Woodbine

Summary

There’s getting under someone’s skin and then there’s taking it. Grace and Bea are tasked with finding the missing skin of a client who just wants to be whole again… in more ways than one. Turns out the issues run a lot deeper than a simple lost layer and are complicated in ways neither of them expected. Hope you came prepared to yearn, because everyone else here is. Minus Rhys, I guess. He’s just vibing.

Content Warnings: N/A

Transcript

[SFX: They’re in the office]

BEA_NARRATION: The woman sitting in front of me is beautiful. I don’t know how else to describe her. It feels reductive but I’ve only known her for maybe 15 minutes, so I can’t say that I’ve had much of a chance to ask her about her hobbies or her family or what sports she’s into. Hockey, I hope. But she’s radiant. And she’s sad. And she’s a client who is here because her ex sucks and has stolen something from her, which isn’t exactly a rare issue. What is rare is what is missing and that thing is… her skin. 

I mean, her skin appears to still be on her body. No matter how weird the last few weeks have been, I’d still freak out if someone who was completely flayed showed up on my doorstep. The thing here is that she’s missing her other skin. The woman, apparently, is a selkie, a being that can shapeshift between seal and human forms. Unless they’re missing their skin, their seal skin, which her ex apparently took. And… now she can’t change. I’ve heard of exes pulling some very weird moves but this is definitely up there on the list of real dick moves.

She’s glowing, though. And I’m suddenly very aware of how large all of my pores are.

GRACE: Bea?

BEA: Hm?

GRACE: Any questions for Phoebe?

BEA: Oh, uh, yeah. So after you two broke up, Amelia took the skin and hasn’t returned any of your calls? 

PHOEBE: No. We… We had a falling out. Things had been rocky between us for a while but this… I… I just didn’t think she’d do something so cruel. It’s… not like her. 

BEA: Are there any sort of… repercussions for you if the skin isn’t returned in time?

PHOEBE: Like I said, I can’t transform back to myself. I’m trapped in this… form, this body. I mean, look at me!

BEA_NARRATION: I understand the issue at hand and yet she looks like a well-muscled elf queen who could crush me upon request. Fully willingly, mind you.

GRACE: Any idea where she may have taken it?

PHOEBE: I thought she hid it in her apartment, but… I may have gone there one day when she wasn’t around. I went to return my key and some of her stuff and she was out and I just… let myself in. I may have dug around a bit. But… I didn’t find anything. 

GRACE: Anywhere else it might be?
PHOEBE: I don’t know. I’ve been calling but she hasn’t been answering, she’s not responding to my texts. Fuck, I just… I just want to be back in the water. Plus, I have this amazing trip to Portugal booked, and I swear if I’m stuck only wading around on the beach I’m going to absolutely flip out. 

BEA: When’s the trip?

PHOEBE: Three weeks from now.

BEA: Alright, we’ll see what we can do.

PHOEBE: If she’s not at home, she’s probably out on the island. We used to spend a lot of time out there. 

BEA: On Hanlan’s?

PHOEBE: Wherever was quiet. Usually around Gibraltar Point. 

GRACE: We’ll look into it. In the meantime, don’t hesitate to be in touch if you think of anything else that might be relevant. 

PHOEBE: Thank you so much. 

GRACE: Can I walk you to the door? [SFX: they get up and head to the door] Have to admit, haven’t met a lot of selkies around here. But apparently she’s originally from Vancouver Island, so that would make more sense. 

BEA: Yeah, I wouldn’t describe this city as beachy. Well, maybe the Beaches neighbourhood. 

GRACE: The Beach. 

BEA: What? 

GRACE: It’s called The Beach neighbourhood. Singular. A lot of people get it wrong. 

BEA: No one’s calling it that.

GRACE: Well that’s what’s on the signs. Apparently the girlfriend lives out by the Junction. We can head over there tomorrow and ask a few questions. 

BEA: Sounds like a new level of dysfunction. I’ve had my friends have their exes take their stuff before, but never their largest organ. Or their back-up one. Wait, which form is the true form? 

GRACE: Let’s not get caught up on the poetics of identity. I’ve dealt with a lot of jilted partner cases and they can surprise you.

BEA: Speaking of, did you ever hear back from The Maestro? 

GRACE: No. I’m… working on it. 

BEA: And you promise that you’re not going to… withhold information from me in some kind of misguided attempt to shield me from the cruel world or whatever. 

GRACE: Uh… 

BEA: Grace! I can’t work on these things with you if you’re not going to keep me informed, plus if there’s anything about the guy who stabbed me… I just… really need to know.

GRACE: Ok. Ok, I promise… to let you know as soon as I track down The Maestro. Happy?  

BEA: Thrilled. So. Are there a lot of… human/monster partnerships? Is that a thing? 

GRACE: Some. Not super common. But some people see through the myths and legends and get to know you for who you are.

BEA: I guess that’s all you can ask for. 

GRACE: Yep. 

BEA: Would you date a human again? Wait, is The Maestro human? 

GRACE: He’s a magician. 

BEA: That doesn’t answer the question.

GRACE: He’s a human with… enhancements. It’s complicated, though, dating a mortal. Informed consent is important, and they aren’t always… as informed as they think they are. Ultimately, I think I prefer someone I can… 

BEA: Not see as lunch?

GRACE: Care for. As an equal. 

BEA: Hmm. 

GRACE: And also someone who’s not afraid of a little biting.

BEA: This is inappropriate workplace talk. 

GRACE: Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. Should we get ready to go see this Amelia? 

BEA: Yeah, I’ll close up. 

 

[SFX: Bea gets up and starts packing, transitions to the interior of a nice house]

BEA_NARRATION: I was supposed to be concentrating on prep for heading to the suspect’s house, but I had the previous evening on my mind. Grace has been trying to get me to relax into my new life by integrating me into her friend group a little, which mostly involved going to Alden and Aurelius’s. They’re quite nice and have been nothing but welcoming to this… sad vampire who’s shown up on their doorstep with her mildly overbearing friend. But… it’s tough. I’ve generally had a pretty small social circle, and over the last few years it feels like it’s only gotten smaller. You know how it is: work, family things, people move away, lives change. Your friends have kids. They grow up. They leave you behind. Or you leave them. And suddenly you’re 35 and most of your interactions are online. It isn’t not all bad, I do have a couple of friends still here, but… I haven’t reached out to them in earnest since that night. I don’t know what I’d say to them if they asked how I was doing. I don’t know how to lie about this yet. 

It’s nice hanging out with the werewolves at least. They’re like… the chill married uncles I never had, except they’re also occasionally wolves. Aurelius did his usual thing of absolutely crushing all of us at cards. And Alden was quiet. Not silent, but quiet. But he watches me out of the corner of his eye. He peers up from long lashes and offers a small smile when I notice. I’m afraid to ask him what he’s thinking about. 

AURELIUS: I win. Again.

GRACE: I don’t know why we keep playing cards, I always lose. 

AURELIUS: You have had plenty of time to practice. 

GRACE: Well, I’ve also had a lot of time to learn things like knitting, but I’ve never been particularly interested in getting better at that, either. 

AURELIUS: I’m sure it’s relaxing. 

GRACE: There are other ways to relax. Better ways.

ALDEN: What, like a midnight stroll and a warm drink?

GRACE: Har har har, hilarious. 

AURELIUS: He’s a cut up. You want another coffee?

GRACE: Sure. 

AURELIUS: Bea?

BEA: No, I’m good, thanks. [SFX: Aurelius gets up and goes to the kitchen]

ALDEN: So, Bea, how’s it been? You seem a little less on edge. 

BEA: Yeah, I’m… settling in. I guess. 

ALDEN: That’s good. Plus, you have Grace showing you the ropes. Could be worse. Could be trying to figure this out on your own. 

GRACE: Alden, it’s fine. I don’t think she wants to talk about this right now. 

BEA: Yeah, let’s shift topics.

GRACE: How’s that design job you’re working on? Still making terrible decisions, vis-a-vis the typeface choice?

ALDEN: Oh my god, have I not told you about this? Ok, so… [their conversation continues quietly underneath the narration]

BEA_NARRATION: My body feels wrong lately. Maybe not WRONG wrong, but it definitely feels. Different. I don’t really rest much, I just kind of… lie there quietly. Grace has been trying to get me to swap my sleep schedule around fully but… I don’t think I’m ready yet. Plus, I still like to talk to my family and… y’know, they’re awake during the day. God, ok, I can’t think about this right now, I can’t think about them, I can’t think about this. I can’t break down at Alden’s kitchen table, it’s way too expensive and I worry my tears would ruin the finish. 

BEA: Uh, I’m going to… go get some air, ok? 

GRACE: What’s wrong?

BEA: Nothing, just a little warm. I’ll be back in a minute.

BEA_NARRATION: When does this stop feeling like a mistake and start feeling normal? Who am I if I don’t feel like my hands are my own anymore? When does this stop feeling like a dream and start feeling real? I listen to my heart beat, then the beating of the woman walking by, and it overwhelms. I have to shut it out. [SFX: there’s a couple moments of silence and then the sound of the door slowly opening, closing, and then someone sitting down on the step beside Bea]

ALDEN: So, how’s the air?

BEA: Uh, it’s… good. Fresh. 

ALDEN: Is the freshness helping to improve your evening?

BEA: It’s nothing personal, I… I’m still-

ALDEN: Adjusting.

BEA: … yeah. Sorry. 

ALDEN: Don’t apologize. It’s something we all experience. You live an entire life in such a simple body and then one day… you start again, a new life in a form unfamiliar. 

BEA: What was it like for you… becoming a… 

ALDEN: You should just say it. Dancing around it will only make the mental transition drag on. I know what I am. I am aware of all the names for it.

BEA: What was it like for you when you became a werewolf?

ALDEN: Oh, well, it was very simple. One day a dog bit me and then next thing you know, we’re out engaging in wacky adventures together. Even got a taste for kibble.

BEA: … really?

ALDEN: No, that’s incredibly reductive, how dare you.

BEA: Walked into that one.

ALDEN: I’m only ribbing you. To be honest it was… hm. To be honest… hm… to be fair, I try not to think too much about it, it wasn’t a pleasant experience. 

BEA: I apologize, we don’t have to talk about it-

ALDEN: No no, it’s fine. I think you need to hear about the realities of it all. What good would it be to hide these things from you? It was brutal. I was a young man, or at least younger than I am now – unlike you I don’t get to stare down immortality, only age much more slowly – and I was out for a late-night walk. Wanted to clear my head. At some point, I remember hearing someone… following me. I tried to shake them, but… I don’t think they had anything against me in particular, sometimes you’re just… the only one there. Bad luck. And they were hungry. I wasn’t fast enough. They caught up with me and someone became something and… well, if you’ve never been shredded before, I can’t say I’d recommend it. 

BEA: Funnily enough, I’m… partially aware of that feeling. It still feels like my body is filled with holes, with wounds, and I don’t know how to fill them. 

ALDEN: It takes time. I survived, in a sense. And so did you. You’re lucky, though. For me, these early stages were the Bad Days. There were no rules. Anyone was fair game. There was no sense of control. My fears, the residual terror that lingered after the attack, it filled me with this… energy, and I didn’t know how to channel it. It just had to go somewhere. So I took it out on others. Fear, anger, rage, hurt, I took those things and I pushed them into the world. It took time – and effort – to realize that the person I was before any of this happened was still there. Just different. Just learning about the new world they found themselves in.

BEA: When did all that happen?

ALDEN: Hmm. 1968, maybe? 

BEA: Oh, wow. 

ALDEN: Time passes. Once I realized that I was transforming I tried all kinds of things to feel like I was in control again: religion, magic, essential oils, even Atkins for a while. I moved to the country for a while so I could attempt only hunting animals, but the unchecked fury within, it wasn’t stopped by being alone in the woods. Frankly, it made it worse, at least for me. I had to find peace elsewhere. So, against my better judgement, I came back. I started again, for the third time, really. And that’s when I met Aurelius.  

BEA: Was he… already a werewolf?

ALDEN: He was, but could you imagine if he wasn’t? If I had turned him? 

BEA: It would be a story to tell the grandkids.

ALDEN: Some men like bears, others prefer a wolf. 

BEA: Right. 

ALDEN: Nonetheless, it’s been many years. He gave me… stability. A place where I could rest and find myself again. I am a better person for having found him, and I think he would say the same. 

BEA: It’s nice to have someone. 

ALDEN: It’s nice to be had. 

BEA: Y’know, I don’t know how I’m supposed to date like this.

ALDEN: I wouldn’t worry about it too much right now, feels a little… low on the priority list.

BEA: I know, but…

ALDEN: The hunger?

BEA: Yeah. All of it. All of the time. All of them. 

ALDEN: Well then, why don’t you tell me what you’re feeling? Just between you, me, and the breeze. And that guy walking by. He’s probably listening in. 

BEA: You think so?

ALDEN: Are you kidding? That dog looks nefarious. Come on now.

BEA: I… I feel like my body healed but in an entirely superficial way. I wake up and my hands are reaching out for something, but I don’t know what. Do I want to find the guy who did this and strangle him? Do I want to find someone else there? Do I want a high five? I don’t know. And there is this pressure in my chest that feels like this new set of hands is trying to push its way out. My skin feels too tight around my muscles and I worry that if someone else put a hand on me that I would rip open like an overstuffed dumpling. Sometimes, there’s this sensation like all the joints in my body are ready to pop, and I wish that… I could just find a way to stop it. And, when I think about it, all I want is to just… be close to someone. And that just feels impossible right now. But I want it so bad. 

ALDEN: Hm. Hunger. All of them. All of the time.

BEA: Does it ever get easier?

ALDEN: You learn to deal with it. Work with it. Work within it. Sometimes though… giving in can be pretty fun. If you know when to stop.

BEA: I don’t know what that means for me right now, though. I… I don’t know if I will.

ALDEN: No one ever does until it’s too late. 

 

[SFX: transition to outside of an apartment in the early evening. A knock and then the door opens]

AMELIA: Hello?

BEA_NARRATION: A woman opens the door, and she is effervescently beautiful. She’s thin but she towers over me, she must be almost 6’4’’. Her nose is long and she’s staring down at me from the top of it. Her eyes don’t warm up though, and I can already see the sweat beading on her forehead. We are definitely an unwelcome sight.

GRACE: Hi, are you Amelia Nyblom?

AMELIA: Who are you?

GRACE: My name is Grace, this is Bea, we’re from the Woodbine Agency, and we’re here on behalf of someone you may know. We just have a few questions, it’ll take only a minute.

AMELIA: No thanks. 

BEA: Do you know someone named Phoebe Koskinen?

AMELIA: Oh, if you’re involved with her then I don’t want to talk any further.

BEA: Please, just-

AMELIA: Get lost, this conversation is over and you’re not coming into my apartment.

GRACE: Amelia, please, we’re just here to talk. 

BEA: This can all be over quickly if you just let us know the whereabouts of Phoebe’s skin. 

AMELIA: Oh, come on. Why doesn’t she give me mine back first, then? Now fuck off! [SFX: goes to close the door but Grace stops it]

BEA: Hang on, what do you mean “give yours back first”? Are you a-

AMELIA: Shhh! Shut up! My neighbours are so nosy.

NEIGHBOURS: [from behind a door] No we’re not!

AMELIA: UGH. Look, just… come in. Whatever. [SFX: they go into the apartment and she closes the door and locks it] Ok, look, Phoebe and I broke up like, 3 weeks ago because things were shit. She said some stuff, I said some stuff, she reinstalled Hinge, I reinstalled Lex, all that bullshit. 

BEA: Anything said in particular?

AMELIA: Just… the things you say to someone to hurt their feelings in the heat of the moment. She called me flighty, I called her a wet blanket.

BEA: Bit on the nose.

GRACE: So, you’re both selkies?

AMELIA: No. 

BEA: But you think she has your skin.

AMELIA: I’m a swan maiden. It’s different. 

GRACE: Interesting. I’ve never met one before.

AMELIA: Just me and my sister as far as I know around here. There isn’t exactly a form on dating sites that lets you tick off if you’re sometimes a bird. 

BEA: Maybe there should be. Look, we just want to help. 

BEA_NARRATION: What I wanted to say was “you’re looking quite lovely for someone apparently missing their epidermis” but instead I just mentally ran through all the possible options for other mythical or cryptic beings with known skin-removing abilities. 

AMELIA: Whatever. Not a concern right now. She took it, probably as revenge. She’s always like this!

GRACE: Like what? 

AMELIA: Fiery, reactive. She just… does whatever feels right to her, doesn’t matter how it affects anyone else. 

GRACE: Has she taken it before?

AMELIA: One time it got locked in her car when we were having a big dust-up, very uncool. Look, I know she hired you two but… [sighs] is there any way you could speak to her about getting mine back?

GRACE: We’ll see what we can do. But to clarify, do you have her skin? 

AMELIA: No. 

BEA: Honest answer, please.  

AMELIA: If you don’t believe me, you can search my apartment. There’s nothing here. 

BEA: … have you been crying? And listening to Fletcher?

AMELIA: No! … a little. Look, just because you have a bad breakup, doesn’t mean you still don’t miss the person sometimes and grieve the relationship. 

GRACE: Is there anyone else who was aware of your, for lack of a better word, conditions? Any details help. Anyone who knows might also have had a reason to get their hands on your skin. We just want everyone back in one piece.

AMELIA: … Look, I took her skin. I did, and I’m sorry. I was pissed, alright? And it was mean and stupid and I shouldn’t have done it, and I was going to return it, I really was, but then… it went missing, along with mine. So… I assumed that Phoebe came by and took it when she got hers back. But if she’s come to you guys…

BEA: Hoo boy… 

BEA_NARRATION: The skin had been stored in a special box at Amelia’s apartment until recently, tucked away alongside her own. She showed me the space and it honestly looked like it would’ve been packed away with care, within a beautifully carved silk-lined wooden container that now lay empty. Amelia was stressed, her feathers ruffled – that’s probably insensitive – by the loss of her skin. Skin, skin, skin. I feel like I dream of skin right now. I dream of biting into it. I dream of flesh…

Outside of Phoebe, there weren’t many other options who would know about this – unlikely to be parents or a sibling – but there was one person. An ex named Selina. A recent ex as well, although it sounds like she’s been a bit of an on-and-off thing up until her relationship with Phoebe. She wouldn’t give us much info on her but… she gave us an address. The funny thing is that – if social media stalking is anything to go off of – they both seem to have rebounded with the same woman. Phoebe also had some… uh, thirsty photos taken with this lady. We’re going to go speak with Selena to see if she has any idea what’s going on. Maybe she’s the one who got under their skin. 

 

[SFX: transition to walking towards a house] 

GRACE: Rhys, can you see if anyone’s there?

RHYS: Yeah, let me check. [SFX: walks over to the house, knocks again] Hello? [SFX: knocks again and the door slowly creaks open, it’s not latched]

SIREN: [SFX: distant and wafting up from the basement, a soft laugh, teasing and pleasurable] Please come in. Come to me.  

RHYS: All clear! [SFX: the laugh continues to quiet waft up from the basement]

BEA: Did you hear that?

GRACE: I did. We should be on our guard. 

RHYS: It’s fine. Should we check downstairs?

GRACE: Yes, let’s.

BEA: Are you sure?

SIREN: [SFX: from below] You should! It’s ever so lovely down here.

RHYS: I’m sold. [SFX: he takes off]

BEA: Rhys!

GRACE: Let him go, if there’s anything truly dangerous, we’ll deal with it.

RHYS: [SFX: from the stairs heading down] You guys coming?

BEA: Yep. [SFX: they start heading towards the basement] [to Grace] This better not bite us in the ass, literal or figurative. 

SIREN: [quietly] Only if you ask nicely.

GRACE: Curious.  

BEA: Whatever that is, it’s down here in this… dank basement.

GRACE: I have a suspicion. 

RHYS: Maybe not so much “dank” as “flooded”.

GRACE: Who wants to wade in?

BEA: New guy has to do it. 

RHYS: That’s fine. I’m used to getting my hands dirty.

BEA: Maybe tread carefully, that water is… opaque. 

RHYS: Sounds good. [SFX: keeps moving] Should this water be cold?

BEA: I’d assume so. Oh, [SFX: bends down, dips a hand in] it really isn’t. It’s like… body temp. [SFX: the siren arises from the water]

BEA_NARRATION: The water is warm on my hand. The air should smell musty, dank, closed in, but it smells like roses and sweet vanilla musk. My mouth wets. There is a figure on the far side of the room, lounging luxuriously against a chaise lounge that is either very tall or floating. A smirk dances across her face as she spots us. 

SIREN: Hello, fair interloper.

RHYS: Hey. What’s a nice lady like you doing in a wet basement like this?

GRACE: Very interesting. 

BEA: Who the hell is she?

GRACE: A siren. I haven’t met one of you in ages.

BEA: What? I’m plugging my ears, do I have to plug my ears?

GRACE: You’re fine, her voice shouldn’t work on vampires.

BEA: WHAT?

GRACE: I SAID-… take your fingers out of your ears! It’s fine, their powers of persuasion are cancelled out by ours. 

BEA: I’m just trying to be safe.

GRACE: Don’t worry about us. Lover boy, on the other hand…

RHYS: [SFX: wading over] Mind if I park myself over here?

SIREN: That would be nice.

BEA: Hey! Cut it out! 

SIREN: Huh? Oh, for crying out loud. You two, what’s your deal?

BEA: None of your business. And please do not devour our assistant.

SIREN: Oh, you’re no fun.

GRACE: We’re here on business.  

SIREN: Just business? No chance of pleasure?

RHYS: Yes please.

GRACE: Not today, unfortunately. We’ll keep this quick. Do you know either of these women?  

SIREN: Oh, I know them both. Quite intimately.

RHYS: And the details on that are…

BEA: Rhys, I’m going to pinch you, sorry in advance.

RHYS: Ow! Why’d you do that? Wait, why are we in a flooded basement? 

SIREN: It’s fine, dear.

RHYS: [under her spell again] Oh, hello there. [SFX: moves towards her a little, Bea stops him] 

BEA: Grace, can you hurry this up before I have to put Rhys in a headlock?

SIREN: You seem stressed. Don’t you want to relax?

BEA: What’s your Friday like? 

SIREN: I’ll check my calendar. But getting back to the matter at hand, I had… dalliances with both of them. Situationships, as the kids are calling them these days. 

BEA: At the same time or separately? 

SIREN: Separately. Several times. They’re… well, they were both fun but quite messy.

GRACE: Do you know anything about their respective… conditions?

SIREN: Oh, yes. I’m aware. You don’t date a shapeshifter without becoming acutely aware of those… intricate parts of their beings.

GRACE: So you know about their skins. 

SIREN: I do. Why? Are you looking for them? 

GRACE: We are. 

SIREN: See, here’s the thing with having exes who date. Sometimes you understand their relationship more than they do themselves. 

BEA: When did you date them? 

SIREN: First one was their previous breakup. I met them both at a mixer at Glad Day, first hooked up with Phoebe, then Amelia, then they started dating each other. Then they stopped dating each other. Then Phoebe and I got together. When that didn’t work out, I started dating Amelia again. When that didn’t work out, the two of them got back together. And now they’ve broken up again. Shapeshifters. Always changing but always staying the same, circling back to each other, always tangled in each other’s skins. Hungry for love, those two. If you ask me, they really do belong together. They’ll figure that out eventually. Or they’ll stay skinless.    

BEA: You’re a siren, not a sphinx. No riddles! Do you know where their skins are or not? 

SIREN: I might. 

BEA: So can you just tell us?

RHYS: Don’t be rude to the beautiful woman! [SFX: Bea pinches Rhys again] Ow! Sorry, what’s happening? [notices the Siren] Well hello there…  

SIREN: You can tell them that if they want to find their skins they can figure it out. Together. 

BEA: So you took their skins? Come on man, that’s rude. 

GRACE: Where are they? 

SIREN: Tell them… The skins can be found in the sands below

The tower short that shines and glows.

Fish swim in me, and boats float on my back,

In a landscape of green, blue, and sometimes black.

BEA: Or you could just give them back. 

SIREN: You’re no fun. 

BEA: I’m very fun when I need to be. 

SIREN: Oh, I’m aware. I see the flush in your face. You’ll take care of this sweet young man, won’t you?

RHYS: You’re so pretty. 

SIREN: I know, and you’re a snack yourself. [SFX: turns back to them] They know what they need to do. They just need to put their heads together. Oh, look at the time. I have so many other things to attend to. 

BEA: Down here?

SIREN: Would you like to explore these depths?

BEA: Y’know, I’ll have to see if I have some free time coming up. 

SIREN: Think about it. Goodbye. And best of luck! [SFX: Dives into the dank basement water] 

BEA: … How deep is this basement water?

GRACE: Do not wade in any further. Below the surface she’s a lot less pretty. I guess we take this back to our client. [SFX: they start wading back] Rhys?

RHYS: Why are we in a basement?

BEA: Not the worst one I’ve been in, believe me. Come on. 

RHYS: [SFX: walking up the stairs] Stop pinching me!

BEA: I will when you stop turning back!

RHYS: I want to check out what’s down there again- ow! ow! Ok! Alright, I get it, siren dangerous. Lure men to their death on the rocks. [SFX: walks a bit] Did it not work on you because you’re women?

BEA: Uh… sure. That’s it. [SFX: exits the basement, walks outside, closes the door] Did you see what was on her chaise?

GRACE: Bushy cinquefoil. That’s not a common plant around here and you’re not likely to buy it at the store. 

BEA: So where do you find it? 

GRACE: It’s a wildflower, but you can find it around on the island, especially around Hanlan’s and Gibraltar Point Lighthouse.

BEA: So she’s been there recently. 

GRACE: Yep. And took a souvenir. I think we need to talk to our client again. 

 

[SFX: Transition to Phoebe’s apartment]

GRACE: You didn’t think it would be pertinent to tell us that Amelia was also a shapeshifter and the two of you have a shared ex who’s a siren? 

PHOEBE: People get weird about it! Plus, things have been kind of messed up out there lately, it’s hard to know who you can trust with what information. I didn’t want to tell you more than I needed to. 

BEA: What do you mean by messed up?

PHOEBE: There were those attacks. Didn’t you hear about them? 

GRACE: What attacks?

PHOEBE: I heard there was a stabbing not far from you guys, but there was also that vampire who was just killed in the west end. 

GRACE: What? Who? When? 

PHOEBE: Just happened, I got a text about it last night from a friend of mine, they were found with their head cut off. Real sicko shit. Sorry, I don’t know their name.

BEA: That’s disturbing

PHOEBE: Yeah, like I said, things are weird right now. 

GRACE: We can talk about this later. Where did you put her skin? 

PHOEBE: I didn’t take hers!

BEA: Come on, this is getting stupid, just tell us.

PHOEBE: I didn’t!  

BEA: The skins can be found in the sands below / The tower short that shines and glows. That’s what Selena said, so does her riddle mean anything to you?

PHOEBE: Ah, Selena… I really liked her. She was fun, but… I ended things. 

GRACE: Could this be revenge on her part?

BEA: How many layers of jilted lovers are we going to have here? This is like an onion, like a… horny onion. 

PHOEBE: No, Selena is… well, uh, in a different situation I’d probably describe her as poly, but that’s because people just keep being drawn to her. It’s kind of fun to watch. 

GRACE: Did that make you jealous?

PHOEBE: It didn’t. It didn’t! I… I liked Selena, but… I don’t know, I was still coming out of the headspace of the breakup with Amelia and I just… wasn’t over her yet. I wasn’t a great partner. Classic “not over your ex” shit. 

BEA: Did you ever go with her to the lighthouse at Gibraltar Point?

PHOEBE: I may have told her about it once or twice after a few beers. I… am a sentimental drunk. That… that’s probably what she’s talking about in that riddle. 

GRACE: Maybe you should call her. 

PHOEBE: Do… do you think she took it? 

GRACE: Can’t rule that out at this point. Do you think it could be on the island? 

PHOEBE: I mean… probably. Do you think it’s worth it to check?  

 

[SFX: they’re walking away from the docks]

BEA_NARRATION: I like it on the water. It’s nice out here. Quiet [SFX: boat horn sounds, shouting overtop] OK SOMETIMES IT’S QUIET. There is a sweetness in the air out here. The sun is almost done setting and creating little ripples of orange and red. The air is cool but I don’t really feel cold. Instead, the breeze feels more like a shawl caressing my arms. It’s nice. I don’t go to the Island much anymore, but I used to spend a lot of time out here when I was in my 20s. Not that I remember a lot of it, but it was always fun. It’s been ages though, so I’m excited to go back. I hope we can go down to the beach for a bit, look at the stars. I’ve been in the city for too long. Grace is on the phone beside me talking to Amelia about what we found out and, well… 

AMELIA: [phone] Oh… that’s… that was our spot.  

GRACE: So we’ve heard. 

AMELIA: [phone] Is Phoebe there with you?

GRACE: No, although I wouldn’t be surprised if we ran into her out here. 

AMELIA: [phone] Ok… well… if you find it, please let me know. 

GRACE: We will. [SFX: another boat horn, also on the call] Hm. I’ll call you once we’ve located the skins. Goodbye. [SFX: hangs up] The sound of her voice when I said that I didn’t know if Phoebe would be here. 

BEA: Sadness?

GRACE: Longing. 

BEA: I know that vibe. And it explains the Fletcher. You ever have an ex you miss too much? 

GRACE: I’ve longed for ex-lovers so intensely I worried my still beating heart would launch itself straight out of my chest like a gloopy projectile. Something is in the air. [SFX: boat honk in the distance] Or in the water. 

BEA: You think it’s out there? Or directly under the lighthouse. 

GRACE: Worth checking out both options. 

RHYS: It’s in the water? I can go check.

BEA: Dude, it’s so cold out there.

RHYS: It’s fine! [SFX: already taking off shirt] I’m a strong swimmer.

BEA: … I can see that. 

GRACE: Do you work out every day?

RHYS: Like, most days. Whenever I can find some time. 

BEA: Can I join? 

RHYS: You want to get some reps in?

BEA: Yeah, sounds good. Look, let’s just go find like… a dinghy or something.

RHYS: All good! [SFX: heads into the shallows] Oh man, you weren’t kidding when you said it would be cold! 

BEA: It’s like talking to a Labrador. 

GRACE: Stop staring.

BEA: I’m not staring, you’re staring.

GRACE: Can you blame me?

BEA_NARRATION: Every part of my body is ready to burst.

BEA: Who goes in if he screws this up?

GRACE: You.

BEA: Fuckin’ seniority, every time.

RHYS: What exactly am I looking for? 

BEA: A box, I guess? 

RHYS: What if there’s something else in it, like… a corpse or something?

BEA: Like a mob hit?

RHYS: Yeah!

BEA: Then that officially makes it someone else’s problem! … hey, wait, stop.

RHYS: Huh?

BEA: Come back, come over here. [SFX: he comes out of the water and they step back into the bushes] That looks like… 

GRACE: Phoebe. 

AMELIA: [SFX: emerging from the bushes] Phoebe? 

PHOEBE: Amelia? What are you doing here?

AMELIA: I… uh… I’m just out for a walk and thought… y’know.

PHOEBE: You heard from the detective, huh?

AMELIA: Yeah, and I thought I’d come check. What are you doing here?

PHOEBE: Uh… same. I’m pretty sure I saw them somewhere out here but I thought hey, might as well take a little jaunt myself.

AMELIA: Yeah…

PHOEBE: It’s a beautiful evening. 

AMELIA: It is. Do… do you want to help me dig? 

PHOEBE: What a question. Yeah, hopefully Selena did actually leave our stuff here so we’re not getting ourselves dirty for no reason. [SFX: they start digging in the sand]

AMELIA: I’m… sorry that I stole your skin. I never should’ve done that.

PHOEBE: No, you shouldn’t have. But… I’m sorry that I acted like such an idiot and a jerk. You deserve better. 

AMELIA: We both screwed up.

PHOEBE: Yeah, and look where that got us. Hopefully there’s buried treasure down here as well.

AMELIA: One can only hope. But the stars are beautiful. Well, what ones you can see through the city lights.

PHOEBE: [SFX: stops shovelling] Yeah. … I long to be back out there again in the water. I’ve missed it. It hasn’t even been that long but I feel… pulled in two. … I miss being out there with you too.   

AMELIA: Pheebs, I miss you.

PHOEBE: Amelia-

AMELIA: No, this whole thing has been such a mess. I want to try. I want to make this work. Please, I just… want to make this work. 

PHOEBE: [SFX: they embrace] God, I’ve missed you so much. I don’t know who I am these days. I want to try again. I want to try a thousand times with you. Come on, let’s find what we’re looking for. 

AMELIA: And then what?

PHOEBE: And then… we head to the water. [SFX: they dig quickly and hit a box. They pull it out and open it up] Oh, thank god. 

AMELIA: She folded them up, but intertwined. [SFX: they pull the skins out of the box and the sound is like fabric and tiny bells and the shifting of bird wings] There’s a note. “May you two find your way together.” God, Selina is such a drama queen.

PHOEBE: I’ll give her this one. And she kept them clean and stored correctly. Shall we? 

AMELIA: Lead the way. [SFX: a shimmering noise as they transform]

BEA_NARRATION: They kiss deeply as a shimmering light envelops them both. There’s a deep hunger that radiates out from them and sends a shock from my mouth to my heart. Without thinking, I grab Grace’s arm. She’s surprised but… she doesn’t pull away, and instead gently puts her hand on mine. I feel a rumble roar up through my brain, the feeling of another vampire’s skin on mine causing something inside me to short-circuit. When I look back, Phoebe and Amelia are gone. A bird sails into the sky while a small mammal – less like a seal and more like an otter, albeit silvery in the light, perhaps her kind has adapted to their environment – runs towards the water, and is gone. Grace gives me a soft squeeze and then releases her gentle grip on my hand. I can hear something in my brain, jumbled images, words and words and words I can’t make out. We watch the stars for a bit, listening only to the wind. 

GRACE: I don’t think we’re needed here anymore. [SFX: they quietly creep away]

RHYS: Did anyone bring a towel?

GRACE: I have a handkerchief in my purse.

RHYS: Cool.

SIREN: I can help with that. 

BEA: Ah! Possibly spooky hands where I can see them!

GRACE: Stay away from the assistant!

SIREN: Relax! I’m just toweling him off. 

RHYS: Have we met before? I hope we have.  

BEA: I’m going to tackle him.

SIREN: Alright, alright. Look, my ability to draw people to me is truly a gift, but I’m not here to take your adorable coworker with me. I’m just here for the fireworks. 

BEA: So you stole the skins and brought them out here. 

SIREN: Mmmhmm. What I realized was that, no matter how much I liked either of them, what they truly longed for was each other. So I… decided to take things into my own hands. Bring them together again.

BEA: Could you have not just held a dinner party? Arranged a coffee date? Or… I don’t know, trapped them together in an elevator? 

SIREN: I could do lots of things, but where’s the fun in that? 200 years ago, my grandmothers drew men into the jagged rocks that rim the shore. Here… I can’t say it’s the same drawing water taxis into the reeds that surround the island. I live a good life. I have so much love. Sometimes the best way to bring that to other people is to lure them into the waves, that… rush of adrenaline. It’s wonderful. The world is so dark, life is so short… well, for most of us. They needed to remember what it was like to be skin to skin again. No awkward dinner party could accomplish that. [SFX: patting Rhys on the back] Alright sugar, back to your friends.

RHYS: You want to swim out to those rocks?

GRACE/BEA: No!

SIREN: What a dish. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you, my dear. You two, thanks for helping me, even if it was unintentional. At least you got paid for your time. Plus, looks like you could use some time in the water. Ladies, gentleman, it’s been a lovely evening but I should be heading back to the boat, not my place to be out this late. See you both around, maybe. 

GRACE: Have a good night, Selina. 

SIREN: I always do. [SFX: walks away]

BEA_NARRATION: Maybe it’s the residual aura of the siren, maybe it’s the fact that I can barely hold myself together these days, but I’m staring at Grace’s mouth. It’s soft and sharp at the same time. I’ve never noticed how gracefully her neck drifts into her collarbones. I want nothing more in this moment than to dissolve into stardust in her hands. 

GRACE: What’s on your mind, Bea?

BEA: Nothing. I mean, hopefully those two work out. 

GRACE: Nothing is guaranteed, but maybe they just needed a little push.

BEA: Yeah. Right mood, right vibe, right place. 

GRACE: She brought them to the place they were once happiest and reunited them there. 

RHYS: It’s poetic if you forget about the part of how weird the whole thing is. 

BEA: Shh. Everything poetic until you make it real. Then it’s just unsettling. Hey, isn’t this the plot to The Parent Trap?

GRACE: Shh. 

 

[SFX: transition to Bea and Rhys walking into the office]

RHYS: Who’s doing the paperwork? Not it!

BEA: That’s not how this works! It’s not like calling the front seat. 

RHYS: I tried. [SFX: sits down] Well, at least today we were able to find one thing.

BEA: Skin?

RHYS: Love.

BEA: Very heart-warming. I’m just hoping Grace isn’t stuck trying to find parking for too long, I told her she should rent a spot in the garage, but she never listens.  

RHYS: Uh, Bea? There’s a guy outside?

BEA: What?

RHYS: Looking in through the window?

BEA: Where?

RHYS: Over there.

BEA: [SFX: walking over] Hey buddy, can I help- [SFX: taps him on the shoulder and vwoop it’s twinkly powers time. She gasps]

BEA_NARRATION: I tap him on the shoulder and suddenly I’m pulled out of time, back to… the attack. [SFX: layered in distant stabbing noises] It’s him, the man who stabbed me, over and over again. His eyes are cold and dark, but startled. He did not expect to see me here. He does not know that I’m alive. [SFX: the man shoves Bea and knocks her down] He slams me in the chest and I fall, too shocked to do anything else. In the haze, I watch him run down the hall. I can’t bring myself to get up. I’m back on the floor of the office, bleeding out, again, forever. I don’t know if this is real, is this a flashback? A dream? The fading glimpses of it rest on the edge of my vision, fading slowly. 

GRACE: [SFX: running over] Who the fuck was that? Bea? Bea! [SFX: she crouches down]

BEA: That was him. 

GRACE: Him? [SFX: sniffing the air, suddenly furious] HIM. [SFX: she takes off running, Rhys runs over and helps her up, they go back into the office]

RHYS: What happened?

GRACE: Rhys, can you pull up the security feed? 

RHYS: Uh, sure. [SFX: computer sounds as he pulls up the feed] From now?

GRACE: Yes. 

BEA_NARRATION: In the video, there is a man looking through the window of our office. 

RHYS: That’s creepy. 

BEA: Yeah…

BEA_NARRATION: His hand presses against the glass, almost mottled looking in the black and white feed. I will find the imprint later, smudged. Unreadable. But there. 

RHYS: I wonder what he was looking at. 

BEA_NARRATION: His face darts around, looking, searching. 

RHYS: There, pause it. 

BEA: Oh. 

BEA_NARRATION: A face blurred in my memory, now clear. His cheeks are hollow, sunken. A heavy brow shades his eyes. His mouth appears to be carved deep in a frown.  

RHYS: Do you know him? 

BEA: I… yeah. I don’t know his name, but he’s not a nice person. 

GRACE: [SFX: coming back in] Fuck! I lost him. I can smell him, it’s everywhere, but he must have had a way out. As soon as I got to the street I was… overwhelmed. I lost his trail. Fuck!

BEA_NARRATION: He panicked. I should be dead. But there I am, seemingly fine. 

RHYS: What did he do?

BEA: He’s a murderer. 

RHYS: … oh, shit.

BEA_NARRATION: He knows I’m still here. And I don’t know if he’s going to return. 

[end]

Credits

Featuring the voices of:

Alex Nursall as Bea
Ian Boddy as Rhys
Emily Kellogg as Grace
Anuja Varghese as Phoebe
Harleen Bhogal as Amelia
Jo Guthrie as Selena
Harlan Guthrie as Alden
and Taylor Davis as Aurelius

Woodbine is an original podcast created, written, and produced by Alex Nursall and Emily Kellogg
Showrunning and direction by Alex Nursall
Production and promotion by Emily Kellogg
Engineering and sound design by Ian Boddy
Theme by Phil Wright
Music by Phil Wright and Ian Boddy
Recorded at Pirate Sound
Artwork by Andy Kelly
Distributed by Realm