipulate your mind. Maybe I want you to myself.

RHYS: I doubt that last one. [SFX: gets up out of the bed]

HOLLIS: Smart. I’ll call you.

RHYS: When?

HOLLIS: Whenever. Thank you for the satisfactory time.

RHYS: … satisfactory? Come on.

 

[SFX: transition. Dreamscape]

 

BEA_NARRATION: I’m waiting for Grace to come over to mine but… I doze off. It’s been a long day. And here he is again, the man who has been haunting my dreams since I walked into that office.

LENNOX: Hello again.

BEA: I’m just going to have a nice nap and focus on something that’s not you, ok? It’s been a long day. [SFX: the sound of a tray filled with a teapot, small plate with cookies, and a teacup appears] Ah, I’m going to have a spot of tea. As you can see, there’s only one cup.

LENNOX: I won’t take it personally.

BEA: You should.

LENNOX: [SFX: walking around] You’re altering the dream. Quickly, too. And very astutely. That’s skill.

BEA: It’s a dream, it’s not hard.

LENNOX: It should be. You should work on that.

BEA: [SFX: pouring tea, blowing on it] No, I’m going to have a biscuit and some… [SFX: takes a sip, spits it back in] damnit, earl grey again.

LENNOX: Work on it.

BEA: Grace is pissed at you.

LENNOX: She’s always mad at me.

BEA: I’ll tell her that you’re coming in here, don’t make me do it.

LENNOX: If you do, you know as well as I do that this will only make things harder for her. Don’t you want to protect someone you love? You’re doing so well. I wouldn’t want to… bother her.

BEA: Fine! Fine. Stick around. Piss me off instead.

LENNOX: Lovely. [SFX: a teacup appears] If you don’t mind, I actually do like earl grey.

BEA: Whatever. Help yourself.

LENNOX: Thank you. Now, can I ask you a few more questions about your… abilities?

 

[SFX: transition. Walking into the cemetery]

 

GRACE_NARRATION: Bea is waiting for me. I send her a text saying I’m just picking up some dinner. This… already feels wrong. But if Hollis is right and Lennox is in fact focusing on her… if he’s in her mind then I worry about what he might find out. What he’ll see. The lie is small, for now. But somewhere, deep inside me, I know how that stain can spread, become immutable, immoveable. There is always risk. And yet, I take it. [SFX: the sound of a deep, chiming evil doorbell]

HOLLIS: [SFX: heavy metal door opens] Enter.

GRACE: [SFX: she enters and the door closes, they start walking down a stone hallway] Have you considered lighting this place in something other than candles?

HOLLIS: It’s a vibe. And I don’t want to meet anywhere else right now. [SFX: they stop in a tomb-turned office] Thanks for coming. Blood?

GRACE: No thank you. Let’s make this quick.

HOLLIS: Don’t want to catch up?

GRACE: You probably know everything you need to know already.

HOLLIS: Hm. Alright. I want to get Lennox out of here. Away from me. Out of my mind, and by extension, yours too. I know you don’t care about the company much these days, but I do. And I’m tired of his… hyperfixation on you and your girlfriend getting in the way of this place actually changing, growing. And I know you hate it for obvious reasons.

GRACE: True. But if we find a way, what’s to say he won’t immediately turn around and seek revenge?

HOLLIS: He might, but so much of his power comes from his identity, from the strength he holds in being surrounded in hundreds of bodies who can protect him from whatever’s coming at him.

GRACE: … you think you can scare him off?

HOLLIS: I know I can. Here’s my first thought: let him keep his eyes on Bea.

GRACE: What? No!

HOLLIS: Hear me out. As long as he’s got his eyes on her, it’s off you. It’s off me. And if she doesn’t know what we’re up to, he won’t catch on. Maybe he’ll poke around in her mind but… could you ever truly stop him from doing that?

GRACE: … no.

HOLLIS: Let him.

GRACE: I’m not subjecting her to that.

HOLLIS: She needs to learn!

GRACE: And how did that go for us?

HOLLIS: You know what you’re up against, don’t you?

GRACE: I’m done here.

HOLLIS: Grace… wait. Don’t… don’t make me be earnest with you.

GRACE: … Oh my god. Are you dying?

HOLLIS: I’ll be fine, the feeling will pass. It always does. I… I’m not asking you to sacrifice Bea to him-

GRACE: Sounds like you are.

HOLLIS: If she knows what’s going on, then he will too. She doesn’t know how to put her walls up. I’m sure it’ll feel bad, but the sooner he’s out the sooner you know you can go back to normal. I’m sure Bea will be fine.

GRACE: Because you care so much?

HOLLIS: No, but that’s neither here nor there.

GRACE: Why drag me out here, Hollis? Why hang out in this damned necropolis? Even you must be tired of this dank tomb.

HOLLIS: Lennox is keeping an eye on me. I can’t do much. Or go many places. And I definitely am not going to you.

GRACE: … He didn’t.

HOLLIS: He did.

GRACE: He can’t be tracking you now.

HOLLIS: You underestimate his ability to be shitty.

GRACE: You’re marked? I’m sorry, that’s-

HOLLIS: Immaterial. I don’t want to focus on it.

GRACE_NARRATION: A man with the ability to not just find his way into you but follow. He promised us that he’d never do this. It’s just one more way to be invasive. Another cruelty. Another way in which you can never escape. A cruelty even they don’t deserve. Sentimentality, leaking through old cracks repaired and then broken again with time.

GRACE: I… I’m sorry you have to deal with that. But who says I can trust you?

HOLLIS: No one. But I can’t trust you either. So it’s a stalemate. And you know what to expect from me.

GRACE: You can’t win without backup. Just me and you aren’t enough. You know that.

HOLLIS: You’re right. But… I can… amass some more bodies. I’ll just need a little time.

GRACE: [SFX: she pulls out a chair and sits down] Ok. Lay out your case.

 

[SFX: transition. Grace walks into Bea’s place]

 

GRACE: Hey.

BEA: Hey! Did you track down dinner?

GRACE: Yep. [SFX: puts some jars down on the table]

BEA: Blood! How did you know?

GRACE: Very funny. What did you get up to?

BEA: Nothing, just… read. Anything interesting during your errand-running? Anymore ghouls?

GRACE: Nope. Uneventful night. Hopefully it’s just the one out there.

BEA: Grace, can I… ask you something? A favour?

GRACE: Yeah?

BEA: I want to… see if I can resist being… compelled.

GRACE: … Why?

BEA: I’ve… Grace, I’ve been having dreams. And he’s in them. And I know this will make you panic but I don’t know what to do other than… be prepared.

GRACE_NARRATION: Hollis was right. I can’t tell her.

BEA: I mean, feels like a useful skill. And I this sneaking suspicion that we’ll be dealing with you-know-who sooner rather than later-

GRACE: I don’t want you worrying about that too much.

BEA: I know, just… I want to try. And I trust you to teach me how to push back?

GRACE: … ok. It’ll be hard.

BEA: That’s fine, I’m tough as fuck.

GRACE: Cute. Don’t get cocky. It’ll take a lot of work and a lot of effort and… it’ll be hard to master. You have to find a lot of will and be able to focus on the world outside you when someone else is trying to control your mind. And Lennox is… a lot. I don’t want you to think you could take him on.

BEA: I don’t plan to. I just want to be ready.

GRACE: Alright. We can try. But for now, I just want to relax. It’s been a long day. I want to spend my evening not thinking about it. Just you. I don’t feel like thinking about anything right now.

GRACE_NARRATION: He’s in her head. He’s watching. Back doors, gaps, spots he can weasel his way into. I don’t want to tell her what Hollis told me. I don’t want to tell her that I’ve seen Hollis, what might be coming. Maybe it’s because I want her to have some innocence in this, maybe it’s because I know he’ll find out. He’ll push and pry and find it and then… there’s no escape. No way to stop him. Maybe I want her to be safe. Or maybe… I don’t know if she’s strong enough to stop him. I don’t think I am either. I am trapped here until we start to tear down his power. Break him down piece by piece. I don’t know if we can kill him. I don’t know if I can. But we can start to reduce this world until he is small enough, weak enough to be blocked out. I want him to feel as weak as I once did. As… I still feel, sometimes. I don’t know how to include Bea in this just yet. I just want to protect her, because who knows who will survive on the other side. I hope it’s us. I hope it’s her.

 

[end]

 

Credits

Featuring the voices of:

Emily Kellogg as Grace
Alex Nursall as Bea
Ian Boddy as Rhys
Rob Deobald as Lennox
J Strautman as Hollis
Adil Lakhani as The Maestro
Dain Miller as The Book
Shaun Oldfield as The Ghoul
and featuring the voices of Keith Ohman, Cat Nakaza, and Kyle Anderson

Woodbine is an original podcast created, written, and produced by Alex Nursall and Emily
This episode was written and directed by Alex Nursall
Production and promotion by Emily Kellogg
Engineering and sound design by Ian Boddy
Theme by Phil Wright
Music by Phil Wright and Ian Boddy
Recorded at Pirate Sound
Artwork by Andy Kelly
Distributed by Realm