Woodbine

Summary

Hello, and welcome.

Here at Emiel, we like to think of ourselves as a community. A family, even. One not tied through blood – although that is a part of it, in a sense – but through a shared commitment. You help each other. You support each other. You stand by each other. That is how things work here. At the very least, it is the environment we hope to foster. Through hard work, the tireless efforts of our board of directors, and the dedication of our staff, we have grown from a small office in what is now Deer Park to a multi-faceted conglomerate with an ever-widening and diversifying portfolio.

If you are lucky, you can become a part of it. Come, there is much to learn.

Season 2 of Woodbine arrives September 24th, 2025.

Content Warnings: N/A

Transcript

“EMIEL NEW EMPLOYEE WELCOME VIDEO (MARCH 2024)”

[SFX: a VHS tape being put into a player. Stock music plays]

HOLLIS: Hello, and welcome to Emiel Holdings. As a new employee, this is a crash course on what to expect moving forward, if you continue your journey with us. We certainly hope you do.

The employee trainer assigned to you will take you through the more specific aspects of your job, but for now, I am here to give insight in to some of the more general aspects of the history and daily goings-on at Emiel. My name is Hollis Udell and I am the General Director, along with overseeing our various remote teams. You may not see me around much, but let me be the first to offer how glad we are to have you here today.

Emiel was founded in- [SFX: fast-forwarding]. In 1974, current CEO Lennox Marlowe- [SFX: fast-forwarding]. Stock prices since then have- [SFX: fast-forwarding] -one of the most state of the art cafeterias in Canada, including a full-service blood bar with nearly 30 blood types on offer.

We are an ADA compliant company, so please do not hesitate to speak to our HR department if you need any sort of accommodations. We also offer time off on full moons, full access to the deep-water pools for those employees needing aquatic access, and varying degrees of quiet rooms for all cryptid and cryptid-adjacent staff and contractors. Whether you need to make a phone call in private or escape the sound of the outside world entirely, you can find many options on floor B2.

Our benefits package is one of the most comprehensive in the industry, with access to referrals for nearly any condition. We are also the only company in North America with manticore-level dental access. All paperwork will be given to you by our head of HR after your orientation.

We here at Emiel care for our employees, and we are a community within a community. Now, a word from our CEO: [SFX: static, as if this part of the video is damaged]. Thank you, Lennox. What wonderful words.

Your key card will be activated at the end of the day if the rest of your orientation goes well. After that, you will have access to the floors selected for you. We look forward to seeing you for the first time at our monthly All Bats meeting held in the Bob Dracula Hall, located on the 21st floor. Thank you for joining us here at one of Canada’s most prestigious and highly awarded vampire-run companies. For now, I will let you continue your first day. I’m sure it will be a good one.

[SFX: video stops. Bea sighs]

BEA: What was the point of me watching this? Just let me get to work. [SFX: getting up from a chair and walking away] 

From the creators of Parkdale Haunt comes Woodbine, a podcast about monsters, dreams, and changes – those you want, and those you never saw coming. Season two arrives September 24th, distributed by Realm.

Credits

Woodbine is an original podcast created, written, and produced by Emily Kellogg and Alex Nursall
Showrunning and direction by Alex Nursall
Production and promotion by Emily Kellogg
Engineering and sound design by Ian Boddy
Theme by Phil Wright
Music by Phil Wright and Ian Boddy
Recorded at Pirate Sound
Artwork by Andy Kelly
Distributed by Realm