08: BUCKEYE
Summary
The past will always find its way back to you, whether it is the distant or the recent. It comes back with claws, ready to pull you into its embrace. You can’t escape the violence that made you. It will always find a way to hook itself into your skin, burrow under, and then wait until you think you’re safe.
The past Grace has been running from is catching up. The past Bea is searching for is coming for her. And Rhys continues to just have a good time, everyone else be damned.
Content Warnings: violence
Transcript
[SFX: office, quiet typing from Bea]
BEA_NARRATION: I can feel eyes on me.
BEA: Stop staring.
RHYS: I’m trying. [SFX: typing continues]
BEA: I said stop staring.
RHYS: Ok, I’ll look at the ground! [SFX: scoots chair away]
BEA: What do you want, Rhys?
RHYS: [SFX: chair scoots back] Ok, I have questions. About the whole… vampire… thing.
BEA: I assumed.
RHYS: Mind if I… pry a little? Get some insider knowledge?
BEA: Don’t make this weird.
RHYS: I need to know if I’m at risk here! You would too if you found out you were in the Goosebumps book Help! My Coworker is a Vampire!
BEA: Don’t you think I already experienced that?
RHYS: … Wait, wait, did Grace… turn you?
BEA: Yes, it’s part of our extended health benefits.
RHYS: See now I DEFINITELY have to make sure that I have a note in my contract that prevents that, at least… y’know, without my prior consent.
BEA: Rhys, if you have questions, I recommend you start asking them now before I lodge an HR complaint.
RHYS: I think it’s completely reasonable to ask for you to promise that I won’t end up like a Capri Sun.
BEA: RHYS.
RHYS: Ok, ok, fine. I’ll start easy. Can you go out in the sun? Like, full sun?
BEA: Only when completely covered up or else it really hurts.
RHYS: Will a stake through the heart kill you?
BEA: That kills everyone.
RHYS: Do you drink blood?
BEA: Yes.
RHYS: Like from living people?
BEA: Sure.
RHYS: Does that kill them?
BEA: No, not if… not if I’m gonna do it.
RHYS: Would you drink my blood?
BEA: Are you offering?
RHYS: I mean, maybe? Would it feel good?
BEA: I don’t know.
RHYS: Do you age?
BEA: Not really.
RHYS: Do you sleep?
BEA: Yes.
RHYS: Can you have kids?
BEA: Are you offering?!
RHYS: I don’t know! Let’s start with the blood drinking and go from there!
BEA: [SFX: closes laptop] You want to be an afternoon snack?
RHYS: Uh, I think that I’d… I’m probably low in iron.
BEA: Never bothered me.
RHYS: [SFX: chair still backing up] I have a family history of high cholesterol.
BEA: I’ll be sure to pop a statin afterwards. Come here…
RHYS: [SFX: tries to back the chair up but the chair tips over and he goes ass over head onto the ground] I WILL COMPLAIN TO GRACE IF YOU EAT ME!
BEA: Rhys, relax, I’m not going to eat you. Come on, let me help you up. [SFX: she helps him up] See? I’m not going to chew your neck off.
RHYS: I guess. Has there ever been a time when you wanted to bite me?
BEA: Yes, that first day when we worked together.
RHYS: Huh, I thought you looked sweaty that day.
BEA: You are still in your probationary period.
RHYS: I’m kidding. You don’t sweat. You glow. Like… moonlight on silk.
BEA: Thank you. Now either sprinkle some seasoning salt on your neck or get out of here, I have some things to do.
RHYS: Alright, alright. [SFX: he pushes his chair back over to his desk, Bea goes back to typing]
BEA_NARRATION: My mom keeps calling. I keep answering, but there is this incredible dread in the back of my mind that keeps pushing forward, hands on my amygdala that make it feel like it’s being crushed. One of these days she’s going to look at me and go, “Wow, you haven’t aged at all.” What do I say then? How do I tell her? Do I just hope she never notices? Do I go and disappear?
I can’t think about it. I don’t want to think about it. [SFX: the buzzing of a phone ringing comes into auditory focus]
RHYS: Bea?
BEA: Hmm?
RHYS: You going to get that?
BEA: Oh. [SFX: picks up phone]
BEA_NARRATION: Please don’t be my mum, please don’t be my mum…
BEA: Woodbine Agency, this is Bea. … I’m sorry, can you repeat that?
[SFX: transition, walking down the Danforth at night]
BEA_NARRATION: Grace has finally heard back from The Maestro, and it’s not good. Normally she would deal with this herself, but she’s got another meeting that she’s being very cryptic about of course, and she’s also chasing a lead on my stabbing case. We’ve been coming up on dead ends – there’s just so little to go off of: broken memories, a vision, a smell, that smell. I’ve been walking around department stores as of late in the cosmetics section at closing, trying to figure out what it is, because it’s… familiar. It’s heavy and reminds me of locker rooms and high school dances and boys masking their musk with perfumes and deodorant. The kind of scent you use to hide the smell of your body. I’ve been trying to describe this to her but… it’s hard. Like trying to explain a colour you see so clearly in your mind but nowhere else. So I walk through stores and malls and any place where I can check bottle after bottle for that scent. I don’t know how it’s going to help. But I need to find something, anything, to bring me closer to this person.
I don’t know what I’ll do when I find them. [SFX: she arrives outside the comedy club and walks in]
The comedy club is empty. Looking around, I don’t think anyone has touched it since the night that we had to deal with Travis. I can see specks of blood still on the stage, dried and brown. Chairs tossed everywhere. Beer, flat and stale in glasses, half drunk, forgotten. The outer door to the Maestro’s lair… open.
He called us. I guess I should go see him. [SFX: quiet walking down the long hallway]
The hallway is different. Dark. Without the noise of the comedy club, the place feels upsettingly silent. The arms that held the lights on the walls are slack against the brickwork. I don’t know if they are dead. I don’t know if they were ever technically alive. But I do not want to touch them. The door to the Maestro’s office at the far end of the hallway is slightly ajar and dented, as though it’s been kicked over and over and over again. Inside… it’s been completely trashed. Lights broken. A single lamp illuminates the broken glass that litters the floor.
BEA: [SFX: opening the door a little and walking in] Hello?
THE MAESTRO: Stay back! If you’ve come back to befoul this place more then I will tell you that there is nothing left to ruin. Nothing left…
BEA: [SFX: walking in on the broken bits of glass] It’s me, it’s Bea.
THE MAESTRO: Bea… is… is Grace with you?
BEA: She couldn’t make it, she’s on another case right now. You said come immediately-
THE MAESTRO: I have made a terrible mistake! A blunder! I have made a fool of myself! I have done… terrible things.
BEA: Uh… is this a confession? Also, where have you been?
THE MAESTRO: [SFX: walking towards her slowly, through bits of broken glass] I made a deal with the devil, my dear. And I have paid… greatly for it.
BEA_NARRATION: In the dim light, an indistinct shape at his feet comes into focus. On the floor… a mass of tissue, pulverised. My first thought is of defrosted sweetbreads, pink and glistening on a plate, but before I can linger on that for too long, a horrible realisation comes upon me. It’s Desdemona, bashed into a paste on the ground. The compound that once held her is nothing more than a damp stain on the rug, acid etching the hardwood where it splattered.
THE MAESTRO: My love, my brilliant love…
BEA: What happened here? Who did this?
THE MAESTRO: That nose, that curséd nose…
BEA_NARRATION: I don’t like being here. The violence is too fresh. The smell of the flesh on the ground fills me with an uncomfortable, nauseating hunger.
THE MAESTRO: I… I have always been an antiquarian. I collect items that others might find… distasteful. Uninteresting. But I have always been discerning in my collection. Never anything harmful. Never anything dangerous to myself or my own! But…
BEA: The nose?
THE MAESTRO: I’d heard stories, I’d heard tales of this item that doomed collectors, destroyed circuses, everything it touched, it brought pain and yet… I found myself looking upon it. Brought to me as… as a gift. As a token. As a price. I knew it was a bad idea to even consider taking it but… My sick, twisted hubris. I thought I was untouchable. And that if I kept it safe, I would be safe as well.
BEA: Why take it in the first place?
THE MAESTRO: Why buy a painting? Why put a priceless statue in your house? It is a symbol of stature. Owning it put me in a rarefied strata. A collector who had the rarest, most dangerous item, mere inches from the tip of my nose. Glorious! It’s not about using it. It’s about possession.
BEA: So why would someone just give it to you?
THE MAESTRO: I am more than just a… mere magician. Yes, I am a conjurer of the highest degree, but… My pool of knowledge is much vaster than a simple sleight of hand. I am a dabbler in many things. Did you know that I created the liquid my… beloved Desdemona floated in? I crafted that using a blend of chemicals only my mind could even begin to combine, and it not only gave her a true quality of life improvement, it made her smarter. Stronger. I… am an alchemist, my dear.
BEA: Alright.
THE MAESTRO: … And that doesn’t… fill you with wonder?!
BEA: I mean, maybe it will if you explain yourself more. Can you turn stuff into gold?
THE MAESTRO: Riches! That’s all people look to when they find out the true breadth of my intellect. It’s much more than that.
BEA: So you can’t.
THE MAESTRO: Believe me, I’ve tried. But… I was asked to… create a custom blend that would do something… diabolical.
BEA: Like a death potion?
THE MAESTRO: No. Life… to death… to unlife. A potion to… create vampires.
BEA: Oh, uh… ok, that sounds like something you can do the… old fashioned way.
THE MAESTRO: I don’t ask why one would want this, I just know that they did.
BEA: Who’s they?
THE MAESTRO: I was hired by a man. He… only gave a first name. Vander.
BEA: That better not be a vampire accent joke.
THE MAESTRO: I assure you it is not. That’s all he told me. Vander. He was… hired to speak to me. To create something that would create new vampires.
BEA: That’s incredibly weird.
THE MAESTRO: I thought that, but… he offered the nose as collateral, said that if I completed it that I could have it and so much more, and now… hubris, hubris!
BEA: He came back for it?
THE MAESTRO: He wasn’t happy that I hadn’t finished. That there were problems. That it was a difficult ask! I couldn’t believe that it was gone, though. I thought it was safe here. I thought I was safe too… but my systems, bypassed. Small things may go missing but never anything large until now. Small things are casual negligence. A large thing… theft. Betrayal. Hubris.
BEA_NARRATION: He collapses back into his chair, not looking at the pile of goo that used to be his lover. The smell is awful, chemical and cloying, fake flowers over formaldehyde over metal salts. Ferrous. Bitter.
THE MAESTRO: So… I panicked. I hid. I did not want to be found by the man who had originally come to me. But… ah, a fool to the very end. I came back. I came back to see if I could at least finish my work. If I could… grab a few things. But… he must have followed me. Or been waiting. I should have known. It felt… wrong when I entered. The space was wrong. It looked wrong. It smelled wrong.
BEA: Sorry, what did he smell like?
THE MAESTRO: What?
BEA: The man who came. Smell! What did he smell like!
THE MAESTRO: I don’t know, what am I, some sort of… perfumer?
BEA: No, you look like a man backed against a wall.
THE MAESTRO: You would be as well if you were faced with someone bristling as much as you are!
BEA_NARRATION: I realise that I’m coming off sharp, harsh. I can feel my teeth like needles in my mouth and that will not help.
BEA: I’m sorry. You said there was a smell, did he smell like anything? A shampoo, a cologne-
THE MAESTRO: A… a heavy cologne. Not in depth, just in that he was wearing too much.
BEA: Did it remind you of the sea?
THE MAESTRO: It reminded me of my youth. I know the scent well. Deep Waters. A cheap cologne. A boyish scent.
BEA: My high school boyfriend… that’s what he wore.
THE MAESTRO: Yes, I’m sure you’re aware of it. [SFX: she sits down] Are you alright?
BEA_NARRATION: Heavy, thick in the air, sprayed by teenage boys to cover the scent of their sweat. Gifts at Christmas, packaged with aftershave. The man who attacked me, covered in it, covering a musty scent that betrays the synthetic oceanic scent he’s wrapped in. Dusty. And another piece. Another memory clawing its way out. It’s why I can sense him here. Pieces of him still float through the space.
BEA: What did he look like?
THE MAESTRO: I didn’t see much of his face, he always wore a mask and a hat, but… I could see his hands. They were… ashen.
BEA: Pale?
THE MAESTRO: No, grey. Like ash from the last of the fire, spiralling through the air-
BEA: Yeah yeah yeah… Was his hand… cold? Is he… undead?
THE MAESTRO: He wasn’t human, I can tell you that. He was a monster.
BEA: Careful, buddy.
THE MAESTRO: He murdered my beautiful, brilliant partner. He… he came here after the conflagration at the show, asking for the elixir. I told him that I didn’t have it ready, that there were setbacks. He was… displeased. When he asked for the nose back I realised… it wasn’t here. It was gone. He didn’t even look mad, he looked… pleased. Like he knew this would happen. Like I had given him permission to destroy my inner sanctum. Like it would be fun.
BEA_NARRATION: Someone had told Travis about the nose. Just because.
THE MAESTRO: Desdemona, she… she voiced her displeasure. Do you know what he did? He laughed. He laughed and then he tipped over her basin onto the ground and before I could even touch him he stomped on her.
BEA: I’m… I’m sorry. She didn’t deserve that.
THE MAESTRO: No, she didn’t. She was brilliant. Her only mistake was getting caught up in my pomposity.
BEA: It sounds like the person who did this… he’s tied to some other cases. He’s… I’m already trying to find him. So… yeah.
THE MAESTRO: And what do you plan to do if you find him?
BEA_NARRATION: I want to hurt him.
BEA: Figure out why he’s doing this. In whatever way I have to.
[SFX: transition, a coffee shop]
GRACE: Lennox.
LENNOX: Grace.
GRACE: Thank you for meeting me.
LENNOX: I’m always available to spend time with you.
GRACE: I’m not here for pleasantries. I have questions.
LENNOX: And you wanted to meet here? Silly me thinking this was some sort of… reconciliatory date.
GRACE: What do you know about Bea’s attack?
LENNOX: Why are you so caught up in something so minor?
GRACE: Why was she attacked, Lennox? That’s what I want to know.
LENNOX: You know there have been many attacks lately, our community is… nervous.
GRACE: I’ve heard.
LENNOX: You’d hear more if you actually came out to events. You missed my yearly vampire social for the 14th year running. We went midnight lawn bowling. It was lovely.
GRACE: What can you tell me?
LENNOX: You’ve always been so single-minded, especially about your latest obsessions.
GRACE: A man showed up at my office recently, the same man who attacked Bea.
LENNOX: Oh? Interesting. Did he attack her again? Try to finish the job, as it were?
GRACE: No. He left.
LENNOX: So why have you come back to me, dear Grace?
GRACE: Because even though all I could smell was that man, I know your stench is all over this.
LENNOX: I’m going to take it personally that you dislike my custom scent blend that much. I visited a man in Paris for that. He was incredibly talented and delicious.
GRACE: Pascal?
LENNOX: I forgot you knew him.
GRACE: And you ate him? What a waste. He was a delight.
LENNOX: Yeah, it was a bit of a rash decision.
GRACE: So, are you just going to stonewall me?
LENNOX: Grace, I am always in awe of your passion. I never had any doubts in your ability. And you’ve clearly shown that as well in your other professions. But I worry that you’re… focusing too hard on Bea. There’s such a big world out there and you’re concerned with this one poor soul. A sad woman turned into a reluctant vampire. Tell me, have you turned anyone else?
GRACE: No, not… not since Vivian.
LENNOX: Hm. Would you turn another?
GRACE: No, not after this. I wasn’t even sure if turning Bea would be a good idea, I just… couldn’t let her die like that.
LENNOX: You made the right call.
GRACE: That isn’t what I expected you to say.
LENNOX: No, I wouldn’t think so. But… you made a difficult decision. Many of us would’ve just let her die or fed and sped up her journey into the afterworld. But you… you didn’t think. You acted. And I like that. Sometimes, a little impulsiveness can be a good thing. You’ve certainly given me a lot to chew on.
GRACE: And you’ve given me nothing.
LENNOX: I like having you around again, Grace. It’s enlightening in so many ways.
[SFX: transition, back in the office]
RHYS: Can you be charged for killing a brain? Does that count as… a person?
BEA: What are we but brains in meat sacks?
GRACE: Desdemona didn’t deserve this. I didn’t like her, but this… is gruesome.
BEA: That guy, Vander, he absolutely fucked that place up. But The Maestro wouldn’t leave. He said he had to stay there and stand guard.
RHYS: And he’s not terrified that the guy’s going to come back?
BEA: I think he is, but… I don’t know.
GRACE: He’s not going to want to leave his space. It’s silly, but it’s his home. So… The Maestro was hired to make something that creates vampires.
RHYS: Ok, did I miss a memo? Did you video game it and pour a potion down Bea’s throat or something? I thought vampires were created through… like, other vampire’s blood or something.
GRACE: No, that’s how it’s done. But whoever is asking for this isn’t a vampire.
BEA: Someone hired him. The Grey Man. Vander. Is he some sort of undead?
GRACE: Most likely. But what kind… I don’t know. Could be one of many things. There’s lots of beings out there. I’ll have to ask around.
RHYS: It’s too bad the security cameras are trashed, it would’ve been nice to get eyes on him. The Sasquatch mentioned him too, I think. Tall guy, hat. Smelled funny.
GRACE: Feels like a hired gun. But… maybe reckless. When I mentioned him appearing outside the office recently, Lennox looked… surprised. For a fleeting second, he seemed genuinely surprised. He’s involved, but to what extent? [SFX: in the background, Rhys is digging around in his backpack]
RHYS: Uh, unrelated to any of this but have either of you seen my sweater? I think I dropped it somewhere.
GRACE: Check the main building’s lost and found.
BEA: There’s a lost and found?
GRACE: At the security desk, I believe.
BEA: I’m sorry, hang on a second, [SFX: gets up and starts running over] I will be right back!
GRACE: Rhys, go see what she’s doing, please.
RHYS: Alright. [SFX: he takes off after her] Bea! Bea!
BEA_NARRATION: There’s a box by the security desk that I’ve never seen anyone at, and in it, buried alongside forgotten gloves, an empty wallet, a single shoe, is a scarf. It’s balled up in the basket and as I unfurl it, it remains crumpled in one spot from crusted dried blood stiffening the fabric. My blood, clearly. It… smells like me. But there’s another smell to it, a man’s cologne. [SFX: a sniff] Deep Waters. Like the ocean if imagined by someone’s cool uncle in the 1980s and then bottled. It’s his.
RHYS: Alright, [SFX: digging around] uh… eyeball, sock, oh, my sweater! Scarf… [SFX: Bea takes it]
BEA: The Grey Man’s. Vander’s. I recognize it.
RHYS: It’s covered in blood.
BEA: It’s mine.
RHYS: The blood?
BEA: Yeah.
RHYS: Wait, are you the one who got stabbed?
BEA: Yeah.
RHYS: And you were going to tell me this when?
BEA: This is an office that is not good about being open with things, ok? Our office culture is a disaster. You got a problem, you can complain to HR.
RHYS: We don’t have an HR. The coffee machine is HR!
BEA: No, we definitely do not have an HR.
RHYS: Is… is that why Grace turned you?
BEA: Yeah. I wasn’t going to make it.
RHYS: Holy shit. What would you do if you saw him again?
BEA: I don’t know.
BEA_NARRATION: I would shred him. Just thinking about it, the blood pounds in my ears. Every time I picture his figure the anger gets stronger. The fear is replaced by this rage that tears through my veins. I want answers. I want revenge. I want to hurt him the way he hurt me.
[SFX: transition to being in a backyard, exertion noises]
BEA_NARRATION: Grace is on edge lately. I don’t think she’s wrong to be, things are off. Everyone we talk to is nervous. She watched me tussle with Travis and… well, she thinks I’m not very good at physically standing up for myself. I can’t say I’ve ever had to in the past. So she wants me to work on that. Learn to fight back. Aurelius is trying to help me out now and… I mean, it’s certainly a thing I am trying to do. Aurelius is a bit harder to talk to in comparison to Alden, but he’s enthusiastic. I think he’s just enjoying having someone new on the scene. Plus, he gets to throw me around a little bit.
AURELIUS: Ok, now hit me. I want you to go whole hog.
BEA: Are you sure about that? I would describe my current fighting style as… unrefined.
AURELIUS: Hit me. Come on, I can take it. What, you think I’ve made it this long as a werewolf and never gotten into any fights? I’ve eaten people stronger than you.
BEA: Oh, ok, that’s good to know.
AURELIUS: Sorry, but it’s a very useful tactic around bigots.
BEA: Does it help protect against being stabbed?
AURELIUS: It has. But I was a younger man then. Now you have that youth now on your side. So let’s use it. Now come on. Hit me!
BEA: I don’t think I can punch you, Aurelius.
AURELIUS: Then tackle me, do whatever. See what you can do.
BEA: No, this is- [SFX: he grabs her arm]
AURELIUS: I won’t let go until you try.
BEA: [SFX: she slams him in the chest, hard, he hits the ground] Oh-… oh my god.
BEA: I’m so sorry.
AURELIUS: I think you broke my neck.
BEA: Oh my god-
AURELIUS: The strength of youth!
BEA: Jeez, I… I did not mean to hit that hard, I am so sorry-
AURELIUS: Don’t be, I literally asked you to do it. Going to regret it later, but it definitely woke me up. And possibly my neighbours, that was louder than I thought. Ah, this takes me back.
BEA: Here, I’m sorry, let me help you up- [SFX: helps him up. She puts a hand on his back and there’s a gentle jingling noise, like chimes in the distance. She gasps and pulls her hand back]
AURELIUS: Bea? Are you alright?
BEA_NARRATION: My mind and body rip from each other, one still mine but the other feeling the violence of a past I never knew. An anger that I don’t understand ripples through. My mouth fills with an iron taste that arrives unwanted and unbidden. I can’t tell who salivates for blood at this moment. For a split second, I don’t know where I begin and Aurelius ends. I don’t know what this is but I know I’ve felt this feeling before.
BEA: Uh, can you send Grace out?
GRACE: [SFX: coming out of the house into the backyard] What’s going on?
BEA: Can you… give me your hand.
GRACE: Ok. [SFX: Bea takes her hand]
BEA: … no, ok, it’s not working.
GRACE: What’s not working?
BEA: When I put my hand on his back, I could… see… in my mind… something. A… a memory that wasn’t mine.
GRACE: What did you see?
BEA: I saw… I saw Aurelius attack a man. He was younger but he looked… the same? Almost the same. And… it was like, flashes, but it was this burst of violence. A man came at him with a knife. Teeth biting down. I could feel it in my mouth. I can taste this man’s blood even though I… I think it was a dream?
GRACE: Hm, an interesting development.
BEA: What even is this, Grace? Am I losing it? Is this like some sort of vampiric hallucinatory state? I’ve been eating, I’ve been trying to regulate my schedule more, am I just losing my mind? Is this a thing I have to deal with now?
GRACE: Somewhat.
BEA: Somewhat? Don’t “somewhat” this.
GRACE: Here, give me your hand again. It’s ok. [SFX: Bea takes her hand and there’s a gentle frisson]
BEA_NARRATION: Her skin on mine, cool and shimmering. The panic begins to subside. My hands feel like mine again. I imagine the feeling of her wrapping her arms around me as she squeezes my hand gently.
GRACE: Your body is settling into its new self. There are… abilities. They are hard to understand, hard to distinguish sometimes. Some are obvious, others are not. It’s just luck of the draw. Or genetics. But like genetics, if you’re turned by a vampire who carries a little extra, you’re more likely to acquire… something more in the transition. You’re not alone in this, in… having visions. If you want to call them that.
BEA: Wait, can you see the future? The past? Or the same thing?
GRACE: Not the same, no. Have you had anything like that happen before?
BEA: … yeah. Yes. I did, when… when I saw the man who stabbed me outside of the office, when I touched him I saw the attack again, but… I don’t know, I thought it was some sort of… trauma flashback. Like being a vampire gives you Trauma+ or something. Makes it more visceral.
GRACE: Perhaps… you see violence. Specific pieces of the past.
BEA: What? No, come on, Grace, that’s no fun. What kind of power is that? I just get to relive trauma? I wanted something cool, like flight.
GRACE: You can fly.
BEA: Yeah, as like 75 bats all vying to be the one leading. It’s incredibly disorienting.
GRACE: What the nature of this ability is will come to you. Clearly it’s through touch and clearly it is tied to… deep-seated thoughts. Memories.
BEA: What can you do?
GRACE: It’s nothing big. But it can be useful in my line of work though. The ability to see needs, wants. I can see the thing a person most desires in that particular moment.
BEA_NARRATION: Oh, oh no. Every single untoward thought I’ve ever had just pours out of my brain into my lap. Has she been spying on my thoughts?
BEA: Please tell me-
GRACE: I have never used it on you. Not once. That’s not to say that in my past I’ve never used this skill in… morally grey ways for work… or pleasure… but I promise you, Bea, that I would never use this on you without your explicit consent. I know that I have made choices before in our relationship-
BEA: Just the one, really.
GRACE: But I promise, blood of my blood, I consider you my equal in every way that matters. Your desires are your own. Share them with me or don’t.
BEA: Good to know.
GRACE: When you create someone new, they take a small piece of you. My blood, your blood, intermingled. A new ability born from it. You have inherited variations of my own powers. But they are yours to wield.
BEA: What about Lennox? What can he do?
GRACE: He… has many strengths, but his greatest is that he can walk into dreams. It is… invasive, to say the least. Terrifying at its worst. You can never escape from him. Not even in sleep. If he wants to find you… he will.
BEA: Oh. Ok.
GRACE: But you can build up defences against him. You’ll have to work on control. In the meantime, be careful. The insides of the mind contain dark places. [SFX: Grace’s phone rings] Hm. [SFX: she picks up] Hello? Hello? … oh my god. Bea, we have to go, now.
[SFX: transition to the comedy club. They go running down the hall, into the broken glass of the Maestro’s lair]
GRACE: The Maestro? THE MAESTRO?
THE MAESTRO: Here, I… I am here.
GRACE: Oh, my god. [SFX: she runs over to him]
BEA: Holy shit.
BEA_NARRATION: The Maestro lies on the ground completely soaked in blood. His chest barely flutters with ragged attempts to breathe, his still phone pressed to his chest. The room is still destroyed, the club is still empty. Desdemona has been scraped from the floor but… The Maestro is dying. I can barely hear his heartbeat. He is absolutely torn apart.
THE MAESTRO: He… he came back.
BEA: The man who brought you the nose?
THE MAESTRO: Yes, yes…
GRACE: My dear, my sweet dear the Maestro, please… let me help you.
THE MAESTRO: No! No, I can’t accept your elixir of life, Grace. Grace, hah! There but for the grace of Grace, I go.
GRACE: Did you call for help?
THE MAESTRO: No mortal man deserves to experience the treasures of this place! They would be taken… lost… destroyed…
BEA: I’m going to call for help.
THE MAESTRO: No!
GRACE: Bea, don’t.
BEA: He’s going to die!
THE MAESTRO: Glory, glory…
GRACE: Bea, take his hand.
BEA: Why?
GRACE: You know what you can do now, Bea. See if you can use it.
BEA: I don’t know if I can just… do it by request. When it happened before it was purely by accident.
GRACE: TRY, THEN. I don’t want to watch him die and lose any chance of figuring out what happened to him. And to you.
BEA: Ok, ok. Mr. Maestro-
THE MAESTRO: THE Maestro.
BEA: I need to know what happened to you. [SFX: she takes his hand]
BEA_NARRATION: At first, nothing. I grip his hand hoping the memories of violence will pour into me gently, but before I can let go they hit me like a truck. I am split again, my hand gripping his tightly as I see through his eyes, the grey man, standing over him you talked to the girl I told you to not speak to anyone and you talk to the girl the knife plunging in again and again she was supposed to die tell me why she walks you weren’t supposed to talk to anyone you weren’t supposed to tell them what happened you were supposed to die she was supposed to die I am bound to my word
I am bound to my word
He backs away into the shadows.
He is still here.
I can smell him.
BEA: [pulling away and gasping]
GRACE: What did you see?
BEA: Grace, he’s still here.
GRACE: [SFX: standing up] Where?
BEA: I can smell you, you sick fuck, show yourself! [SFX: Bea takes off running]
GRACE: Bea!
BEA_NARRATION: I’m going to tear him apart, I’m going to split him open. I’m going to gut him like a fish. [SFX: she stops. He is standing there. The room is silent] He is tall, as I remember, standing in the open doorway. Hat still pulled down, coat still long and heavy. But his face… for the first time, I can see it. Sunken, grey, hollow. My heart stops. I cannot hear his.
VANDER: you were supposed to die
BEA: Who sent you to kill me?
VANDER: someone who wished for you to be out of the picture. I don’t ask questions. I don’t name names. You were supposed to die.
BEA: Well I didn’t. But now you’re going to. [SFX: she charges him. They tussle for a bit and then there is the sound of a powder being blown into her face. Bea stumbles back, coughing] The fuck? [SFX: she tries to take steps forward and stumbles] What was that?
VANDER: you were supposed to die. That was the request. I will fulfil it now. [SFX: walking towards her]
BEA: Shit, SHIT. [SFX: stumbling]
BEA_NARRATION: [SFX: stumbling, disoriented] Flowers, I smell flowers everywhere. Is that… What did Grace say? Oleander? Bad, bad for vampires. That’s a Sarah Harmer song… it’s part of the dogbane family, does that mean it affects werewolves? Funny. [SFX: Vander lunges at her and she explodes into a bunch of drunken bats] Bats! Bats! Hard to stab a bat! Funny plant thought to show the future, it’s only poison, it’s always poison. They thought once you could drink it to counteract snake venom but both will kill you…
GRACE: [SFX: entering the room, angry] HEY!
VANDER: you should have let her die!
GRACE: GET BACK HERE.
BEA_NARRATION: In a haze, I can see Grace struggling to decide what to do – chase the grey man or stay with me and The Maestro. But before she can make a choice, he’s gone, fleeing out the broken door. Flowers, cologne, and the smell of dust and death linger in his wake. Me dropping from the sky, flower drunk. I feel like I’ve been on a bender. [SFX: she reforms into herself and drops to the floor]
BEA: Gah, fuck, let me get at him. Let me go after him!
GRACE: No! No, you are not chasing him like this. [SFX: sniffs] Oleander powder, for fuck’s sake. He knew.
BEA: What is he?
GRACE: He’s a revenant. An undead bound by a contract. Not a cheap hire. He both lives and does not. Someone controls him. Someone sent him here on purpose. After you. That’s a lot of money to spend on a hit.
BEA: Lennox?
GRACE: It has to be.
BEA: He didn’t expect us to be here. The Maestro only called you.
GRACE: Shit. Oh, SHIT, The Maestro! [SFX: they go running back]
BEA: [SFX: coming back into the room] Oh… oh god, Grace, he’s not going to make it.
THE MAESTRO: Grace, my dearest Grace, please…
GRACE: Yes, anything.
BEA_NARRATION: Feet frozen, a horrible realisation. This is what I looked like as I died in Grace’s arms.
THE MAESTRO: I… I had been… rebuilding… a tank… see if I could preserve… any of Desdemona…
BEA: Oh god.
THE MAESTRO: I… I do not want to die like this. I want to finish my work. I want to live as she did…
GRACE: No, no I can’t do that.
BEA: You want to be a brain in a vat?
THE MAESTRO: To live forever! Or for as long as I can as I finish what I need to finish. To go… when it is time to rest my cerebellum once again against my love.
BEA: You want us to pop your brain out?
THE MAESTRO: A simple… request…
GRACE: … yes, anything.
BEA: Grace-
GRACE: Where is it?
THE MAESTRO: There is a secret handle… in the bookcase.
BEA: Is it the biography on Handel?
THE MAESTRO: So clever… I see what you see in her, Grace… in the inner inner sanctum… it bubbles. Place me in there… let me live again…
BEA: … are we actually going to do this?
GRACE: Get me a knife.
[SFX: transition, back to the office]
RHYS: That’s disgusting.
BEA: Opening his skull?
RHYS: No, you putting yoghurt in blood. It’s weird.
BEA: It’s fine.
RHYS: Don’t you have to drink it from someone?
BEA: You don’t have to.
RHYS: Have you?
BEA: I… haven’t. I’ve thought about it, but… I don’t know if I’m ready yet. I worry that I’ll find it weird.
BEA_NARRATION: What I’m actually worried about is that I’ll like it too much, more like. The idea of a body against mine… no, Bea, shut up, just shut up. Don’t think about it.
BEA: But yeah, the Maestro, he’s… Grace is on the phone with him right now somehow. Video phone? I don’t know. Anyway, it was gross.
RHYS: Is this where you pictured yourself when you started working here? Like that “where do you see yourself in 5 years” question you get in interviews.
BEA: No. I imagined something much different.
RHYS: Do you ever wish you weren’t a vampire? Like that can’t have been on your manifestation moodboard.
BEA: [sighs]
RHYS: Sorry, as soon as I said it I realised that was probably not a good question to ask. It’s just… with Grace it feels like there’s no other way she would be. Even if I try to picture her as a regular person it feels impossible. Like it slides off my brain. All the clients we’ve met, they feel… like that’s who they are. That’s their form. But you, I dunno, you feel… unsettled. You feel like a person trying to be a vampire trying to be a person.
BEA: You know Rhys, for a guy who’s ready to plow ahead on things without thinking it through, you’re surprisingly thoughtful sometimes.
RHYS: I try.
BEA: … this wasn’t something I wanted. It wasn’t something that was planned. I… was badly hurt and Grace made a choice to… save me. She decided that for both of us. And I’m not mad at her about it, but… To be fair, if I was in her position, I don’t know if I would have behaved differently. If she had been lying on the floor dying and I had to make that call, would I just let her expire? … Probably not.
RHYS: I’ll keep that in mind if I ever get shot or something.
BEA: I’ll check your will first so… die slowly.
RHYS: I gotta call my lawyer.
BEA: But yeah, I’m… slowly getting used to it. There’s a lot to get used to. I feel the same. And I don’t. I’m learning. I’m trying. But maybe not hard enough. [SFX: Grace comes back in and sits down]
GRACE: I got a call. Another vampire was found dead.
BEA: Someone you knew?
GRACE: Someone I knew of, at least. I can’t say that I’ve been close to anyone in this community for a long time.
RHYS: How come?
GRACE: I didn’t like who I was becoming. I didn’t want to be that version of myself anymore. I cut myself off from my former world so I could figure out who I was, away from… influence.
BEA: So who died?
GRACE: Someone I knew from way back, Emilio. Bit of a dickhead, but hearing he’s dead… hm.
BEA: Do you think the grey man had anything to do with it?
GRACE: He has a name.
BEA: I don’t like saying it because it feels like it just gives him… power.
GRACE: I don’t know. He was found… empty. Drained.
BEA: Is that a way of killing vampires?
GRACE: It’s a way of killing anything. But yes, it is. Not common, but definitely one option. I don’t like this.
BEA: No. What do you want to do?
GRACE: I think it’s time I go talk to an old friend. My oldest friend.
[end]
Credits
Featuring the voices of:
Alex Nursall as Bea
Emily Kellogg as Grace
Ian Boddy as Rhys
Rob Deobald as Lennox
Adil Lahkani as The Maestro
Taylor Davis as Alden
and Harlan Guthrie as Vander
Woodbine is an original podcast created, written, and produced by Emily Kellogg and Alex Nursall
Showrunning and direction by Alex Nursall
Production and promotion by Emily Kellogg
Engineering and sound design by Ian Boddy
Theme by Phil Wright
Music by Phil Wright and Ian Boddy
Recorded at Pirate Sound
Artwork by Andy Kelly
Distributed by Realm