Woodbine

Summary

You can only run for so long. At some point, you have to face your problems head on. Usually, you’d do this in therapy, but Grace is tired of platitudes and obfuscations and questions. She wants answers and there’s only one person who can give them to her. But that means no more running, no more avoiding, no more looking away. You have to face your problems head on, no matter what happens, no matter what they bring.

You have to stop running at some point. No matter what, the past will find you and it is not kind.

This is the season finale of Woodbine (Season One). We’ll see you soon.

Content Warnings: verbal abuse, violence, death

Transcript

[SFX: A car pulls up outside of an office building downtown. Everyone quickly stumbles out. The car speeds away]

RHYS: That was the worst experience I’ve had on the road in a long time.

BEA: Y’know, I didn’t know Uber drivers knew how to warp space and time but clearly that guy did, as it’s the only explanation to how we’re still alive.

GRACE: [SFX: typing on her phone] “Tried to kill multiple people at a crosswalk”… “used curbs as ramps”… “but got us here quickly”… does that merit 1 star or 5? 

BEA: I mean, I’m definitely awake now. 

RHYS: And very aware of my mortality. 

BEA: Let’s go speak to Lennox before that driver decides to pull a U turn and run us all over out of revenge for not tipping. 

GRACE: Oh, I’m still tipping. I’m not a monster. But you’re right, let’s go. It’s the building just up ahead. [SFX: they start walking]

BEA: That one is the head office?

GRACE: Didn’t expect it to be this central? 

BEA: I did, to be fully fair. It would be weirder if they were located in like… a castle on a lake. Or in Grimsby. 

RHYS: A truly terrifying proposition.

BEA: I just didn’t think it would be in an area this corporate. Maybe in a large house down a laneway or in a spooky mansion in Deer Park. Not, y’know… the Financial District.

GRACE: It’s where business happens. 

BEA: Even the undead can’t escape office jobs. That’s… incredibly depressing. 

RHYS: He’s got the imposing vampiric lord thing going, at least. The contemporary version anyway. No castle but a big tower. That’s imposing. And phallic. You used to work here? 

GRACE: It wasn’t always like this. The origins of the business were more humble. But you build, you buy more companies. You dismantle them so your own might expand. You make choices. You take names. You get people out of your way so you get richer and they pay in blood. Sometimes literally, sometimes figuratively. I didn’t… really want to be a part of that kind of bloodthirstiness anymore. [SFX: Bea lets out a small laugh] It had grown tiresome.

RHYS: You walked away from a big pay cheque for what you do now? That’s noble, I guess. 

GRACE: I wouldn’t go that far. I couldn’t have started the agency without capital. I retained shares, I had stock options. I have at least a handful of morals, but I’m not a fool. 

BEA: If you’re googling it, Rhys, it’s called Emiel Holdings.

RHYS: [SFX: typing on his phone] That name rings a bell but I can’t picture the logo or anything.

GRACE: It’s not the kind of thing that a regular person – especially a mortal one – would have on their radar. They own a lot of stuff though, lots more than you’d ever realize. There are many holdings within the community, but there’s many things in the mortal world the company has – for lack of a better word – stakes in. 

RHYS: Hang on, I’m pulling up the website. [SFX: typing] Office buildings, housing – of course he owns housing – oh, yeah, I recognize a few of these. Wait a minute, that restaurant is owned by vampires?

GRACE: Correct. 

RHYS: That explains a lot. 

BEA: And also probably why their tartare is so good.

GRACE: They also employ a fantastic head chef.

RHYS: I’ll take your word for it. 

BEA: Was he always like this? 

RHYS: A vampire?

BEA: No, a… corporate overlord. And a literal nightmare man. 

RHYS: How literal is literal here? 

BEA: He can infiltrate dreams. 

RHYS: Spooky. Wait, can you do that?

BEA: No. 

RHYS: Damn. I was hoping for some sort of cool dream fight where you had to burst in and kick his ass to get him out of my head.

BEA: Yeah, keep dreaming buddy.

RHYS: Yeah, that’s the goal!

GRACE: There were some fun years between 1984-1991, but… time has not softened him. Some vampires lust for blood, others find that need satiated by… other things. Lennox does not want for much other than to retain the status and influence he has gained through years of work. Bloody, bloody work. 

BEA: I get the distinct feeling it was a mistake allowing you to join us tonight, Rhys.

RHYS: Probably! Look, even if you’re right, I still want to come with. I want to see the inner workings of this stuff. What goes down. What the seedy underbelly of the seedy underbelly is like. Just… so full of seeds.

BEA: Do you think a seedy underbelly is like… a poppy seed bagel or something?

RHYS: Is it not? Whatever. I’ll stay out of the way, I’ll take notes. I’m an assistant! They’re to be ignored!

GRACE: I’ll respect your decision even if I also harbour my own doubts in it. My only request is that you please remember that it was your decision. Just in here. [SFX: they enter an office building and walk on marble floors over to a bank of elevators]

BEA: I’m guessing they’re not very public about the… predilections of the leadership.

GRACE: Correct. You don’t bring it up if you don’t have to.

BEA: Makes sense. [SFX: they get on an elevator]

GRACE: Rhys?

RHYS: Yeah?

GRACE: There’s a good chance you won’t be let in or – if they do – that you’ll be kicked out. 

RHYS: Ok, gotcha. 

GRACE: If they ask you to leave, don’t put up a fuss. Let them walk you out, do not say a word.

RHYS: Right on, boss. Lip zipped. [SFX: ding, the door opens]

GRACE: Let’s get this over with. [SFX: they walk over on lovely hardwood floors] Hello. I’m here to see Lennox Marlowe.

NEIL: Do you have an appointment?

GRACE: Tell him Grace Hawthorne is here. 

NEIL: I can pass the message along, but there’s no guarantee-

GRACE: [haughty noise] You really don’t know who I am? 

NEIL: As, I’ve said, I’ll let him know, but-

GRACE: We’ll wait. [SFX: they walk over to a couch and sit down]

RHYS: Hey, Bea.

BEA: Hmm?

RHYS: What do you think is being sold in the vending machine over there?

BEA: Maybe Skittles?

RHYS: Can you make Skittles out of blood?

BEA: Scabbles. 

GRACE: Shh.

RHYS: Sorry, I’m a little nervous.

BEA: Same.

RHYS: Maybe it’ll go fine? 

GRACE: I doubt it.

RHYS: Ah, he’s probably going to be a pain but you can handle it. Meanwhile I’ll be over here being dead weight. 

GRACE: Rethink your phrasing. 

RHYS: Hey, Bea as well. 

BEA: Yes, we’re like two big bags of sand. Ballast, if you will.

GRACE: Don’t make me regret bringing you both.

BEA: To be fair, I feel like it’s a bad idea that I’m here as well but… well, I understand now why you’re so uncomfortable when speaking about him.

GRACE: Having someone in your dreams is invasive in a way that’s hard to explain to those who haven’t experienced it.

BEA: It makes me long for the freedom of the void.  

GRACE: If he wants you badly enough, he’d find you there too.

BEA: Goody. Y’know, being on his radar is… disquieting. It feels like I’m always under surveillance, like someone is behind me just out of sight. I gotta be honest, Grace, I’m a little afraid that we’ll walk away with no answers and a bigger mess on our hands.  

GRACE: Yeah. But I brought you both because…

BEA: Hmm?

GRACE: Because I don’t think either of you are safe alone. I want you where I can see you.  

BEA: Grace, what are we getting ourselves into here?

RHYS: Hey, heads up. [SFX: a pair of large doors open and Lennox walks out]

LENNOX: Grace! And Bea, hello. I’m so glad you two finally responded to my invitation. Or, well, invitations, as it were.

GRACE: Next time consider sending a card. 

LENNOX: You’re here, aren’t you? 

GRACE: You said you wanted to talk. So talk. 

LENNOX: Come, let’s go to my office. Neil, please hold my calls. [SFX: they walk into the office] Come, sit. {SFX: they all sit down] Thank you for finding the time to meet in person, it sounds like your little agency is quite busy these days. And Bea, wonderful to see you again. How’s vampire life treating you? Good? I’m sure Grace has taken you to all of her old hunting grounds. She always did have a taste for brunettes. 

GRACE: I’ve changed my diet, Lenny. I prefer my meals ethically sourced. 

LENNOX: Oh, you don’t really mean that. Ah well, you do go through your phases. It’s quaint. And this is…

GRACE: Rhys. Our assistant.

RHYS: Nice to meet you. [SFX: they shake hands]

LENNOX: Good strong grip on you, Rhys. Huh! [to Grace] I didn’t expect you to bring dinner, although I’m touched that you thought ahead. Is this enough for everyone, you think? 

RHYS: Uh, this was not discussed beforehand.

GRACE: Hands off. He’s not for you to enjoy. 

LENNOX: I’m joking. Age has really tampered your sense of humour. Anyway, very nice of you to bring the whole team. Compact though it may be. Running lean can be nice. Makes you think of the old days. 

GRACE: Enough. Say what you want to say. Unless you summoned us here to passive aggressively critique my business acumen. 

LENNOX: Oh, it’s always business with you. Would you like anything to drink? Coffee? Tea? AB Negative?

GRACE: We’re fine, thanks. 

LENNOX: And you, young man? I have a blood orange San Pell in my fridge, if you’d like. 

RHYS: I’m… I’m fine. 

GRACE: Lenny, we’re here for a reason.

LENNOX: I’m shocked! I assumed you came here to hang out with me. 

GRACE: Stop that. 

LENNOX: So grumpy. What’s wrong? Having trouble sleeping? I can’t believe I made time in my schedule for this if I’m going to get such attitude. [SFX: leans back in his chair] As I’m sure you’re aware, Bea, Grace and I have had a difficult relationship for the past while. But she and I, we’ve been through so much together. We always make it to the other side. Remember that merger back in 1994? Or that bloodbath in 1972? Eesh. I thought you were going to bite my head off, but you came back to me within the month. 

BEA: Are you being literal or figurative about the bloodbath?

GRACE: I’m not in the mood for this. Let’s get down to brass tacks.

LENNOX: Oh good! I’ve been waiting for this. 

GRACE: I will keep this short and simple. I am going to ask you the same thing one last time: What do you know about what happened to Bea? 

LENNOX: Ah, the eternal question. I have been… less than honest with you, Grace. Maybe to save face, maybe out of a kind of fear that you’d never forgive my transgressions, but… well, the outcome has been much different than what any of us ever could have expected.  

GRACE: Let me rephrase the question: why did you hire a revenant to attack Bea?

LENNOX: I want to ask a question first. Bea, how much of Grace’s past has she told you?

GRACE: That’s not what we’re here to talk about-

LENNOX: I wasn’t talking to you. I was talking to Bea. You’re asking your questions. Am I not allowed some as well? My dear, what has she told you? About her past, her life, about our time together?

BEA: Just what I need to know. That’s her prerogative. 

LENNOX: Hm. Did she ever tell you about how we met?

GRACE: Lennox-

LENNOX: Am I speaking to you? It doesn’t look like I am. Allow me to continue. Bea, Grace and I met one fateful night so many years ago. I was young. Brash. Foolish! And she was beautiful. Still is, but that’s besides the point. I needed a partner. Oh, don’t grimace like that Grace, partner can mean so many things. I needed someone who would stand by me. I met her and she was the most… intriguing human. Brash. Headstrong. Brilliant. But unrefined. Struggling. On a knife’s edge. So I got to know her. I gave her what she needed. And I offered her an out from her terrible, no good life. And she took it. A strong woman turned stronger. Yes, I was not always easy to be around. I have my flaws- 

GRACE: That’s one way to say manipulative, controlling, bloodthirsty, asshole-

LENNOX: But she was my right hand for years. I couldn’t do anything without her, nor did I want to. I was wrapped around her finger. She was indispensable. A gift the world had bestowed on me. 

GRACE: I’ve never been a thing to be owned. 

LENNOX: I didn’t own you. I cherished you. And as a result, you became the vampire you are today. Smart. Strong. Brave. Powerful.

GRACE: I am who I am today in spite of you, not because of you. 

LENNOX: Please. You flourished with me! Did she tell you what she was like back then?

GRACE: No, I-

LENNOX: I’m not talking to you! She was ruthless. A hunter, a killer. A gleeful one at that. My knife, slicing through the world. It was wonderful. Together, we made the world bleed. And then, what, Grace, you just decided to throw it all away over a fledgling? 

GRACE: I left because I had to.

LENNOX: You left because of Vivian. Pathetic. [to Bea] You must’ve heard this story? Oh, Grace, you hypocrite.   

GRACE: Enough of this. 

LENNOX: Oh, now it’s enough. You always used to complain that I didn’t tell you things, but this is shocking! Bea, Grace has never been one for… turning others. She’s such a prude in that sense. Vivian was… well, until you, she was the only one Grace ever turned. She was lovely, a songbird of a woman, aflight, aflutter, afloat. She loved her, oh, her love was like a diamond in sunlight – you must know that feeling – but… do you want to know what happened to her?

BEA: It doesn’t seem pertinent at the moment. 

LENNOX: [SFX: gets up, slowly walking over] Oh, it does. Now let me ask you again, girl: Do you want to know what happened to her?

GRACE: Don’t say a word.

LENNOX: [SFX: standing right in front of Bea, he puts a hand on her face] I’m sure Grace has told you that a baby vampire is a delicate balance of fire and fear. Anger, lust, rage, hunger. The hunger! And the desire. Creating a new vampire is… a challenge. There is always the chance that things will go poorly. And if they do, you don’t have many options. 

BEA: I haven’t hurt anyone.

LENNOX: Not yet. Who says you won’t? Vampirism is so dangerous. You never know how it will affect someone until it’s too late.

GRACE: Why are you bringing this up right now? 

LENNOX: BECAUSE YOU HAVE BEEN RUNNING. YOU HAVE BEEN RUNNING FOR YEARS AND YOU END UP ON MY DOORSTEP AGAIN WITH THIS TREMBLING FAWN BY YOUR SIDE. IT IS TIME TO FACE YOUR PAST.

BEA: Enough! Don’t you dare speak to her like that!

LENNOX: I’m sorry, Bea. I didn’t mean to frighten you. My temper gets the best of me sometimes. If you’ll please allow me to continue? Good. Vivian, as I said she was… lovely. But she was human, unaware of the darkness just outside her door. And Grace… offered to turn her. Out of… what reasoning was that, again?

GRACE: She was my friend. I loved her. 

LENNOX: A terrible reason to turn someone. It’s like getting a tattoo of your new boyfriend’s name. Sure, you love each other now while drunk on a beach in Mallorca, but what about in 10 years? Do not turn people for love. I thought you’d learned your lesson. Now, do you want to know what happened?

BEA: Yes.

LENNOX: She was fine at first, but she inherited powers she was not capable of bearing. Vivian, she could see things. And unfortunately, they weren’t nice things. She could see the violence deep within people’s souls. The pain they inflicted on others. The hurt. The blood that spilled at their hands. And it ruined her. Something in her brain… must have snapped. She was uncontrollable. And if you create a vampire who breaks then you must be the one to continue the breaking. Them’s the rules.

BEA: Right. 

LENNOX: You want to know why she was uncontrollable? Because she could see pain everywhere. She would feed not just to please herself, but to end others. To destroy those she thought sinful. She thought she was righteous. She was just a murderous freak. 

GRACE: [to Bea] He made me kill her. 

LENNOX: You made a mistake and you had to fix it, Grace. That’s it. She was a monster of your own making. That puts the onus on you. 

GRACE: I could’ve helped her! I could have taught her control!

LENNOX: No! You tried! And she killed and killed again! Humans, standing outside our door, looking for answers, and that was YOUR FAULT. Sentimentality is a waste of time in this world. Humans die quickly and painfully and you cannot change that! How have you learned so little in so much time?

GRACE: Fuck OFF!

LENNOX: Bea, Grace killed Vivian. I may have asked her to deal with things, but she was the one who destroyed her “beloved friend.” She set her alight and watched her turn to ash. I assumed that would be enough to stop her from ever considering turning another person for love again. For any reason, really. Until you, our little… anomaly. 

BEA: I’m not some blood-crazed nightmare.

LENNOX: And that’s what makes you such a treat! But there’s always time. I’m sure Grace will make the difficult decision if you do anything silly. 

BEA: … would you?

GRACE: …

LENNOX: She definitely thought about it. I’ve seen it in her dreams. 

GRACE: Stay out of my HEAD.

LENNOX: You leave the door wide open, anyone would think you wanted them to poke around! 

BEA: Whatever! I don’t care! I don’t want to live as some rampaging murderer anyway!

LENNOX: You may think that now, but if the bloodlust had taken you… you would have torn Grace’s limbs off to stay alive. 

GRACE: She’s better than that. 

LENNOX: Heard you say that before. It is blind luck that you haven’t had to remove her head from her body yet. You tossed her into the depths and asked her to swim when you never even told her that there was an ocean outside. 

GRACE: Because you were such a nurturing mentor.

LENNOX: I made you with purpose! I planned. I learned everything about you before I turned you. Criticize my practices if you must, but I made you great, because I understood you. Tell me, did you do that with Bea? Or did you create her in a moment of impulsive panic? What’s your plan, Grace? What will you do if your little bird turns out to be yet another failure to launch? 

BEA: You know that I’m right here? I can, in fact, speak for myself.

LENNOX: I apologize, it’s rude of me to not address you directly. Bea, or… do you prefer Beatrice?

BEA: Whatever feels good in your mouth. 

LENNOX: Hm! Bea, let me give you a piece of advice: You have been given a gift. Do not betray it in moments of panic. It will only bring you trouble. 

BEA: Great, I’ll file that somewhere. 

LENNOX: Do with it what you will. You only have to answer to yourself and your creator, whatever that means to you. 

GRACE: Bea, I can-

BEA: We can talk about this later. 

GRACE: Ok. [to Lennox] Enough of this shit. Enough mind games. I left you because this is how you always were. This is how you always treated me, and I am DONE. Why? Why did you send a revenant to kill Bea?

LENNOX: You know, you did always have a soft spot for… 

RHYS: Brunettes?

LENNOX: [a long, hard look at Rhys, like he’s remembering he’s there] I was going to say bleeders, but you’re right, she does also tend to favour those with darker hair. 

GRACE: Answer my question NOW.

LENNOX: Calm down! We’re getting there. Although, I thought you would’ve figured it out yourself by now, what kind of a detective are you?  

BEA: Enough of this. I came here for answers. I have been hurt, I have been torn open, I have been reborn anew, and the only thing left for me to ask is why. I am sitting here in front of you, Lennox, you got what you wanted. Now, answer me that.

LENNOX: I’m starting to understand what you see in her. Sentimentality is a weakness, especially for vampires. You have an eternity to live and love and lose – and if you choose to love too strongly, it can poison you. Grace, I know our relationship has been complicated. We’re both strong personalities! And I know after our last tiff you said that you didn’t want to hear from me. And I’ve respected that. But I’ve wanted to know how you’ve been doing for years. And I worry, my dear. I worry about you. I know that you have no interest in vampire society, but I fear that you’ve become too… isolated. Now, this is bordering on a sentimentality of my own but hear me out: A vampire that loves too deeply is dangerous. So I watched. I watched you, and at first, I saw that you were doing fine. You were fine! And I was at ease until I could see you starting to focus on your new… your new friend. You watched her. You cared for her. And I could see in your eyes the same smouldering fire that led you to Vivian. And I remembered the death and destruction that wrought. I didn’t want that for you. Not again. You may hate me for it, but I will always look out for you. 

BEA: There is so much to unpack here. 

LENNOX: I did what I had to do, Grace, because I want only the best for you. You were so attached to this poor human. Someday, she would age. She would get sick. She would fade. She would leave. And you would be alone again. A vampire’s attachment can run long, long into the future. Loving a human is like trying to love a flower. They die so soon. I just sped things up. For you. It was all for you. 

GRACE: You hired someone to kill Bea because… I cared about her?

BEA: What the FUCK-

LENNOX: I wanted to remind you of the fragility of humanity. That people are not worth getting attached to. People are food. 

BEA: You absolute motherfucker-

LENNOX: Language, good god. Why are you mad? You’re not even dead!

BEA: LOOK AT ME. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?

LENNOX: You came out the other side in the best way! Stronger, better, powerful. Don’t get pissy with me about it!

BEA: YOU HAD SOMEONE TRY TO KILL ME.

GRACE: What did you think was going to happen!? 

LENNOX: I didn’t think you’d do this! I didn’t even think you could! Mind you, I don’t think that was such a bad idea for many reasons, but that’s not important right now. 

GRACE: We’re leaving.

LENNOX: You are not. 

GRACE: Yes we are!

LENNOX: SIT DOWN. {SFX: Rhys crumples to the ground, Bea and Grace sit uncomfortably, forced] Sorry, I forgot there was a human in the room. 

RHYS: [from the floor] That’s cool, I’m fine.

BEA: You’re a terrible host!

GRACE: [SFX: struggles a bit, trying to get up] This is a dick move. Even for you. Lift the compulsion. 

LENNOX: We have a conversation to finish. 

GRACE: Perhaps we do. After you lift the compulsion. 

LENNOX: Do you promise to be a good girl and speak with me respectfully if I do? 

GRACE: Do you promise to answer a few more questions without being a complete asshole? 

BEA: Stop this. 

LENNOX: Make me. 

BEA: [SFX: magic pushing back] LET US WALK AWAY. 

LENNOX: Oh, that’s adorable! Grace, did you feel that? Sweet, little Bea. Alright, maybe I was a little too harsh. [SFX: undoes the compulsion]

RHYS: [SFX: getting up] I… didn’t like that at all. 

GRACE: Where is Vander?

LENNOX: Oh, god, him.

BEA: What are you being so dismissive? You hired him!

LENNOX: I hired him to kill a human, I didn’t hire him to kill a vampire. But that’s on me, should’ve been more specific. Revenants, they’re incredibly effective but so literal. I said to kill Bea but even after you were turned he still had to “finish the job.” Waste of my time and money at that point.

GRACE: Where is he?

LENNOX: [SFX: he opens a desk drawer and tosses a ziploc bag full of dust onto the table] Here. Yell at this.

BEA: A bag of dust? [SFX: picks it up]

GRACE: What the hell is this? 

LENNOX: It’s Vander. He stopped serving a useful purpose, so I had him dealt with. Revenants, at the very least, are compact in death.

BEA: Oh [SFX: drops it], gross.

GRACE: So you killed him too.

LENNOX: I mean, he was already technically dead. He’s been dead for ages. 

BEA: I can’t say that I’m mad that you did this but also… what the fuck?

LENNOX: You could try to show a little bit of gratitude. The two of you, I swear.

BEA: I just…

LENNOX: You want revenge? You wanted answers? The answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind. … He’s dust, it’s dust in the wind. Do you not listen to classic rock?

BEA: But… he had me in his sights, I was right there, right in front of him in the comedy club. So if he was so dead set on it, why didn’t he finish the job?

GRACE: Because I was there. 

LENNOX: Ah ha! Now I’m seeing the deductive skills poke through.

GRACE: You told him that he was not to hurt me. That’s why he checked to make sure I wasn’t there before the initial attack. That’s why he ran in the comedy club.

LENNOX: At least he followed one directive correctly. 

BEA: You really thought I was that much of a threat?

LENNOX: You’ve become many things, I’ll give you that. 

GRACE: This conversation is over. We got what we came for, so I’m done. I’m done with this, I’m done with you-

LENNOX: Grace, sit back down! I’m… sorry. I didn’t mean to lose my temper and use my powers on you. I know you hate it when I do that. Besides, I’d like to offer you something. 

GRACE: I am not interested.

LENNOX: Please, hear me out. It would be in your best interest if you did. I’d rather do it here than while you’re sleeping, I’ll say that much. It’s… of great importance to me. 

GRACE: Bea, Rhys? Can you leave us for a moment?

LENNOX: Bea, I would prefer that you stayed. Hm. Rhys, I’m going to ask you to leave. Give us some privacy. Feels a little too… lively in here. 

RHYS: I’m being quiet.

LENNOX: That’s not what I meant. I can hear your heart beating. It’s… distracting. Oh, and now it’s speeding up! How cute. You must like me. 

GRACE: Rhys, go. 

RHYS: Uh, yeah, I’ll go wait in the lobby. 

LENNOX: That would be nice. Neil will see to you. Tell him that I sent you. 

RHYS: … Ok. [SFX: he leaves]

GRACE: Don’t do what you’re thinking-

LENNOX: Oh, don’t worry. I’m not doing anything. 

GRACE: That’s what bothers me. 

LENNOX: Hm. Well, where were we?

GRACE: You had an offer. 

LENNOX: Yes. Yes! Now, I know this conversation has been tense… 

BEA: Just a little.

LENNOX: But… It’s time. I’d like you to come back and work here. 

GRACE: What?

BEA: What?

LENNOX: Look, things have been getting increasingly troubling out there. There are attacks; on vampires, on other beings. You clearly don’t have a safe space if what happened to Bea can happen so blatantly. But here, you can be safe again. Bring Bea with you! You can train her the proper way. It’ll be great! 

GRACE: You’re joking.

LENNOX: No, this is a joke. Knock knock.

GRACE: You know how I feel about comedy. 

LENNOX: I’m trying to lighten the mood! 

GRACE: I’m not coming back to work.

LENNOX: Why not?

GRACE: I have my own life! I don’t need you meddling in it again! 

LENNOX: I know, and clearly it’s going so well.

GRACE: Maybe it would be going better if you stopped fucking with me. 

LENNOX: I may have overstepped a boundary but things all worked out! You’d be earning more money, the hours would be better, like I said, you would be safe here. Honestly! While I am aware of the strain on our relationship, I think we do much better together than apart. You challenge me and I like that! I would love to have you back, Grace. I still think of you as my partner. My companion. My friend. [SFX: a knock at another door, a person enters] I’m clearly busy. 

HOLLIS: Grace. 

GRACE: Hollis. Been a while. Didn’t expect to see you here right now.

HOLLIS: It’s my business as well, you know.

GRACE: Since when did you spend time in the office? I thought you were more into field work? 

HOLLIS: I’m where I need to be. [to Bea] Hello again.

BEA: Hi creepy new friend. How’s the creepiness?

HOLLIS: [to Lennox] Did she take the offer?

LENNOX: Ah, not yet. 

HOLLIS: I told you.

GRACE: Oh, don’t bring Hollis into this too.

HOLLIS: I’m not bringing just anyone into a senior position, even if they have a past here. This isn’t a charity. I’m not even sure about Bea. She’s… repressed.

BEA: Oh, not this again. 

HOLLIS: Oh shut up, you shouldn’t even exist.

BEA: What is that supposed to mean?

GRACE: What are you talking about? 

HOLLIS: You are so out of touch. With us, with everything. And you expect to survive? 

LENNOX: You’re not helping.

HOLLIS: Was I supposed to be?

LENNOX: Out, now. 

HOLLIS: Fine. Grace. Bea. I’m sure I’ll see you around. 

BEA: I’m not holding my breath. [SFX: Hollis touches Bea’s shoulder and Bea sees something. She inhales sharply, surprised] What did you do?

HOLLIS: Oh, this is fun! Touch-based power? I like that. 

BEA: What did you do? 

GRACE: What’s wrong?

BEA: Where is Rhys?

GRACE: What did you see when you touched Hollis?

BEA: It was flashes but… I saw… I saw Rhys going down the stairs over there. And then… just… light. Pain.

HOLLIS: Oh, that’s interesting. Tell me more.

BEA: Tell me where he is!

HOLLIS: He’s fine. I was escorting him to the lobby. 

LENNOX: Hollis, I would ask that you reassure everyone that you didn’t kill their assistant. 

HOLLIS: I swear on my life!

BEA: That’s not enough. Where is he?

HOLLIS: As I said, I walked him out.

LENNOX: And you’ll walk yourself out now. Go!

HOLLIS: Grace always gets you so worked up. Have a nice night, everyone. [SFX: they leave and the door closes]

BEA: [SFX: she gets up quickly] I’m going to find Rhys. Lennox, thank you for nothing. 

LENNOX: Harsh, but fair. [SFX: Bea walks out. To Grace, quietly] You know, of anyone you could’ve turned, you could’ve considered someone more agreeable.

BEA: I’m a catch! [SFX: door slams, Grace goes to get up, Lennox stops her]

LENNOX: Let her go. I promise you, no harm will come to Bea tonight. 

GRACE: I’m not coming back. 

LENNOX: I would have been disappointed in you if you’d accepted the first offer. Sleep on it. 

GRACE: The answer is NO. Today, tomorrow, forever. 

LENNOX: Grace-

GRACE: I don’t need you!

LENNOX: [SFX: slamming hand on table] I MADE you! From your rebirth in darkness to the money and power you carry in your hands right now, I made you. In the most literal sense of that word, you insolent child! 

GRACE: Do not speak to me like that!  

LENNOX: This whole Bea thing… I didn’t mean for this to cause such… turmoil inside you. I am sorry for that. I just didn’t want you to suffer the same way you did with poor Vivian. 

GRACE: You were the cause of that suffering! You made all of this happen! 

LENNOX: She died because of YOU. You’re so much bigger than some human! Why focus so much energy on these girls when there is a whole beautiful world out there for your taking? We can be so much bigger than that. Why are you choosing her?

GRACE: You don’t get to make these choices for me!

LENNOX: I would never presume to make a choice for you, my dear! I was just giving you a nudge. Hoping you would figure some things out! That’s what I’m here for. 

GRACE: [SFX: standing up] If you ever come near Bea again, I will drain you. 

LENNOX: Is that a threat? You think you can intimidate me?

GRACE: I will do whatever I please- 

LENNOX: I DID NOT SAY YOU COULD SPEAK. SIT DOWN. [SFX: Grace is slammed back down into the chair] I’ll tell you when you get to leave or else I will make the bones in your legs turn to DUST. I gave you the answers you wanted! I gave you forgiveness for your transgressions-  

GRACE: I don’t want your fucking forgiveness! 

LENNOX: I graciously offered to let you back into our fold and you throw it back in my face? I have been keeping tabs on you for YEARS, Grace! YEARS. Making sure you are SAFE. Making sure you don’t head down dark paths. And you’re off, what, palling around with humans and playing detective? I am owed, at the very least, an apology for the sheer INSOLENCE you’ve shown me tonight! 

GRACE: No. 

LENNOX: No? [chuckles] No, no, she says no! I’LL TELL YOU WHEN YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY NO. 

GRACE: I’M SAYING NO. [SFX: she pushes back with powers of her own] 

what is it that you want so badly? is it just me? or is it something more? 

LENNOX: Oh, no, you don’t get to do this to me now. 

GRACE: what more could you want? what more should I make you want? maybe you want to let me leave. maybe you want to tear out your own heart. 

[SFX: the magic crescendos and then falls away as Lennox sits there panting]

LENNOX: You’ve grown. I’m proud of you. Still not strong enough, though. You’re rusty. 

GRACE: I’m just reminding you that there’s a reason I used to be called your knife. You know, you’re losing your touch. That compulsion wasn’t near strong enough to fully hold me, Lenny. 

LENNOX: You call me that one more time and I’ll have your head on a pike! 

GRACE: It’s not the 18th century anymore, Lennox, unless you’ve given up all sense of propriety. 

LENNOX: Fine! You’ve proved your point. Look, my dear-

GRACE: [scoffs] 

LENNOX: You know what? Fine! Go home! Go and work on your stupid little cases with your stupid little friends but know this: if something goes wrong, if there’s an issue, if you need a bailout, if you ever need help, don’t come crawling to me. If I see you on my doorstep, well, I can’t say that what will happen next will be of any benefit to you. 

GRACE: That’s fine with me. I’ll just collect my “little friends” and go. 

LENNOX: Oh, about that. You’ve been away from here for far too long, you know the rules.

GRACE: What “rules”?

LENNOX: You don’t bring humans in here. “No bleeders, no breathers” as the staff so ineloquently puts it.

GRACE: So what? You kick him out like everyone else, that’s not new. What, did you send him out the back entrance to pick his way out through the dumpsters?

LENNOX: Oh, you have been gone too long. The rules have changed. Kicking humans out just means there’s someone who knows too much about this place. It’s not a TV show, I can’t bonk them on the head and give them convenient amnesia! 

GRACE: You didn’t.

LENNOX: I mean, I didn’t do anything.

GRACE: Where’s Rhys?

LENNOX: That is the question, isn’t it? You know what? I was just going to have him kicked out onto the street like the trash he is so that you could deal with him, but I think I need to drive home a point. [SFX: he presses a call button] Neil?

NEIL: [speaker] Yes?

LENNOX: May I ask where you are?

NEIL: [speaker] Stairwell D, sir. [SFX: a groan of pain from Rhys]

LENNOX: Ah. Please dispose of the man who’s with you.

NEIL: [speaker] Full or partial, sir?

GRACE: Lennox, don’t you DARE.

LENNOX: Full, please. And have fun. 

GRACE: Lennox, you CALL HIM OFF NOW.

LENNOX: You brought a human in here, that’s not allowed. I can’t forgive every transgression of yours!

GRACE: [SFX: standing up quickly] If you dare to-

LENNOX: [SFX: forceful magic crackles] IF I DARE TO WHAT? ON YOUR KNEES. [SFX: Grace collapses painfully to the floor] Losing my touch, am I? 

GRACE: Why are you doing this? 

LENNOX: Do you know what she is? Bea?

GRACE: If you tell me she’s the fucking chosen one-

LENNOX: Hah! I wish! A bringer of light to heal our world. No, that’s for children’s books. You made a vampire.

GRACE: And?

LENNOX: And you’re not treating this with the gravity it requires. 

GRACE: There are lots of vampires! You created me. 

LENNOX: Yes, but when was the last time you heard of a new one?

GRACE: What, has the birth rate dropped?

LENNOX: [SFX: the magic is rescinded] … Wow, I’m speechless. For once, totally speechless.

GRACE: I don’t know what you’re talking about! 

LENNOX: You’ve really dropped the ball by completely shunning our kind. There hasn’t been a new vampire in years, Grace. I don’t remember the last one who was created. I thought it was a fluke but… no one can. I have been searching, every contact, every connection, and it’s the same everywhere. The well has run dry. We are… an endangered species. But… well, looks like you might be the last drop of life we have left. 

GRACE: … You’re lying. You’re lying! There have to be others. You’ve changed many people! 

LENNOX: Yes, ages ago! You know when the last time I created a new vampire was? 30 years ago. I’ve tried, believe me, but it’s a dead zone out there. I have been looking for years to find someone, anyone who can still create new vampires and it turns out that, of all people, it’s you. 

GRACE: No fucking way.

LENNOX: Yes fucking way, do you hear yourself speak? You’ve been hanging around the young too long, good lord! you might be the last bloodline, Grace. 

GRACE: I…

LENNOX: Ooh! Better not make that public. It’ll put a price on your head. 

GRACE: … shit. 

LENNOX: Yeah. Good luck with that.

GRACE: … that was you who hired the Maestro. That’s why Vander was there.

LENNOX: I only wanted to find a way to fix this. I’m willing to try anything, I really am. I honestly thought he was a better alchemist than he turned out to be. But… ah, you’ve always had terrible taste in men. I didn’t expect Vander to toy with him so much, though. Again, good help, increasingly difficult to find.

GRACE: Why try to kill him?

LENNOX: I didn’t want to! He’s a useful idiot, the best kind of idiot! But Vander… aggressive idiot, that one. Sets him up for failure. I wanted to nose back, but not like that. Nevertheless, I’m sorry about your lost paramour. [SFX: slowly walking towards her] Speaking of lovers, I have my own question for you. [SFX: Grace lets out a small noise as he tightly grips her face] Ah! Don’t worry. I won’t hurt you. [SFX: touching her cheek gently] My precious Grace. I only wanted to protect you. Now, tell me, do you think Bea might carry any of your talents?

GRACE: … Oh no. 

LENNOX: Find your sweet Bea, Grace. Keep her safe. She’s a rare flower. Who knows what hand will try to pluck her?

 

[SFX: transition, backing up in time. Bea pushes through the heavy doors and catches up to Hollis]

BEA: Hey! [SFX: grabs them]

HOLLIS: Whoa, this shirt is silk. At least moisturize your hands if you’re going to touch me.

BEA: What did you do to Rhys?

HOLLIS: Nothing. No blood on me. 

BEA: I saw you–

HOLLIS: You saw. Hmm. You know, it’s generally a bad idea to go publicizing your abilities. Great way to have other vampires go, “Huh, seems neat. I’d like a little of that.” Next thing you know, you’re getting your head taken off with a Sawzall. That’s unpleasant. 

BEA: If you hurt him, if he’s not ok-

HOLLIS: You’ll what? Ah, see, now you’re learning. Somewhere in your brain you’re thinking ah, but what can they do? What if they can see my thoughts? Or change them? Or take them away? 

BEA: If you want to stare me down and threaten me then go ahead. If you want to show off what you can do then do it. 

HOLLIS: Should I?

BEA: You won’t.

HOLLIS: Why not?

BEA: Because you don’t know what else I can do. Because you’ve had the chance over and over again but haven’t touched me. Because you don’t seem like the type who wants to get your hands dirty. Now tell me, where is Rhys?

HOLLIS: I told you, I didn’t kill him.

BEA: That’s not what I’m asking. 

HOLLIS: Smart. I gave him a little push. And then maybe I gave him a little shove. Down some stairs. And then like you said, I’m not one for getting my hands dirty. [SFX: a scream from somewhere else in the building] Neil, on the other hand, well he’s a real bastard.

BEA: Rhys! [SFX: There’s another scream from Rhys and Bea takes off running. She runs for a bit down some stairs until she finds an open door. Inside is Rhys, basically dead]

NEIL: Fuck off, newbie! This is my kill. Lennox didn’t tell me to share- 

BEA: YOU GET AWAY FROM HIM. [SFX: she lashes out and crushes his head against the wall with a sickening crunch]

RHYS: [wet weak coughing]

BEA: Oh no, fuck, oh noooo… why does this feel familiar? Oh… ok, uh… oh Rhys, hang on, I’m going to call an ambulance and… oh my god [SFX: crouching down beside him]-

RHYS: they won’t get here in time

BEA: Maybe they will! Shit, shit shit shit-

RHYS: at least I got to have some fun earlier

BEA: Rhys!!

RHYS: probably should’ve kept the blood, might’ve helped

BEA: Goddamnit. No, no, fuck-

RHYS: it’s fine, i would’ve wasted it anyway

BEA: Shut up, shut up, I’m going to call… I’ll go get Grace, I’ll… I’ll…

RHYS: bea?

BEA: Rhys… I…

RHYS: do it

BEA: What?

RHYS: I know what you’re thinking. 

BEA: Oh, oh no, Rhys, no, you don’t want this.

RHYS: what other option do you have

BEA: … no, no. No! [SFX: blood pounding in ears] Shit, I can’t be here, I can’t… oh my god, there’s too much blood and I-… 

RHYS: [weak cough]

BEA: I could just tear you apart. 

RHYS: that’s so shitty

BEA: Fuck! No, no, I’m going to go get help-

RHYS: well make your choice because good food shouldn’t go to waste

BEA: God, fuck! 

RHYS: I’m a real snack, huh

BEA: Shut up.

RHYS: Bea, I know [coughs]… I know this is scary

BEA: Why are you comforting me? 

RHYS: You want to switch places?

BEA: Feels like I should.

RHYS: go ahead

BEA: Rhys, I know this is scary-

RHYS: copy cat

BEA: … Are you sure?

RHYS: yes

BEA: You can never go back.

RHYS: why would I want to?

BEA: [SFX: heart beating sound] Ok. Ok. Ok. [a pause, and then a sigh, it could be snack time! Or… something more] I hate how delicious you look right now. [SFX: a breath and a sigh]

[end]

 

Credits

Featuring the voices of:

Emily Kellogg as Grace
Rob Deobald as Lennox
Alex Nursall as Bea
Ian Boddy as Rhys
J Strautman as Hollis
and Shaun Oldfield as Neil

Woodbine is an original podcast created, written, and produced by Emily Kellogg and Alex Nursall
Showrunning and direction by Alex Nursall
Production and promotion by Emily Kellogg
Engineering and sound design by Ian Boddy
Theme by Phil Wright
Music by Phil Wright and Ian Boddy
Recorded at Pirate Sound
Artwork by Andy Kelly
Distributed by Realm