Woodbine

Summary

Tensions build and build and build, taut lines spanning invisibly between everyone. Do you listen to those who might know better than you? Do you think that they do? Or do you move ahead without consultation? And where do you go when you do not know what lies ahead? Bea steps into memory and back out again. The veils thin, separated only by touch, by skin, by the sheer force of will…

Content Warnings: N/A

Transcript

 

[SFX: Bea walks into Grace’s place, sniffs]

BEA_NARR: Grace’s place smells weird. Not in the usual “My god, there’s blood in the sink that someone forgot to wash down” kind of way, more like a crime has been committed. Not a serious crime, mind you. More like… littering. It smells like… feet? Like… cheese? It smells like a cheese shop. Ok, that’s…

BEA: [SFX: walking in] Whoa.

GRACE: Hey, you’re back early.

BEA: Rhys is handling the paperwork-… what are you doing?

GRACE: [SFX: slams a wheel of cheese down] Trying to figure something out.

BEA: Is it if you’re lactose intolerant or not?

GRACE: No. [SFX: carves off a chunk] No, that’s not right!

BEA: Is it a pivot to becoming a cheesemonger?

GRACE: You know, I actually considered doing that back when I was younger. Did I ever tell you that I spent my earliest years farming?

BEA: No?

GRACE: I had a favourite cow. She was a Hinterwald. [SFX: cuts into more cheese] Her name was Åsta.

BEA: Uh…

GRACE: [looks] None of this makes sense!

BEA: [SFX: comes over] Yes, I agree. What is happening?

GRACE: It’s fine, let me just clean up.

BEA: No, no more “it’s fine.” Communication is paramount at this point or else things are going to get even weirder. Please tell me why there is a wheel of parm split in half on the table. And also so much blue cheese. It smells pretty bizarre in here.

GRACE: You get used to it.

BEA: What are you doing?

GRACE: Sometimes you need to look into the future and you use the tools you are most comfortable with.

BEA: … This is probably not the first option I’d go to. Were tea leaves not available?

GRACE: No, this is tyromancy. It’s divination through cheese.

BEA: I guess I’m glad you’re not a haruspex, but… does this actually work?

GRACE: It has in the past. You just need to understand what it’s trying to tell you.

BEA: And it’s trying to tell you…

GRACE: [sigh] There is a new player in the future.

BEA: Yours, mine, Rhys’s…

GRACE: Everyone’s, by the look of it.

BEA: Alright. And is that a good thing? Or a bad thing?

GRACE: I don’t know yet.

BEA: … Did you get into this because you grew up around dairy?

GRACE: I was an early practitioner of tyromancy, thank you!

BEA: You sure you don’t want to tell me your age?

GRACE: I age like a fine cheese, growing more flavourful every day. [SFX: she crams a knife into a wheel of parm and it splits] Ah! Ok, here we go. What do you see in the parmesan?

BEA: Uh… a lot of pasta in our future.

GRACE: No, you need to look at the crystals of salt forming within, the patterns in the cheese itself caused during the split, the damage in the rind. It’s… [SFX: light bingle]

BEA_NARR: I touch her hand, reaching out to still it, and am thrown into… memories. But they are hazy and broken and jumbled, they are… for the briefest moment I can feel the sparkling gravel crunch underfoot.

I see her snap a man’s neck. Did he deserve it? And I see her dream of us. Memories and dreams, layers and layers and layers- [SFX: back to earth]

GRACE: Bea?

BEA: Sorry, just trying to get myself back under control here. These powers are… not great at discerning when I want to use them sometimes.

BEA_NARR: Grace frowns at me, a crease in her forehead as she considers asking me what I saw, and then backs down.

BEA: Are you ok?

GRACE: Yes! Something’s just bothering me and I’m-

BEA: Is this why there are so many tarot decks out?

GRACE: Maybe.

BEA: And the big pile of salt?

GRACE: I don’t think I’m meant for alomancy.

BEA: And the crystal ball as well.

GRACE: That’s just for ambiance. I wanted to set the scene.

BEA: Alright. And this is all because you’ve been having a bad feeling?

GRACE: Something is wrong.

BEA: Yes, and I mean, a lot has happened. It would make sense to feel unsafe…

GRACE: No, you don’t understand. I woke up and there was a broken mirror in the front hall. And maybe there’s nothing to worry about but there is this smell of… earth around it. Sandy, dusty. Should I be buying out the Cheese Boutique because of this? Normally I’d say no but…

BEA: Ok, but does this have to do with your time at-

GRACE: No.

BEA: Ok. So… cheese.

GRACE: It works! [SFX: slams a knife through a brick of cheddar] You wouldn’t believe the things a chunk of cheddar has taught me.

BEA: What about the Kraft singles?

GRACE: Y’know, modern tools do not work as well, it turns out.

BEA: I need you to stop hacking into the old cheddar and start telling me exactly what you are feeling, because I need to know what’s going on so we can deal with it. Or, at the very least, consider what we’re going to do with all this cheese.

GRACE: It’s…  hard to explain.

BEA: I know. Just try. That’s all I’m asking.

BEA_NARR: There are piles of romano on the table, there is a brick of gouda in the fridge, there are bleu crumbles all over, this place smells like a foot. And there is Grace, covered in shavings, holding a knife with an elaborately carved handle that’s worn by her hands. How long has she carried that thing? There was once a face carved into it, now worn smooth with time.

And what she is seeing over and over again is that something is coming, something is wrong, and something is coming. Something big but… what does that word mean? She doesn’t know how literal it could be. Just that change is coming, it’s all pointing to change. Someone new will be causing a big change in her life, in mine, in… who else’s? I don’t know.

I’m not sure if I trust the cheese. … I can’t believe that’s a statement that I just said seriously but… how do you believe this? But Grace seems to have some sort of lactose-based insight that I don’t. And I trust her. So… we’re having carbonara tonight. Did you know that blood works in cooking the same way an egg does? Protein and binders. Things that make other things join together. I have learned to cook in new ways, because while I don’t need food in the same way that I used to, I still enjoy it. Pleasure where I can find it. Joy where I can devour it. And I will make pasta and she will stare at the remnants of the wheel of parmesan on the table, begging it for answers.

 

[SFX: transition. Lennox’s reading room. He’s sitting and reading, you hear a page turn, a clock ticking. Then the sound of glass beginning to crack]

 

LENNOX_NARR: I have been reading. I am a collector, a collector of many things, and one thing I have amassed over the years is books. I try to keep my selection varied in type and tone, in genre and in style. I would never want to be seen as someone who is inflexible. Over the last few years, though, I seemed to have found delight within a few niches: Classical fantasy novels, non-fiction texts on music history, and what the youth are calling romantasy. I do not like the name, but I enjoy a little… schlock. A little schmaltz. A little smut, if I can be so crude.

I have been catching up on reading. And I am bored.

Walking in dreams is a hobby I have indulged in much over the years. Yes, sometimes it is for work, but most of the time it is for me. And sometimes I will take a little walk to calm my mind, as it were. But there is something new that tickles me so, something… delightful. Another figure in the swirling mist that clings to the edges of dreams and memories: Bea, confused, a lost fledgling too far from the nest. Did I not tell her that these things require control? Did I not mention that these slivers of my powers that are awakening within her will require time and effort to refine? Silly me. What an oversight. A little bird flying in through windows where she should not be, and yet…

Sweet Bea. Dreams are meant to be unseen. I would know. [SFX: you hear a page turn, a clock ticking. Then the sound of glass beginning to crack] 

LENNOX: Hm? Oh.

LENNOX_NARR: The glass on a painting above the door has cracked. It slowly spiderwebs its way outwards, thin lines obscuring the picture. It is old, as old as something could be in this place. It is the first thing I ever truly owned. Rolled up, preserved, carried across countries and hidden away in trunks, an oil painting of hands, reaching out towards the other side of the image. Of course, I had technically owned things before this – clothes, shoes, trinkets – but this was the first thing that I had that carried value. Not just monetarily, but in something… more intangible. It was not a practical item, it was just for me. A commission. The hands of… my mother, or maybe my  sister. Someone lost, lost to time and entropy and now nothing more than dust in my memory, a shattered urn spilling onto the floor, contents I could never sweep up. Dust in the wind. The glass cracks across it. Somewhere in my mind, this is… an issue with the frame, the weather, shoddy glass, but… [SFX: the cracking glass sound and the sound of thin, fine sand being poured very quietly] [deep breath] Ah, you don’t make it this far without occasionally listening to the voice that lives even deeper within you.

Something feels wrong. [SFX: he walks over and picks a book off the shelf and opens it up]

LENNOX: There once was a time where you were gifted books on all kinds of arcane knowledge. Now look at you. Old, and alone. Perhaps it really is time for a hobby.

LENNOX_NARR: In a book on divination that I was given many, many years ago, there are a series of chapters on signs, warnings, cautions. Things to look out for when you see them, shapes in the shadows, smears on pottery, broken glass where there should be no cracks.

The pages are thick and old, the ink soaked deeply into the fibres, but still there, clear as the day it was written: broken glass spreads out across valuables, a warning of ill omen. Unwanted guests will be there soon. [SFX: he closes the book]

It has been a long time since I have had to think about others. I don’t entertain much. [small laugh] But the world splinters around me and only now do I notice.

[SFX: a piece of glass falls to the ground] I know I will get the frame repaired. It is… too important a piece to me. It is probably just a change in pressure, a defect, an issue I need not worry about. But I worry. So much has changed. And… something comes this way. I know it in my bones.

 

[SFX: transition. A gong in a stone room]

 

WIL: Brothers, sisters, those who are neither – [aside] we are trying out some new inclusive language after some complaints – I come to you with a proposition. We are floundering! Leadership, beset by old sympathies that spread through them like wet rot in wood. This can no longer stand!

VAMPIRES: [general grumbling and hissing]

WIL: So I say to all those gathered here that we do not look forward, but that we look back, back to a time when vampires were an apex predator, or at the very least a type of nobility that was to be feared.

VAMPIRES: [SFX: hammering on the wooden tables in agreement]

WIL: There is an option that lies in the deep dark of this place. We can ask for guidance from the oldest ones, those who lie in the deep dark.

VAMPIRE: [from somewhere in the back] Impossible! They are resting eternal! Nothing can wake them!

WIL: Ah, but I have… acquired some things to help speed up the waking. A few important items. What is a return to life without the feathers of a phoenix? A new vampire bled for the old? The sand from a desert unseen for many years? A mirror made of silver and mercury that shows us nothing but empty air?

SILAS: Where did you get the sand?

WIL: Another canopic jar nearby, don’t worry. Friends! Enemies! Lovers! And those who are all three. Please, give me your trust. We will soon have all our problems solved! That, I can promise you.

 

[SFX: transition. Rhys is in the office. There’s a creak]

 

RHYS: Sorry, we’re closed! [SFX: creak] Hello? [SFX: gets up and walks over] 

RHYS_NARR: I’m not scared to be here alone. Frankly, I don’t think I’ve been scared much since I was turned. There’s a certain amount of… comfort? In releasing that part of your humanity. Being human feels… I dunno, fragile. And it’s not that nothing can kill me, it’s that I just feel like I can escape easier. I can fight. I can turn into a lot of bats and run. But still, there’s an animalistic part of my brain that kicks in when something feels off. And it feels off. Real off.

RHYS: If you’re here to kill Bea again, she’s not in. [SFX: a door in the distance slams] [sniffs] Smells like wet dog in here. [pause] Oh no. [SFX: runs up to the front door] … huh.

RHYS_NARR: There’s a feather on the ground. [SFX: he picks it up and it bursts quickly into flames and goes out, turning to ash] Gah! … Phoenix feather. Great. [SFX: a glass cracking noise]

RHYS: [SFX: walking over] Death and rebirth and a broken mirror. Is it seven years of bad luck if I didn’t do it? … shit.

RHYS_NARR: There is a broken mirror on the wall, although no one was around it. I like to think it was the heat from the fire. But Grace is being weird and Lennox is being weird and it’s putting both me and Bea on edge. Something’s wrong… and I have a mess to clean up.

 

[SFX: transition. Lennox’s place. The basement. He’s scrubbing the floor in the room where Bea was]

 

LENNOX: Never going to get these damned blood stains out… [SFX: scrubbing] Next time I’m putting down a sheet…

LENNOX_NARR: I have been having dreams again. That’s not normal. I walk in dreams. I live in the dreams of others. I don’t have my own, not for many years. But lately, I dream. It is disquieting. In them, I am where I started, a small house that I watched burn the day I was turned. It has been so long that I had thought I’d forgotten everything about it, but… I still remember the heat. I still remember what it smelled like, the foliage around it catching and sending tiny sparks into the air, dotting me with small burns leaving dark patches like freckles on my skin. I was a younger man then in one sense of the word. I didn’t look back.

Yesterday, in the dream, Grace’s old pet Vivian was there. She was not there at the time, she never could have been, but there she was, beside me as the house burned, walking into the fire silently, staring at me the whole time.

Perhaps she is a ghost. Or a punishment for my past deeds. I thought I was past that feeling but… a new life can always make you feel new things. [chuckles] Is this how grandparents feel? A new life in front of you and suddenly you are filled with all the fears you once felt when you were young and trusted with one of your own?

LENNOX: [SFX: scrubbing. Sighs, stops, gets up] How hard is it to break into that damn lower level? I need to take another look at that map…

LENNOX_NARR: Lost but still tied to a place. Part of me, still within Emiel. I could leave, but I can’t. Not yet.

 

[SFX: transition. Office]

 

BEA: Unauthorized pruning?

WITCH: Yes! Our rowan, our ash, the oldest elder we have, chunks of hawthorne, oak leaves, the place was ravaged.

RHYS: Do you have security cameras?

WITCH: Yes, but they smashed it.

RHYS: With a weapon?

WITCH: Maybe? But there were marks like it was done with claws.

BEA: Huh. Anything else taken?

WITCH: No, just random destruction. The whole coven is incredibly unhappy about this, this space is sacred to us. Also, insurance is brutal.

RHYS: Do you… know of any uses for the stuff that was taken?

WITCH: I mean, they’re spellcasting components, but everything there is. Generations of witches and the magick-adjascent have taken care of it.

RHYS: Yeah, but like, does that combo do anything?

BEA: Healing, love spell, rebirth or creation…?

WITCH: Lots of those can be used for any of those. But rebirth? That’s way too powerful and dangerous. You don’t fuck around with that stuff. Only an adept would even try and we know all the witch adepts in Toronto.

BEA: What about other beings?

WITCH: I mean, you’re vampires, there’s probably a few kicking around in the older generations who might understand this stuff.

RHYS: Yeah… we’ll… ask around.

BEA: Do you think it was a person who did it?

WITCH: I’m honestly not sure. The whole greenhouse smelled like wet dog afterwards so it could’ve been a werewolf.

BEA: … Please let us know if you do see anything else. I’m going to need you to list, in detail, everything that’s missing, please.

 

[SFX: transition. Grace’s place. Bea walks in as an egg breaks]

 

BEA: Oh, what the hell now?

GRACE: It’s fine!

BEA: No one with this many eggs just out on the counter can say it’s fine! I feel like I’m trapped in an increasingly deranged brunch spot.

GRACE: I just need answers!

BEA: So you’re dumping egg whites into boiling water?

GRACE: To see how it cooks!

BEA: Ok, Grace, stop. Stop! Please. I am… starting to get worried, all of this is worrying.

GRACE: Bea-

BEA: What is going on? You’ve been… very focused on what is apparently to come.

GRACE: I don’t know. I have this terrible feeling and I can’t move past it. The last time I felt this way was… with Vivian. Right after she’d been turned.

BEA: Ok.

GRACE: Things had been feeling… off, bad, I had this continued sensation of dread. And then… Lennox got his hands on her, and everything changed.

BEA: I just really want to kill him.

GRACE: A shared sentiment. But I don’t… think it’s Lennox this time. I mean, I’m sure he’s doing something terrible wherever he is, but things feel wrong. And I need to understand.

BEA: Hollis? Ghouls? The board?

GRACE: I…

BEA: Please, please, not talking is what got us… here in the first place, so…

GRACE: I know, Bea.

BEA: What have you been seeing or dreaming or reading?

GRACE: The phoenix feathers are for some sort of spell of rebirth. We’ve already got ghouls, but that’s… untethered magic. Something raw and brutal. Anything relating to a phoenix is powerful in a way that frightens me. And I want to know what’s going to happen.

BEA: And the rowan, the elder-

GRACE: Yeah, those are obvious choices if someone was trying to pull off some sort of reawakening! It’s so obvious that it feels like we’re being given a red herring, which is also a spell component I half expect to be hearing about!

BEA: Ok, but… we already got ghouls, so what else could someone be trying to awaken?

GRACE: I guess something old, that’s all I can think of. Something ancient.

BEA: Older than Lennox?

GRACE: I don’t know. Maybe?

BEA: Do you want me to… try to talk to him, see if he knows anything?

GRACE: No. I don’t want you around him.

BEA: I don’t want you around him either.

GRACE: What’s Rhys up to?

BEA: I’m pretty sure he’s off not getting killed by Lennox?

GRACE: What about safety in numbers?

BEA: [sigh] It’s a phrase I’ve heard before.

GRACE: Do you even know where he is now?

BEA: He’s at his posh little penthouse still, I’d assume.

GRACE: Ah, I could have guessed. He never had me there and I doubt he ever allowed Hollis there either.

BEA: Yeah. Uh… I’ve actually been there at one point so if we wanted to go there, then-

GRACE: Oh, ok. And why would that be?

BEA: Because I needed help getting you out and I had very few options.

GRACE: And so you willingly went somewhere alone with him again and then again. And you did that despite what he put you through, despite what I told you, despite what I asked you, despite… everything?

BEA: I did what I had to do. There weren’t a lot of options. I think you, of all people, should understand what we’re up against.

GRACE: [deflating] He’s interested in you.

BEA: I know, and in my latent abilities to wander around in violent memories.

GRACE: And have you stopped letting him into your head?

BEA: He… hasn’t been in there as of late.

BEA_NARR: And the truth is that he hasn’t, not that I’ve really noticed. It’s been a while since he’s been around, which is… hm. The thing I’m scared to admit is that the little bit that I’ve learned, those tiny cracks in memory that I’m already able to enter, knowing that I can exploit that in dreams? I mean… I don’t want to exploit it, but that is the thing that’s been sneaking into my head at night.

 

[SFX: transition. Big dramatic stone meeting room]

 

BOB: This is a terrible idea.

WIL: You are letting your disconnection from our society cloud your judgement, Vlad.

BOB: Oh my-… my disconnection? You are nothing without me.

WIL: We’d be able to be a lot more secretive without you, I’ll say that.

SILAS: We brought you here for guidance.

BOB: Yes, and here it is: Do not do what you are thinking.

BALTHAZAR: You’re such a stick in the mud! Live a little!

BOB: What you want to do is beyond foolish, it’s also incredibly, endlessly destructive.

WIL: We have access to-

BOB: You have access to nothing that you can control.

WIL: It’s only for a short while.

BOB: That’s not how these things work!

WIL: Do you think you’re some sort of expert?

BOB: No. But I know someone who might be.

BALTHAZAR: Oh, here we go. I thought you two had a falling out?

BOB: After 90 years, you start to think, what if we were a little hasty in our reactions?

ORLOK: [SFX: poof] Hello everyone.

BOB: Do you need me to catch you up?

ORLOK: No need, I was listening to the Zoom call. Wil, good to see you again.

WIL: Likewise.

ORLOK: But I’m siding with Bob here. Stop this.

WIL: What are we supposed to do, just keep working from the minute stock we got from this… one vampire to keep our numbers up?

ORLOK: Sure! Why not! I don’t see the issue, to be completely honest.

SILAS: We will become extinct, Orlok.

ORLOK: And you’re sure about that?

SILAS: We have been doing the research into this while you and Bob play golf!

WIL: This is blasphemy.

ORLOK: And where has that “research” got you? You act as if the world should be cowering before us. Wilhelmina, you run a shipping company. We’re not gods.

BOB: He’s right, you know.

SILAS: You are both completely out of order!

BOB: Quiet. Please, let me speak. I know what Orlok is saying is… antithetical to so much about our world. The knowledge we are now entering into… newfound territory.

SILAS: A march to our deaths.

WIL: You cannot be serious, Bob.

BOB: Believe me, there were many nights where the two of us talked long into the tempting fingers of the morning sun, unable to reach an agreement. I will admit, there is still a part of me that thinks that we should fight, fight for us to grow and become even more powerful. But… ah, maybe it is age. Maybe it is a changing world I do not understand, or just do not care about in the ways that I used to. Maybe it is because we live in a time where we cannot preside over serfs and rule our land with a closed fist, opened only when we decided that those below us deserved it. Maybe… we just have to wait and see.

ORLOK: There is nothing out there that says we will never recover. I think patience is more important than opening this can of worms.

WIL: Awakening the Elder is-

ORLOK: Absolutely one of the worst, most bullheaded ideas you could have-

WIL: They can create new vampires. Give us the ability to.

BOB: Wil, just… be patient. I’m sure something less drastic will come up. I know things were… complicated with Grace, but I can speak with her. She’s entertained my concerns in the past.

WIL: The only thing we got from Grace was a mediocre PR campaign and a slew of subpar vampires with disturbingly weak powers. We have been searching for years, Bob. Nothing has worked. With our luck, it will turn out that the thing that allows us to create new vampires is the power… of love.

ORLOK: To be fair, that might be worth looking at.

WIL: Oh you cannot be serious.

ORLOK: No one knows what’s happening. No one knows what’s in the water or in our blood or in the… ineffable magic that runs through us all. For all we know, the problem is microplastics, or leaded gas, or… I don’t know, too much smartphone usage.

WIL: I refuse to believe that you would give up this easily.

BOB: No one’s giving up. We are just asking for restraint.

SILAS: We’ve had enough restraint. I want answers. I want solutions.

WIL: Bob, Orlok, we thank you for your insight, and I’m sure we will have much to discuss moving forward, but I think the time for patience is over. Thank you both for coming tonight, would you leave us please? I’d like to convene with the board while things are still… fresh.

BOB: Gladly. [quietly, to Wil] Wil, do not do this.

WIL: I don’t know what other choice we have.

BOB: You’ve already lost so much faith.

WIL: Hollis was never meant to be a saviour, to be fair. They were meant to be an excuse.

BOB: [taken aback] Wil, what do you mean by that-

WIL: Thank you for coming, both of you. We’ll be in touch.

ORLOK: Bob, let’s go.

BOB: … [a pause and a sigh] Alright. I think that might be for the best. [SFX: they walk out, a big heavy ornate door closes dramatically. They start walking away down the fancy marble hallway] 

ORLOK: How long do you think we have?

BOB: A few days maybe, enough to get away from here.

ORLOK: When was the last time you saw the Elder?

BOB: Oh, not since I lost my milk fangs. They have been sleeping. Which is how they should remain.

ORLOK: I never met them; I’ve only heard stories.

BOB: They wouldn’t like to hear that, that I do know. Pride, ah, pride is always the thing that will destroy you. [sigh] The others are… fixated. They want solutions. But nothing is free, nothing is easy or simple. Lennox was… not enough. … Have you ever wanted something badly, Orlok?

ORLOK: Yes, once. It didn’t end well.

BOB: Right.

ORLOK: But that was quite a different situation.

BOB: It’s true. And who am I to judge? Nonetheless, if this does not work the way they hope it will, we are in for much more than lost patience.

ORLOK: I should make a few calls, tell a few friends to maybe leave the city for a bit.

BOB: Do people still accept crows these days? There are times when I still long for the way things once were.

ORLOK: I couldn’t tell you if they do, Bob. But I know how you feel.

 

[SFX: transition. Lennox’s condo. The elevator opens and only Bea steps out]

 

BEA: Lennox.

LENNOX: You’re back. I wasn’t expecting that.

BEA: Can you invite them in?

LENNOX: [SFX: sitting up] … Grace.

GRACE: In the flesh.

LENNOX: I had heard you made it out. I’m glad.

GRACE: [scoff] As did you. [sarcastic] Oh but your exit was a bit… forced, wasn’t it.

LENNOX: If you came here to fight…

GRACE: Nice place. Did you get tired of your pied-à-terre in Rosedale?

RHYS: How many houses do you own and can I have one?

LENNOX: No.

BEA: Please, just… don’t make them stand in the elevator this whole time.

LENNOX: [long pause] Fine. Come in. Even Rhys. [SFX: Grace storms over and turns the TV off] Hey, I was watching that!

GRACE: You need to tell me what’s going on. … Lennox, are you even listening? No, no this whole listless depressed thing doesn’t work for me. Get up! Up, up off this damn couch!

BEA: Why are you still moping? Is Hollis that much of a threat?

LENNOX: It’s not Hollis I’m concerned about!

GRACE: Then what IS it? Or did you come into my dream with the sole purpose of spewing bullshit?

LENNOX: I wasn’t there by choice!

GRACE: You can’t expect me to believe that.

LENNOX: No! But it’s true. Something is wrong.

BEA: What are you talking about?

LENNOX: I don’t know! But there is something gnawing at the back of my mind like-

RHYS: A ghoul?

LENNOX: Sure, if that’s the imagery that pleases you.

GRACE: Lennox, you have to know.

LENNOX: You only want me around when I have answers, what will you do if I don’t?

RHYS_NARR: A muscle in Grace’s neck tenses like the cables on a suspension bridge. She doesn’t want to be here. I mean, I don’t either, but she doesn’t want to be here in a way that a lit stick of dynamite doesn’t want to stay in a small box.

GRACE: Would you like to find out? [SFX: storms into kitchen, storms back out with a knife] 

RHYS: What is she talking about ooooh boy that’s a big knife-

LENNOX: You know this is pointless!

GRACE: [SFX: she stabs the hell out of him] I don’t care… I… [breath to stab] have been wanting [breath to stab] to do this for a long, fucking while!

BEA: Jesus Christ, GRACE! [SFX: Lennox crumples to the ground] Ooooh this is going to be such a mess.

RHYS: … Do you feel better?

GRACE: I do. I like to think of it as somatic therapy.

BEA: Uhhh I guess that’s one way of describe that because you stabbed him in the heart. With… is that a silver knife?

RHYS: Looks like it. But… he’s real dead.

GRACE: Doesn’t it make for such a pretty picture? I should take a picture, actually. [SFX: takes a phone photo] 

BEA: Grace, I’m a little worried right now…

GRACE: [laughs, a little deranged] Relax. [SFX: nudges him with her foot] Get up! Get UP!

LENNOX: [SFX: after a moment he stirs] It gets funnier every time. [SFX: clonk] Ow!

RHYS: Stay down, zombie!

BEA: Are you shitting me?

GRACE: Yeah, so unfortunately death doesn’t… stick to him. Believe me, I’ve tried everything.

LENNOX: Well, thank you for at least doing this somewhere where I have a change of clothes!

BEA: How are you fine?

LENNOX: I’m not fine, I will still have to heal! It’s very inconvenient and incredibly, unbelievably rude!

RHYS: Are you healing really fast or do you just not feel it?

LENNOX: Oh, Rhys, I feel so many things right now. 

GRACE: Hollis and I tried so many things, we tried stakes, silver, a big gun. Not even once.

LENNOX: You did make me incredibly sick back in 1994.

GRACE: And I took much pleasure in that.

BEA: What’s your deal?

LENNOX: I’m different. And special. Maybe one of the gods likes me.

BEA: No, that’s not it.

LENNOX: I am allowed to have my secrets.

BEA: Ok, I guess then keep your secrets.

LENNOX: Grace, do you want to replace my couch outright or shall we discuss a payment plan?

GRACE: I did you a favour, that thing is hideous. [SFX: sits down heavily] And really uncomfortable.

LENNOX: It was a gift!

BEA: Lennox, you say something’s wrong and I know a lot is going on right now, but we know that things are going missing, and we want to talk because of anyone, you might know something.

RHYS: You’re not behind the phoenix theft or-

LENNOX: No. Or the hewing of that ash tree, or the missing rowan in the witches’ botanical garden.

GRACE: Then how do you know about those?

LENNOX: Word gets around! I listen! You forget how tiny Toronto can be! And I don’t know who is doing it, but what is being taken is dangerous. Life magic. Rebirth. And there are things that should stay dead. Things that still exist in one way or another and should stay silent.

GRACE: Don’t I know it.

LENNOX: Yes, I am quite aware of your opinion on this matter.

BEA: Oh my god, focus, both of you! Lennox, what things?

LENNOX: To bring something back, you need to still have a part of it. You can’t bring back someone who doesn’t exist anymore, that’s just… not how physics work. Even magic can’t negate that. But there are things, there are beings who sleep, who rest and wait and can be called back. Elders, ancients, things that can’t be reasoned with or dealt with.

GRACE: That’s highly improbable.

LENNOX: Elder vampires who sleep, Grace. They are not all gone, some of them are only resting. And you can’t turn on an alarm and kick them out of bed, the ways to wake them are dangerous, complicated, deadly if you don’t know what you’re doing, and most people do not know what they are doing! I’ll… admit that I would. But it’s not me. Believe me, there’s no one I want to wake up. But someone is looking to bring them back. Fuck, maybe it’s Hollis, although… that doesn’t sound like them.

RHYS: Uh, guys, how much worse is a really old vampire?

LENNOX: They’re not like us. They live in a different world, they live by very different codes.

GRACE: The Elders are stirring…

LENNOX: I don’t know. Perhaps. I haven’t felt this way though in a very long time, not since… not since I was a young man. [SFX: walking over, speaking softly] Grace, if there is something coming, then you must run. That’s the only advice I can give you. Run.

 

[SFX: transition. Vampire bar]

 

BEA: Do you want to go somewhere quieter? Maybe chat, have a cocktail?

GRACE: No. I like it here.

BEA: I don’t know if this is the best idea right now.

GRACE: Why not? I want to feel something.

BEA: And this will do that for you?

BEA_NARR: We are at a vampire club, this time one close to the lake, around the corner from History. If I walk outside, I can listen to the water somewhere in the darkness just south of me. But Grace has no interest in going for a peaceful midnight walk. She hungers, is hungry in a way that I find… a hair unnerving. Let’s just say I’ve been doing a lot of stretching lately. She fed on me a little last night though and, while quite hot, there was a moment where it felt like she could just… keep going. She didn’t, but…

GRACE: I’m going to go get us a little someone.

BEA: Oh, I’m fine.

GRACE: Oh. Do you mind? I’m a little peckish. [SFX: nuzzles in] And I can’t drain you entirely, what fun would that be?

BEA: Ok, pick someone cute. But not too cute! [SFX: Grace giggles]

GRACE: Amirah? I’d like to request someone. Is Amanda around?

BEA_NARR: After a few minutes, a woman joins us. She’s beautiful, with a strong nose and voluptuous thighs. She gives me a little wink as Grace tilts her face towards hers, her eyes lulling her into a feeling of ease. Once she’s settled, I watch as she gently moves her hair aside as her fangs pierce her skin. Grace’s eyes are wild, even if just for a split second. As she bites the woman’s neck, it’s… animalistic. Her hands tighten on her wrist and knee, not pinning her but definitely tensing, like an animal making sure its prey cannot leave. The woman’s eyes roll back from the pleasure and she lets out a soft moan. She’s definitely enjoying it, but Grace is… drinking like she hasn’t tasted blood in years.

BEA: Grace, babe, you’ve got to slow down.

GRACE: It’s fine, live a little.

BEA: She won’t if you keep up like this. [softly] My dear, please.

GRACE: [realizes] I… [sigh] Oh, ok. [SFX: pats the woman] Thank you, Amanda.

AMANDA: [hazy] Pleasure was all mine. You guys are so nice! [SFX: she leaves, stumbles]

GRACE: I would’ve stopped on my own.

BEA: I don’t know about that.

GRACE: I… sure.

BEA: What’s going on?

GRACE: I’m a little stressed.

BEA: I think it’s more than that, Grace.

GRACE: Can we please just have a nice night?

BEA: You’re… starting to scare me, Grace. Just a little bit. I think whatever you’re feeling is something you need to deal with. Or at least, talk to me about.

GRACE: And I will. I promise. I don’t ever want to scare you. Unless you want me to?

BEA: What do you need right now?

GRACE: [SFX: moving in close] Just you… [SFX: bingly bingly]

BEA_NARR: And she touches me and suddenly I’m in that white room, that sterile room at Emiel with her and there is blood on the floor and I fall into it, I hit the ground and before I can do anything else, the person standing over her turns to me, he turns and he looks confused and I am terrified and angry and the edges of the memory blur into her dreams that I have seen and I can feel that same glittering gravel under my feet…

The vision snaps through so many other sights, Grace biting a woman and turning her, Grace killing another, Grace killing a man who begs for mercy, she looks tired and bored and exhausted through everything.

I could travel in further and get answers. I could- [SFX: snaps out of it]

GRACE: Bea? Are you ok?

BEA: I…

BEA_NARR: I am gripping her arm so tightly. She looks pale.

BEA: I’m sorry. I… had a bit of a vision.

GRACE: Of what?

BEA: I… uh… of you.

GRACE: Of what?

BEA_NARR: She looks nervous. I don’t know who’s sweating more. I kind of wish she’d just bite me and cut the tension.

BEA: I saw the room at Emiel.

GRACE: Ah.

BEA: Grace, I’m sorry, I didn’t meant to but-…

GRACE: This isn’t the time or the place. … Bea.

BEA: It’s ok, I’m fine.

GRACE: Ok. Did… what you see ruin our nice night?

BEA: No, no not at all.

GRACE: You’re sure?

BEA: Kiss me.

BEA_NARR: She moves in close and I can feel her breath, hot on my neck. There is the sharp nip of teeth on my skin and the warmth of blood that drips towards my collarbone that she laps at before it can stain the edge of my shirt. It feels wonderful, but I keep my hands at my side, gripping the couch cushion. I saw a lot but I can’t go back just yet. But I want to see more. I just have to figure out how.

 

[SFX: transition. A dream]

 

BEA: Who said you could come in here?

LENNOX: I did. And you let me in again. So you did as well.

BEA: I feel like you don’t ask before showing up very often anyways.

LENNOX: It’s a neat trick as a vampire to be able to enter without permission. Now, would you like to do some more training? I’m feeling limber.

BEA: Just send me what you’re thinking in an email.

LENNOX: Oh, that’s not going to work. [close] You are currently wrapped around Grace in bed, are you not? Physical touch makes it so much easier to slip inside and look around. And you’ve been slipping, no?

BEA_NARR: He stares at me for a moment, and then… smiles, softly, like a fire you can see through the crack under your door. He takes my hand so, so gently, then turns it over and looks at it in the haze of the dream as it starts to melt and fizz around us.

LENNOX: [forceful] You have to want what you are looking for. If you want to move from dreams to memories, you have to learn to step sideways.

BEA: Then show me how. Is being this obtuse your fetish or something?

LENNOX: [shrug] Eh. Listen to me, sweet Bea. You are on the edge of memory, in something ephemeral, something not real.

BEA: I’ve been into your memory before.

LENNOX: Find another.

BEA_NARR: Gossamer threads wrap around me and I am bound in a thin iridescence that binds to my arm. It is trying to pull me in one direction, out and away.

LENNOX: Your own mind will hold you in place. Or in this case, mine. Duress is a good motivator. Figure out where you want to go and pull. 

BEA: I just need you to stop toying with me.

LENNOX: Personally, I think you’re kind of into it. You keep letting me in. You want to poke around in people’s minds. You think you’ll be welcome?

BEA: Might be useful for work.

LENNOX: And where do you want to go now? Try and find something.

BEA_NARR: I want out and away from him and I think about escape and… [SFX: it changes suddenly] Grace is in front of me. Grace, I wanted to be safe so I thought of her. But-

LENNOX_NARR: You’re in her memories, Bea.

BEA_NARR: I am and… I shouldn’t be here-

LENNOX_NARR: And yet you are…

BEA_NARR: Her head is lolling and there is a person there taking her blood through a thin tube. They are in the same white room I saw before but there is a smear of blood on the floor. She bleeds, her hair is still freshly cut, it’s when she first went in- Is this what they did to her?

LENNOX_NARR: She hasn’t told you.

BEA_NARR: No.

LENNOX_NARR: You could go further in, see more, learn-

BEA_NARR: No, no-

BEA: [SFX: wakes up with a start, the phone is ringing, birds are chirping outside. She catches her breath and answers the phone] What?

LENNOX: [phone] How are you?

BEA: Hungry.

LENNOX: [phone] It is exhausting.

BEA: Don’t do that again.

LENNOX: [phone] You could do so much. Be careful with what you tell Grace. She’s very… sensitive. [SFX: she hangs up on him, sighs, rests back in bed]]

BEA_NARR: I stepped into Grace’s head and saw things she hasn’t told me yet. Someday she will and I will act surprised but for now… I didn’t want to leave. Because I just wanted to know. Something is wrong. And I’m very afraid to find out exactly what that means.

 

[SFX: transition. Writing on heavy paper with a quill]

 

WIL: These requisition forms, I swear to the ashes of Moloch they are unending.

SILAS: This was your idea. There’s rules for a reason.

WIL: Yes! To annoy anyone who wants to actually do something useful! Chases off anyone too stupid and lazy-

SILAS: Just finish the paperwork.

WIL: I can’t believe you’re not coming back for this.

SILAS: Spain is wonderful this time of year.

WIL: This is about the fate of our race!

SILAS: And I bought these tickets months ago, before any of this williwaw and bobbery began. Nonetheless, they will still be there when I get back if you want to wait.

WIL: I do not. Lennox was useless. Hollis was useless. And now we’re here. And I’m tired of waiting.

SILAS: I will regret missing the fireworks.

WIL: You will. And fireworks there will be. [SFX: writing] Properly acquisitioned fireworks…

Credits

Featuring the voices of:

Alex Nursall as Bea
Emily Kellogg as Grace
Ian Boddy as Rhys
J Strautman as Hollis
Rob Deobald as Lennox
Kat Letwin as Wilhelmina
Vanya Drakul as Bob
Tom Eymundson as Orlok
Michael Hogan as Silas
Amy Bowman as the Witch
and Zeke Amos as Balthazar

Woodbine is an original podcast created, written, and produced by Alex Nursall and Emily Kellogg
Showrunning and direction by Alex Nursall
Production and promotion by Emily Kellogg
Engineering and sound design by Ian Boddy
Theme by Phil Wright
Music by Phil Wright and Ian Boddy
Recorded at Pirate Sound
Artwork by Andy Kelly
Distributed by Realm